Time: The Greatest Myth of All Time
For as long as anyone can remember, people have been hurrying here and scuttling there, doing everything in their power to avoid being late. We are a society driven by our unrelenting urge to always be punctual, that and our unrivaled ability to poke things. We feel inclined to be on time for school, work, and any appointments we may have made for ourselves. Secretly though, we hate time and everything it represents. We despise the idea of our lives passing us by, flickering briefly and then being extinguished by the infinite hands of time.
What no one seems to get though is that, like the platypus, time is nothing more than a figment of our imagination. It is nothing more than an idea created by bored pirates roughly 3000 years ago, who, starved for entertainment, assigned a numerical system to keep track of the changing seasons.
So, the next time your boss tells you you're late for work, you might want to reply with, "Says you. Personally, I have opted to chose enlightenment over your trivial concept of time and space, thank you very much." Then smack your scrotum repeatedly against your palm to really drive home what you're trying to say.
People don't have to get older. There is no difference between any two moments in what is commonly called time. Sure, things may sometimes look a little less yellow, but they aren't really. The important thing to remember is that by not keeping track of time, your body will have no concept of age and so will have no choice but to leave you looking young, beautiful, and fully erect.
In conclusion, time is much like facial hair in a bad-ass teenage mustache, it's kind of there only not really. You have to see the forest for the trees, and by that I of course that it's never too late to attach plastic rhinestone gems to everything you own.
