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  1. #1
    KunipshunFit's Avatar
    KunipshunFit is offline Lounge Lizard
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    Joke of the day (Tuesday!) *man, it's a great day to be a juice monkey!*

    TAX TIME

    Did you ever notice: If you put the 2 words "THE"
    and "IRS" together, it
    spells "THEIRS"?
    ----------------------------------------------


    The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an
    IRS agent about his tax
    return. He had reported a net profit
    of 80,000 for the year.

    "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli
    owner said. "I work like a
    dog, everyone in my family helps out, the
    place is only closed three days a year. And you want
    to know how I made
    80,000?"

    "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent
    said. "It's these
    deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda
    for you and your wife."

    "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to
    tell you -- we also
    deliver."
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two
    white coated doctors
    searching through the flower beds.

    "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

    "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a
    heart transplant for an IRS
    agent and want to find a suitable rock."
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Internal Revenue Service Theme Song

    Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
    Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
    Tax his crop, Tax his work;
    Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
    Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
    Teach him taxing is no joke.
    Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
    Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
    Tax his oil, Tax his gas
    Tax his notes, Tax his cash
    Tax him good and let him know,
    That after taxes, he has no dough.
    If he hollers, Tax him more;
    Tax him till he's good and sore.
    Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
    Tax his sod in which he's laid.
    Put these words upon his tomb,
    "Taxes drove him to his doom."
    After he's gone, we won't relax.
    We'll still collect inheritance tax.
    ----------------------------------------------------------


    Q: Are birth control pills deductible?

    A: Only if they don't work
    ----------------------------------------


    Q. What do women and tax forms have in common?

    A. Men love to cheat on them.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Death and Taxes

    A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and
    said, "Bill, I want you
    to promise me that when I die you will
    have my remains cremated."

    "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do
    with your ashes?"

    The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope
    and mail them to the
    Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope,
    'Now you have
    everything.'"
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "A Flag As A Tax Symbol?"

    A visitor from Holland was chatting with his
    American friend and was
    jokingly explaining about the red, white
    and blue in the Netherlands flag.

    "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get
    red when we talk about
    them, white when we get our tax bill,
    and blue after we pay them."

    "Oh, that's the same with us," nodded the American,
    "Only we see stars, too!"

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


    There is only one thing worse than the flu season
    the tax season. You can recover from the flu.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction
    being written today.

  2. #2
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    Nicely said.

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