Fundamental differences between men and women in the shower
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas. Look at your feminine physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, short loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub until red. Wash entire body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner out of hair. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini line; decide to get it waxed instead. Turn off shower and squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray any mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry off with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes and leave them in a pile on the bedroom floor. Walk to the shower naked. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the "woo woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have any "abs" (no). Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for a wash cloth (you don't use one). Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands; let the water rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower. Spend majority of time washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap. Use soap to shampoo hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to admire yourself in the mirror again. Pee in the shower. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the shower curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, and admire the size of your wiener again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat in pile on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom wearing towel. If you pass your wife along the way, pull off the towel and shake wiener at her, making the "woo woo" sound. Throw wet towel on bed.
