TRAGEDY!! Training partner dies in gym!!
Brothers,
Today I mourn the loss of a dear training partner. It was this day, 5 years ago, that he went to that great gym in the sky.
His name was Babu, and he hailed from the slums of Calcutta. My father 'purchased' him at a travelling freak show somewhere in the Orient. Standing 8 feet tall, and weighing in at 600 pounds, he was a monster- no doubt, the strongest man on earth. My father had Babu working in the garden, where he lumbered about watering plants and babbling to himself. One day, after witnessing Babu flip over a garbage truck in a rage over racial slurs hurled at him by the driver, I invited him along to the gym with me.
From the start, Babu was curling 315, squatting 700, and crushing benches with his enormous weight. Under my direction, he ate a side of beef daily, washed down with gallons of milk, and swallowed a handfull of anadrol pills at bedtime. Whole chickens, bones and all, were consumed in a few bites by this beast of a human. The gains came, and I had plans to unveil the 8th wonder of the world at the next 'World's Strongest Man' contest.
Nobby and I oversaw his efforts in the gym. Babu performed 800 pound front squats, front barbell raises with 225, 700 pound benches- all the while screaming out in no known language.
One awful day, however, things went amiss.
Babu, Nobby and I were at the squat rack, when Nobby and I decided to have a little bit of innocent fun- at Babu's expense.
"Oi, Babu, those lads over there say you're a big fookin golliwog!" Nobby snarled. "Yes, Babu, those fellows say you're a big paki poofter!" I added, grinning. We were pointing to a crowd of 4 fellows who trained together, and acted like they owned the gym. Babu began turning red, and, shaking with fury, sputtered "I keel dem, the farging bahstards, I farging keel dem all!!" he roared. Rising to his feet, he lumbered over and bearhugged one of the men, crushing him like an egg. Another ran over and was literally broken over Babu's knee. The remaining fellows attacked Babu with olympic bars, but to no avail. Finally, when only one of them was left standing, Nobby and I decided to join the fray, charging forward, screaming, seeking to smash the one fellow left. Babu got in the way, and we ran into him, throwing him forward. Babu stumbled into the one fellow left, and together they went through the front window of the gym, and plummeted two stories to the pavement below. Nobby and I peered out- there lay Babu, dead, on the sidewalk!
We looked about the gym. Everyone had fled. Whistling a tune by Mozart and looking as innocent as can be, I led the way out, and we made our escape!
Later on I claimed the body. We decided to cremate Babu, and send his ashes to his family in India. I would have spent the funds on a decent urn for his ashes, but Nobby suggested I save money and use an empty protein bucket, and spend the savings on gear. So that is what was done, and the ashes, in an empty Nitrotech container, were mailed (surface mail, it's cheaper) to the Calucutta slum from which Babu hailed.
So brothers, take a minute, bow your heads, and say a wee prayer for Babu. He went out like a true Iron Warrior.
I'm getting emotional now. My apologies.
