Things to do to maximize your dating success rate
1. Stretch often and thoroughly throughout the course of the date. If you can do the splits, then remove your pants and undergarments and let's see it.
2. Compliment your date's posture. "You stand real straight," you might say. Don't be surprised if this immediately leads to sexual intercourse.
3. Talk about the future a lot. Talk about how cool you think it would be to be able to ride a robot to work every day and to have a machine wipe your ass for you. Women are looking for men who think about their future.
4. Maintain proper hygiene. I recommend finding flaws in your date's own hygiene and then pointing them out to her repeatedly. This should accentuate to her that you are aware of the importance of cleanliness.
5. Keep the profanity to a minimum. Like 8-10 swear words per phrase is an absolute maximum.
6. Show her how sensitive and caring you are. For instance, you could say, "I love retards. The way they take so long to learn new things is absolutely adorable."
7. Never grab at her genitals unless you are sure she wants you to, or unless you simply can't control yourself any longer.
8. Always be punctual. Show up a little early for your date and then chew her out when she arrives whether she's late or not. Demand monetary recompensation for the time you had to spend waiting. This should convey to her that you're serious about your date.
9. Never hit or kick your date. However, if your date says something really offensive or just kind of looks at you the wrong way, then you can kick her ONCE in the teeth. Any more would be excessive.
10. Last but not least, be playful. For instance, take your date's purse if she has one and don't give it back no matter how angry she appears to be getting. Deep down, she's having fun and chicks love winners.
