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  1. #1
    Yung Wun is offline Member
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    Male Perspective

    1) How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

    2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
    woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
    will probably never be able to support you.

    3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
    to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    4. How do you know when a woman is about to say
    something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me. . ."

    5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    6. Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
    required pressure.

    7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
    is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman that won't do what she's told.

    9. I married Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

    10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months
    I don't like to interrupt her.

    11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
    Divorced.

    12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It is called Wedding Cake.

    13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
    Suffering.

    14. Our last fight was my fault:
    My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

    15. Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.

    16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
    man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.

    17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted."
    The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same
    thing: "You can have mine."

    18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
    it once.

    19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
    down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
    are beautiful.

    20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
    Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
    Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the
    refrigerator.

    21. Why does the bride wear white at the wedding?
    Because the dishwasher should match the stove and the refrigerator.

    22. Why were shopping carts invented?
    To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

    23. What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
    Einstein's dick

  2. #2
    Colibri's Avatar
    Colibri is offline Banned
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    Stop it, you're making me horny.

  3. #3
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    Ooooooooooooh, dirty, but very funny!!!

  4. #4
    BIG TEXAN's Avatar
    BIG TEXAN is offline Respected Member
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    Those are pretty good bro.....

  5. #5
    peam's Avatar
    peam is offline Suspended
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    Ahem.... maybe I shouldn't have read this post... but I did laugh at one of them.
    10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months
    I don't like to interrupt her.
    I don't talk that much though... so.... you won't have to worry russian boy. :-)

  6. #6
    Colibri's Avatar
    Colibri is offline Banned
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    On an added note, all of that is true.

    Damn dirty wimin.

  7. #7
    Yung Wun is offline Member
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    its all true

  8. #8
    monstercojones's Avatar
    monstercojones is offline The Anabolic Assassin
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    what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    ....nothing, shes already been told twice.



    (thats fucking horrible, but i couldnt resist)

  9. #9
    Yung Wun is offline Member
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    [QUOTE]Originally posted by monstercojones1
    what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    ....nothing, shes already been told twice.

  10. #10
    JasonNew-b's Avatar
    JasonNew-b is offline Associate Member
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    In my house, with my wife and my kids...and my dog
    Posts
    215

  11. #11
    Aguro's Avatar
    Aguro is offline Associate Member
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    Sleeping in the Leg Press
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    bookmarked :P

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