Why good people always finish last

**yannick35** · 12-30-2013, 05:43 AM

My ex girlfriend broke up with me this summer, we been together for 9 years, i have always been there for her faithful never cheated on her even if i had the chance a few times, and never kept anything from her.

She left me for a nerd guy at her job we ended up selling our house and all our stuff.

I am now 41 years old tried my luck in dating website that failed miserably, i met a few women in there 40 as well they are most of them interdependent and not ready to commit.

From a good person standpoint it seems that the world as gone to hell, everyone seems to get separated. I gave so much to my ex but when she was always self centered, when you are in love you know theses things but you always hope they will change. There are a million things she did that i wont say her but she not the ideal girlfriend.

From what i am seeing now i feel its better i stay single for the rest of my life instead of being jerked like i get every time i get serious with a women.

**yannick35** · 12-30-2013, 05:51 AM

If you are a good person and help others like i do all the time either it be a guy in a wheelchair at the theater that as issues sitting down on is sit, seeing someone lost and helping them with directions, giving free IT advise and so much more listening to people. But being good does not mean good is gonna come around. Worst is that i am not going to turn into a demon its the way i am but too many people today are self centered.

When i was younger i used to wrestle and did not have any issues getting women but today hell i could not catch a cold. Even if i lost weight let my hair grow.

Most women in gym looks annoyed when you talk to them its like you are bothering them........ WOW right now i am mad and confused its silly

**DSM4Life** · 12-30-2013, 06:35 AM

**lovbyts** · 12-30-2013, 07:18 AM

I feel your pain except I have 10 years on you. I'm still not sure what the answer is and I probably never will. I'm still hoping some day Karma will kick in and I can relax a little.

I was 45 when I decided the hell with it and decided to treat myself to a vacation in Thailand. If it wasnt for having a daughter back home (here in the US) I would not have come back. It was the first time I felt like things had finally turned around and I could have easily retired there.

**Super-Chump** · 12-30-2013, 08:22 AM

Bad luck my friend.

You say that she isn't the ideal girlfriend and there is a million things she did. I know you were with her for 9 years and I will be hard to let her go, but once you get you emotions in check you will be able to look at the situation objectively and realise that your break up with her was probably the best thing that could have happened.

Just remember, only good things happen. Something good will definitely come out of your break up.

**austinite** · 12-30-2013, 08:32 AM

Sorry to hear that, brother. There's nothing wrong with being single. Committed relationships are not for everyone. People always like to assume that "this might be the one". That's rarely the case and it's not random that over 50% of marriages fail. Most people that are together, probably shouldn't be. But society pressures them into trying over and over again. That's pretty much the definition of insanity. Furthermore; the majority of folks that 'seemingly' have it figured out, have merely 'settled' for the differences. Maybe that's what it takes, but not for me.

I know I won't be happy with someone who wants to change my furniture, the TV shows I watch and where I put my towels. Selfish? Yeah, it's my life and there's no rule that says I have to settle. I'm in a 'seemingly' perfect relationship right now. A long distance one, too. I only see her on the weekends and nothing ever goes wrong (so far). But I know it's either a matter of time, or a matter of living together before everything falls apart. But until then, I just sit back and enjoy the 'current' ride. If it doesn't end, great. If it ends, well... It wouldn't be a surprise to me,, so moving on is easier. For those who are really and truly happy, good for them.

Best of luck.

**gixxerboy1** · 12-30-2013, 09:09 AM

i dont think nice people finish last. There is allot more to a relationship then being nice. Do you have the same interest, goals?
You said you kept hoping she would change. Maybe she didnt want to change and was happy the way she was.

**DanB** · 12-30-2013, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

i dont think nice people finish last. There is allot more to a relationship then being nice. Do you have the same interest, goals?
You said you kept hoping she would change. Maybe she didnt want to change and was happy the way she was.

This

I.M.O people wont change for family, relationships, friends, jobs etc you can only change if you want to for yourself and even at that its very difficult, your life experience determines who you are, if you have been moulded into a certain way its very hard to change unfortunately, when shit hits the fan the true self appears..........

**lovbyts** · 12-30-2013, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by austinite

Sorry to hear that, brother. There's nothing wrong with being single. Committed relationships are not for everyone. People always like to assume that "this might be the one". That's rarely the case and it's not random that over 50% of marriages fail. Most people that are together, probably shouldn't be. But society pressures them into trying over and over again. That's pretty much the definition of insanity. Furthermore; the majority of folks that 'seemingly' have it figured out, have merely 'settled' for the differences. Maybe that's what it takes, but not for me.

I know I won't be happy with someone who wants to change my furniture, the TV shows I watch and where I put my towels. Selfish? Yeah, it's my life and there's no rule that says I have to settle. I'm in a 'seemingly' perfect relationship right now. A long distance one, too. I only see her on the weekends and nothing ever goes wrong (so far). But I know it's either a matter of time, or a matter of living together before everything falls apart. But until then, I just sit back and enjoy the 'current' ride. If it doesn't end, great. If it ends, well... It wouldn't be a surprise to me,, so moving on is easier. For those who are really and truly happy, good for them.

Best of luck.

Trust me, none of them want to do any of those things. They are all very happy with the way you do most everything, right up until they figure they have you and there is nothing or little you can do about it......

There is a reason the old saying is true. Men marry women hoping they wont change (They do). Women marry men hoping they will change (they wont) but women still find ways to make them miserable. lol

**Lunk1** · 12-30-2013, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by austinite

Sorry to hear that, brother. There's nothing wrong with being single. Committed relationships are not for everyone. People always like to assume that "this might be the one". That's rarely the case and it's not random that over 50% of marriages fail. Most people that are together, probably shouldn't be. But society pressures them into trying over and over again. That's pretty much the definition of insanity. Furthermore; the majority of folks that 'seemingly' have it figured out, have merely 'settled' for the differences. Maybe that's what it takes, but not for me.

I know I won't be happy with someone who wants to change my furniture, the TV shows I watch and where I put my towels. Selfish? Yeah, it's my life and there's no rule that says I have to settle. I'm in a 'seemingly' perfect relationship right now. A long distance one, too. I only see her on the weekends and nothing ever goes wrong (so far). But I know it's either a matter of time, or a matter of living together before everything falls apart. But until then, I just sit back and enjoy the 'current' ride. If it doesn't end, great. If it ends, well... It wouldn't be a surprise to me,, so moving on is easier. For those who are really and truly happy, good for them.

Best of luck.

What does Igi think of you two moving in together LMAO

I read a study some years ago that we are compatible with a large percentage of the population. Meaning that we actually can form a committed and happy relationship with lot's of different ppl. It comes down to how much we are willing to work at it as an individual.

**Igifuno** · 12-30-2013, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

What does Igi think of you two moving in together LMAO

I knew she wasn't 'going out with the girls' every weekend.

**GirlyGymRat** · 12-30-2013, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Trust me, none of them want to do any of those things. They are all very happy with the way you do most everything, right up until they figure they have you and there is nothing or little you can do about it......

There is a reason the old saying is true. Men marry women hoping they wont change (They do). Women marry men hoping they will change (they wont) but women still find ways to make them miserable. lol

Luv bytes. You must have been hurt badly by life and I wish this could be different for you.

OP. I am not advocating that there aren't gold diggers out there but not all women are bad, evil and wicked. Deceitful and conniving. Some yes.

And there are an equally proportioned group of men who just don't give a rip about anybody but themselves número UNO. It clearly goes both ways.

My whole point is that life's not fair and bad crap happens to nice ppl. It's how YOU respond that matters. Sure life throws curve balls and speed bumps. Expect them. But if I chose, I could be one miserable beotch bc life hasn't been kind to me. I can carry baggage around about who did this to me and why I didn't get that promotion and why me. Blah blah blah. i am sorry this relationship didn't work out for you. Perhaps it wasnt meant to.

What good is carrying this baggage around? Forget these ppl, learn from mistakes and move on with life. I welcome the challenges anymore because they are just opportunities to make me a stronger and better person.

Also the holiday season can depressing. So protect against it. Go to the gym and workout. It will make you feel better.

.

**trikydik** · 12-30-2013, 11:50 AM

I was single for 40 years. Met my wife and a couple of runner ups on match.com
The stigma of online dating is quickly disappearing.... who (our age) has time to sit in a bar or club hoping to meet mr. or ms. right?

**Euroholic** · 12-30-2013, 05:10 PM

Shel be right op. love is for weak people who allow others to control there life actions. Live your life how you want to. Enjoy the rest of your life mate!!!

**Oki-Des** · 12-30-2013, 05:42 PM

I skipped my first wife, meaning I just had fun until my early 40's. It definitely made life a lot easier. : )
Sorry, but things will get better.

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 06:53 AM

Wow you guys are amazing thanks for the replies. When i have a girlfriend i forget myself, and yes i put her infront, try to make her happy and take care of her.

This is the way i am, when i say change i mean hoping she would cuddle more and basic stuff like this not change from head to toe to please me.

Yes this break up was the best thing that could happen, because we where stalled, i did a lot for her when it was a bday suprise party we went to the theatre and went out a lot its not like we where a couple that did nothing.

At some point she took me for granted, i bought some tickets to go see cirque du soleil paid 180$ for them i called her up and told her about it she said what is the show i said dralion she said ho i saw that one, like not taking into consideration that i did that for her.

She never did nothing for me and yes i was really stupid to stay in the relationship but people on her who have loved know how it is you hope that things will change and will get better, you also shrug off a lot and get blind on many things.

I asked her to marry me she said no, i had a good job opportunity in Quebec city she refused to move there with me, she was very self centered me myself and i.

I really hope that there is such a thing in life has karma because she will pay for all that she did the wrong.

I cannot go back in time so i have to live with this now wasting 9 years of my life with a selfish byatch.

I went to Cuba in September and all hell broke loose this is the place to party and get laid but that is not the type of life i wanna live anymore i did that between 25 and 30.

But then again if i dont find the right partner why not maybe i need to change my views on life.

**DSM4Life** · 12-31-2013, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by yannick35

Wow you guys are amazing thanks for the replies. When i have a girlfriend i forget myself, and yes i put her infront, try to make her happy and take care of her.

This is the way i am, when i say change i mean hoping she would cuddle more and basic stuff like this not change from head to toe to please me.

Yes this break up was the best thing that could happen, because we where stalled, i did a lot for her when it was a bday suprise party we went to the theatre and went out a lot its not like we where a couple that did nothing.

At some point she took me for granted, i bought some tickets to go see cirque du soleil paid 180$ for them i called her up and told her about it she said what is the show i said dralion she said ho i saw that one, like not taking into consideration that i did that for her.

She never did nothing for me and yes i was really stupid to stay in the relationship but people on her who have loved know how it is you hope that things will change and will get better, you also shrug off a lot and get blind on many things.

I asked her to marry me she said no, i had a good job opportunity in Quebec city she refused to move there with me, she was very self centered me myself and i.

I really hope that there is such a thing in life has karma because she will pay for all that she did the wrong.

I cannot go back in time so i have to live with this now wasting 9 years of my life with a selfish byatch.

I went to Cuba in September and all hell broke loose this is the place to party and get laid but that is not the type of life i wanna live anymore i did that between 25 and 30.

But then again if i dont find the right partner why not maybe i need to change my views on life.

....want to go out to dinner sometime?

**Igifuno** · 12-31-2013, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

....want to go out to dinner sometime?

See? Things are looking up already!

**DSM4Life** · 12-31-2013, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by Igifuno

See? Things are looking up already!

Things will be looking up after dinner.

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 08:55 AM

dsm you avatar scars me dude

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 09:45 AM

I actually feel pretty good now reading most intelligent replies, i had a lot of pressure to get back in a relationship since my ex left me for an other guy but now who cares.

I am in no hurry and for sure if i ever get back into a relationship its not going to be with a women who has her head in the clouds all the time who does not listen to me when i talk, and who does no say nothing if i gain weight, god what a fool i have been, also she had no libido sex was terrible.

I guess that i am a savior and i have a lot of pity for her i wanted to help her and i did everything i could to do so, but when it came the time to leave me she had none for me.

**lovbyts** · 12-31-2013, 09:54 AM

Good for you. I have gone a couple of years between relationships before and never regretted it. Only think I have regretted is not taking more time sometimes.

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 11:05 AM

When i got separated i tough i was alone and i was really amazed to see how many people just get separated in there 40 i was on a dating website and saw so many girls i used to go to high school with, all with kids and gotta so fat hahahha but still. Even then at 40 its a bit hard to meet people after all going to clubs at that age feels weird, i had zero success with online dating, most girls i spoke to never really followed up to meet up and my profile was good, at my job there aren't any single women i work night shifts, so ???? also most women have there friends circle and are busy.

I met this 45 year old women we spoke for a while and where suppose to meet when the time came she told me that i was a great guy but she was mixed up and did not know what she wanted? yet she was the one that came to see me WOW just WOW

I ate independent women the ones that ignore you and you never know where you stand with them.

Another thing that hit me, when i was in Cuba i picked up a 26 year old girl, i am 41 well most people say i look 35 but still.

I was talking to a women at my job she is 32 and she said that at my age i can go both ways, she said that there are many women that are 25 and want something serious and they are not going to get it with a younger men so they go for the 40 year old men who as security and experience in life funny i bough a condo moving in March 3 and they want stability. Then i could go for older women too they got experience in life but sometimes that plays against them.

I dont hold grudge if i ever meet another women and she is a good one i will never make her pay for what the other one did to me, i just have to be aware of that savior thing and if i feel this time something is wrong to just walk away.

At least now i will have my condo so i wont lose it due to a separation like i lost my house and home gym and all.

This is another thing why i guess most people stay together they have a house and material things they care about.

**jimmyinkedup** · 12-31-2013, 11:29 AM

Bro I know thngs can get tough..we have all been there but you know who doesnt finish last? People who dont feel sorry for themselves long, that pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back in the game. They dont finish last.

**gixxerboy1** · 12-31-2013, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Bro I know thngs can get tough..we have all been there but you know who doesnt finish last? People who dont feel sorry for themselves long, that pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back in the game. They dont finish last.

Words to live by

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Bro I know thngs can get tough..we have all been there but you know who doesnt finish last? People who dont feel sorry for themselves long, that pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back in the game. They dont finish last.

Ho yeah they do after suffering from back pain for more then 10 years i am almost fully healed up and back in the gym, after losing my father to cancer, suffering a burnout in 2008 due to verbal harassement at one of my jobs and losing the women i tough was the one for me.

Reflecting on this, the best thing that happened was losing that crappy job and stop working for a bunch of morons, and now losing a women that i tough i was happy with but i guess i was more in love with love then her, lots of lessons to be learned here.

If life is a learning process i paid my dues for a long time. Happy to say the getting back up part is done she left me in June it did take some time to forget and realize but when that was done its all good now.

**jimmyinkedup** · 12-31-2013, 02:55 PM

^^ Good for you brother!

I subscribed to twitter (arr) to get an added 10%off (yeah im cheap lol) anyway they just tweeted this not too long ago. It got me motivated: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=405520892884135

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

^^ Good for you brother!

I subscribed to twitter (arr) to get an added 10%off (yeah im cheap lol) anyway they just tweeted this not too long ago. It got me motivated: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=405520892884135

amazing inspirational video on this link loved it

**"Maximus"** · 12-31-2013, 04:34 PM

Hey man.. I hope things work out for you from now on! Never EVER think good people finish last; that's wrong. Start by looking at things from the positive side of things, like in magnetism; only repel yourself from the negative people around you. Learn from the bad times/experiences; you will always find something enlightening from a bad outcome. Also, remember this law: work put in = results. If you don't do your part/give the BEST of you, don't expect the greatest or best result. Finally, don't ever overlook a RED FLAG! God Bless and I'm glad to see that you have been uplifted by the forums' brotherhood : )

**Igifuno** · 12-31-2013, 04:44 PM

^^^ nicely stated Maximus

**bass** · 12-31-2013, 05:46 PM

sorry to hear it Yannick, its a tough one. I broke up with my "first" love after a year and thought life was over, then one year later found my "real first" love and been married since then, raised 10 children and we are the happiest people on earth. don't give up, your match is out there, you just got to find her. wishing you the best year New Year and beyond.

**mockery** · 12-31-2013, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

^^ Good for you brother!

I subscribed to twitter (arr) to get an added 10%off (yeah im cheap lol) anyway they just tweeted this not too long ago. It got me motivated: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=405520892884135

that was pretty fvcking cool

**yannick35** · 12-31-2013, 11:27 PM

You guys have a great 2014 best wishes for me its going to be a great year, i just got a great gift Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle - Tom Venuto nice guess that my diet this year will finally be on touch, i have not read it all but looks very good up to date.

**jimmyinkedup** · 12-31-2013, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by yannick35

You guys have a great 2014 best wishes for me its going to be a great year, i just got a great gift Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle - Tom Venuto nice guess that my diet this year will finally be on touch, i have not read it all but looks very good up to date.

Be sure to share some tidbits of wosdom from it with us Yannick! Happy New Year Bro!

**JD250** · 12-31-2013, 11:50 PM

Life aint over bro...... that happens after you get married! Just joking, (sort of) have a happy new year!!!

**yannick35** · 01-01-2014, 10:09 AM

hahhaha

**yannick35** · 01-01-2014, 08:35 PM

Tom books not bad Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle nothing new accept he primes whole food instead of supplement and of course not make it a diet but a way of life, i really like that carbs arent bad etc etc, still Vince Gironda for me is one of the best and you can get most of is stuff online for free.

Now time to shed.

**Gaspari1255** · 01-01-2014, 11:59 PM

Originally Posted by yannick35

Wow you guys are amazing thanks for the replies. When i have a girlfriend i forget myself, and yes i put her infront, try to make her happy and take care of her.

This is the way i am, when i say change i mean hoping she would cuddle more and basic stuff like this not change from head to toe to please me.

Yes this break up was the best thing that could happen, because we where stalled, i did a lot for her when it was a bday suprise party we went to the theatre and went out a lot its not like we where a couple that did nothing.

At some point she took me for granted, i bought some tickets to go see cirque du soleil paid 180$ for them i called her up and told her about it she said what is the show i said dralion she said ho i saw that one, like not taking into consideration that i did that for her.

She never did nothing for me and yes i was really stupid to stay in the relationship but people on her who have loved know how it is you hope that things will change and will get better, you also shrug off a lot and get blind on many things.

I asked her to marry me she said no, i had a good job opportunity in Quebec city she refused to move there with me, she was very self centered me myself and i.

I really hope that there is such a thing in life has karma because she will pay for all that she did the wrong.

I cannot go back in time so i have to live with this now wasting 9 years of my life with a selfish byatch.

I went to Cuba in September and all hell broke loose this is the place to party and get laid but that is not the type of life i wanna live anymore i did that between 25 and 30.

But then again if i dont find the right partner why not maybe i need to change my views on life.

That's your problem. Stop putting a woman's needs/hobbies/goals before your own. You made her your life, now she's gone, and you feel as if you don't have a life any more....no good. "She did nothing for me" was something I would say over and over about women I dated in the past. Start making the women that you date do stuff for you. Make them invest in you. Whether it be time, money, or whatever. If a woman invests nothing in you (9 years later), what does she really have to lose? If she invests a ton of time, effort, and money into you - she will be a lot less likely to bail.....just my opinion.

Good luck and keep your head up. You sound like a squared away guy.

**thegodfather** · 01-02-2014, 01:36 AM

I usually avoid these threads like the plague...But to the OP, let me say something..... I am happy being by myself, I am happy just being me. A girlfriend/significant other is something that should ADD to your happiness and well being as a person, a girlfriend/significant other should never DEFINE your happiness or well being as a person. You must first be totally content with your life as a solitary individual, and then engage in relationships which contribute to your happiness, but are not the sole reason for it. I think you'll find if you approach things from that perspective, it will never be hugely devastating when things end, because you know that you are still REALLY happy even without that person in your life...Good luck...

**Honkey_Kong** · 01-02-2014, 05:36 AM

Yannick, if I learned anything in life so far, it's that you cannot buy a woman's love. You invested all that effort and money (via gifts) in her and in the end you still didn't buy it. And with that approach, it'll never work on ANY woman or really anyone for that matter. You might be able to use your money and effort to get her in the sack, but that wasn't just what you were after, was it?

You shouldn't have bought her gifts (like those theatre tickets) or invested your time/effort in to her EXPECTING her to even appreciate what you did for her. And you did that. When you give somebody a gift or you put some effort in doing something for them, you do it for the sake of giving it to them and not for their appreciation. In other words, when you give that stuff, you're doing it for the sole sake of giving it with no strings attached. Otherwise, you're trying to buy something that you'll never buy no matter how much money and/or effort you throw at it.