Joke of the day (Tuesday!) *man, it's a great day to be a juice monkey!*
TAX TIME
Did you ever notice: If you put the 2 words "THE"
and "IRS" together, it
spells "THEIRS"?
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The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an
IRS agent about his tax
return. He had reported a net profit
of 80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli
owner said. "I work like a
dog, everyone in my family helps out, the
place is only closed three days a year. And you want
to know how I made
80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent
said. "It's these
deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda
for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to
tell you -- we also
deliver."
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A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two
white coated doctors
searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a
heart transplant for an IRS
agent and want to find a suitable rock."
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Internal Revenue Service Theme Song
Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
Tax his oil, Tax his gas
Tax his notes, Tax his cash
Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove him to his doom."
After he's gone, we won't relax.
We'll still collect inheritance tax.
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Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work
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Q. What do women and tax forms have in common?
A. Men love to cheat on them.
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Death and Taxes
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and
said, "Bill, I want you
to promise me that when I die you will
have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do
with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope
and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope,
'Now you have
everything.'"
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"A Flag As A Tax Symbol?"
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his
American friend and was
jokingly explaining about the red, white
and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get
red when we talk about
them, white when we get our tax bill,
and blue after we pay them."
"Oh, that's the same with us," nodded the American,
"Only we see stars, too!"
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There is only one thing worse than the flu season
the tax season. You can recover from the flu.
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Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction
being written today.
