Simpsons' quotes

[flexgolf]

Homer: "hold on for a second..when are the pancakes coming in the mail"

[Money Boss Hustla]

Homer: Stealing! Bart didn't you learn anything from that guy who gives sermons in church. Captain what's his name. Why do you think we took in all those Police Acadamy movies, for fun well I didn't see anybody laughing. Except for that guy who did sound effects....woooo....Now where was I, oh yeah, stay out of my booze.

[flexgolf]

oh jesus...i got a feeling this thread will grow to a 1000 posts before the summer is over

[flexgolf]

Frink:
Step away you foolish amateurs just keep back, keep out out of it, the role is mine with the acting and the groupies, and the Luc, Luc save me, with the light saber and the vwing, vwing, vwing

[flexgolf]

Frink:
Oh my great good God, gentlemen your attention please. I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life form. It's 80 meters long and its heading this way. Oh good gleiben It's on my shoe. It's a.. a small frog, just get off, get off, get off, get off. Stupid machine! Oh wait a minute this isn't the monsterometer, it's the frog exaggerator.

[flexgolf]

Gil: D'ah, she's a beut'. You can't beat a Coleco, eh ...? How many can I put ya' down for, a lot? Please say a lot, I need this.

Skinner: I dunno. I'm not even sure we can keep this one. It's up to Lisa.

Chalmers: Whaddayasay, Lisa? Will you keep our little secret for the good of your classmates and your school?

Gil: And let's not forget ol' Gil, huh? The wolf's at old Gil's door.

Lisa: Oooh ... I guess I don't have much choice.

Gil: Aw, thank God! Now, let's talk rust proofing. These Colecos'll rust up on ya' like that, er ... shut up, Gil. Close the deal... close the deal!

[Farmer]

Originally posted by flexgolf
Frink:
Oh my great good God, gentlemen your attention please. I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life form. It's 80 meters long and its heading this way. Oh good gleiben It's on my shoe. It's a.. a small frog, just get off, get off, get off, get off. Stupid machine! Oh wait a minute this isn't the monsterometer, it's the frog exaggerator.

Oh man that had me laughing my ass off...I'm sitting in my room reading them out louad to myself ROFL

Peace

Farmer

[flexgolf]

Lisa: Dad! I had a bad dream!

Homer: Oh Lisa. You just lay down and tell me all about it.

Lisa:I know this sounds absurd, but I was dreaming that the Boogieman was chasing me and...

Homer:AAAHHHH! Boogieman!
[Runs to Bart's room]

Homer:Bart,I don't want to alarm you, but we may have an ordeal involving a Boogieman or BoogieMEN in the house!

Bart:Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[flexgolf]

Homer: Is this episode going on the air live?
June Bellamy: No Homer. Very few cartoons are broadcast live. It's a terrible strain on the animators' wrists.

[JDawg1536]

Homer: "Stupider like a fox!"

Homer: "I am so smart, S-M-RT!"

Homer: "Only two kinds of guys wear Hawaiian shirts, big fat party animals, and gay guys. And he doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me."

[flexgolf]

Burns:
"poppycock"
"boulderdash"
"if you see one film this year that proves my innocense...make it this one"
"you cant go in there..its full of steam and atoms and other nuclear brickabrack"

[flexgolf]

Marge: "that quiet engine sure makes conversation a lot easier"

Homer: "yeah its got a lot of other problems too"

[JDawg1536]

Marge: "See all that stuff inside Homie, thats why your robot never worked."

[Pinch]

Mr. Burnes (laying naked on couch) - "Smithers, are you sure this is how you painted your old sailor buddies"

If you notice in a bunch of episodes you can get clues that smithers is a homo and has fantasies about Mr. Burnes, LOL

[TheGame826]

after eating poison berrys

Ralph: It taste like burning....

more:

Homer:
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

"You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

[David B.]

A great Monty Burns anachronism:

"Hello, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by Aeromail. Hmm, am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"

--dave

[David B.]

Homer, from the X-Files episode:

"The alien has a sweet heavenly voice, like Urkel! And the alien appears every Friday, like Urkel!"

[David B.]

Abe Simpson:

"I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary."

[David B.]

"Maaaaaatlock!"

[David B.]

Can anyone help me find the text to Abe's rambling story when he was working as a strike-breaker for Mr. Burns? The one where he said "I had an onion tied around my waist, which was the style at the time..."

[Pete235]

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign.

OK, deal.

In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.

Thy will be done." Begins eating cookies

[Pete235]

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"


"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."


"Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."

[Red Ketchup]

In my book, Ralph Wiggum is king of silly quotes

RALPH: I dress myself!

RALPH: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot
CHIEF WIGGUM: You wear 'em till you learn son

RALPH: My knob tastes funny

MISS HOOVER: Now, take out your red crayons
RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph?
RALPH: I don't have a red crayon
MISS HOOVER: Why not?
RALPH: I ate it

RALPH: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders

RALPH: The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there

MISS HOOVER: I need a volunteer to present an oral report on Principal Skinner's life
RALPH: Miss Hoover? Which one is oral?
MISS HOOVER: Out of your mouth Ralph

Red

[BigGreen]

I think one of the better ones is when skinner was tied up in the all purpose gym bag (used to hold dodgeballs in this episode), and when he escaped he said to the school Hamster named nibbles "quick nibbles, chew through my ball sack!".

Any time that skinnner has a 'Nam flashback is pretty cool as well.

[markas214]

The monorail episode. Homer, "I call the big one bitey" when showing the opposums. Also the monorail song had some great lines.

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by David B.
A great Monty Burns anachronism:

"Hello, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by Aeromail. Hmm, am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"

--dave

hahahah thats a classic burns line. one of my favorites (which i cant remember) is when burns realizes his stocks have fallen horible. he decides to invest in some ridivulous companies thinkin he will do just fine. id kill for that quote.

[RATM]

This is one of my all time favs..,.

Originally posted by Money Boss Hustla
FBI AGENT #1: Tell you what, from now on you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's practice just a bit. When I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."

HOMER: Check

FBI AGENT #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer says nothing.

FBI AGENT #1: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.

HOMER: I got ya.

FBI AGENT #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer stares at him.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Coffee cups are strewn around and the agents' ties are loosened.

FBI AGENT #1 Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot...you smile and nod.

HOMER: No problem.

FBI AGENT #1: (WHILE STAMPING HOMER'S FOOT) Hello, Mr. Thompson.

HOMER: (LOUD WHISPER TO FBI AGENT #2) I think he's talking to you.

[RATM]

another one of my favorites, being a firefighter...

homer: "quick, someone get me the number for 911"

[flexgolf]

Lenny: nothing like revenge for getting back at people

Carl: i dont know, vengance is pretty good

[David B.]

Originally posted by Red Ketchup
In my book, Ralph Wiggum is king of silly quotes

"Miss Hoover, the worm went in my mouth and then I ate it!"

"My cat's breath smells like catfood."

"Sleep! Oh boy, that's where I'm a viking!"

[David B.]

Bart: "It's craptacular..."

[David B.]

WORST EPISODE EVER

[flexgolf]

homer
cmon marge the human wang is a beautiful thing

[Pete235]

Homer : "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down"

Homer: "Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. "

Homer : "Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles."

Homer: "Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children. "

[956Vette]

lol

[David B.]

Originally posted by David B.
Can anyone help me find the text to Abe's rambling story when he was working as a strike-breaker for Mr. Burns? The one where he said "I had an onion tied around my waist, which was the style at the time..."

Found it:

'I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, "give me five bees for a quarter," they'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war - the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.'

Another classic:

'You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I ran out of the house with a big washtub... Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball"...'

[956Vette]

Ralph- "I'm going to Bovine University!"

[Latin-muscle]

Homer: If i don't look at it it's like I never did it!

Apu: Thank You Come Again!

[Juggernaut]

One of you will have to correct this because I'm sure I have it wrong.

The one where Mr. Burns has a 1000 monkey's typing on typewriters, he read's what one was typing "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times......stupid monkey's!"

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by David B.


Found it:

'I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, "give me five bees for a quarter," they'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war - the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.'

Another classic:

'You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I ran out of the house with a big washtub... Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a "walking bird". We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball"...'

hahaha i cat top laughin