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  1. #1
    tolinka's Avatar
    tolinka is offline Senior Member
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    Conversation Killer

    There is this one question that can be phrased in many diffrent ways that totally turns the conversation with a girl a little sadder..."Where are your parents?" or any other topic about my parents.

    I moved to the states to family by myslf, my dad passed away 4 years ago, and im not in the best relatioshpis with my mom, i havent talked to her for over 7 months...

    It seems when a girl goes to ask me that and I answer it honestly, it takes a whole down turn and the conversation becomes quiter and less exciting...how can I avoid this happening?

  2. #2
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tolinka
    There is this one question that can be phrased in many diffrent ways that totally turns the conversation with a girl a little sadder..."Where are your parents?" or any other topic about my parents.

    I moved to the states to family by myslf, my dad passed away 4 years ago, and im not in the best relatioshpis with my mom, i havent talked to her for over 7 months...

    It seems when a girl goes to ask me that and I answer it honestly, it takes a whole down turn and the conversation becomes quiter and less exciting...how can I avoid this happening?
    You can't. I'm in the same boat as you, more or less. My dad died (maybe two years ago now) and up until that point I hadn't spoken with my mom for five years. She returned ONLY to make every possible attempt to weasle into his estate somehow, as he died monumentally more wealthy than he had been when they were married. I went to a wedding this weekend and realized that, at mine, there will be no introduction of the groom's parents, nor will there be such a presence for graduations, xmas, etc, etc. However, it is such a part of who I am, that I think somehow wanting to avoid it in conversation would be to necessarily deny a significant part of myself to that person. I don't think I've ever had the experience of a conversation going downhill because of it, in fact, it is normally (in retrospect) one of the things people point to as one of the first instances in which they really got to know me on a deeper level. I personally am of the opinion that it causes a downturn in the conversation precisely because it is something you don't want brought up...if you can eventually accept it as a part of who you are, as something that has shaped you, you can begin to lose that attitude. ANY subject matter that you would rather didn't come up, whether it be pro baseball, public education or your parents, will necessarily hamper conversation, as the other person can definitively sense the fact that you are no longer open to conversation.

  3. #3
    tolinka's Avatar
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    Thanks for that advice BG...

    However, I do accept what I am and where I am coming from, but after I briefly tell about my past, I try to cheer up the conversation once again, but it seems like it doesnt work. I assume because the girl feels guilty for asking me such queastions, even though I say its fine, its not a big deal...This sucks when it happeneds on a first date or just a random person I meet.

  4. #4
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    I guess I've just found it to be the opposite. Since it happened, I've found that it becomes the point from which the conversations go from very casual to very deep

  5. #5
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    i just say my dad died 10 years ago, and then go on to tell her about all the cool shit he did. then i tell her about how badass my mom is before and after he died...

    then i ask if i can touch her boobs...=)

    -- cb

  6. #6
    tolinka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clockworks
    i just say my dad died 10 years ago, and then go on to tell her about all the cool shit he did. then i tell her about how badass my mom is before and after he died...

    then i ask if i can touch her boobs...=)

    -- cb
    I would use, can I see you poonanie?

  7. #7
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    honestly i've seen it from both sides and i dont know if there is much you can say. They just feel bad for making you talk about. My gf lost her father about 10 years ago and her mother last year.And i see it all the time when people ask her.

    A long time ago i meet some girl and we were talking and i asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere. She said she couldn't she lost her licence. I was was like i just got my back for to many points. why did you lose yours? She got an an accident and killed her little brother. I felt like a complete piece of shit. Even though i didnt do anything wrong.It's just human nature if you have any feelings
    Last edited by gixxerboy1; 07-17-2003 at 04:26 PM.

  8. #8
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    I have a great relationship with my parents... Don't take this the wrong way, but you guys just made me appreciate that a little more.
    Thanks,
    ~R

  9. #9
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    I'm not trying to turn this thread down a different road, but 1st god bless you guys! Really! I couldn't imagine not having my dad around! I know I just got married (2nd time, but this time my rents were there) and they started busten a move on the dance floor swing dancing and stuff and all my bud's and there girls were just blown away! They're show stoppers!

    gixxerboy As far as asking a question with your foot in your mouth (accidentally) it happened to me not to long ago and I felt absolutely like dog crap! At it was an innocent question, I just kept saying sorry, i felt terrible! Still do...

    SID

  10. #10
    Tock's Avatar
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    Asking a question that puts a foot in the mouth, eh? I recall being busy while a group of guys shuffled into barber school dressed in fatigues. They shuffled into chairs, and I put a chair cloth (a cape) on the guy in my chair, and said, "Going camping?" He looked at me like I was crazy and held out his feet for me to see . . . they were in shackles. He was on a work detail from some local prison, they had stopped in for a quick haircut. All I could say was, "Oh."

    As far as asking about crazy or dead family members, all you can do is tell 'em the truth. Mine died 3 years ago, and it was an improvement to the planet . . . this planet is full of assholes, and my dad was one of them. That's all there is to it, and that's all I need to say. My mom is a controlling manipulative, um, woman, and there's a long story here, but we aren't going to be able to have a healthy adult-to-adult relationship until she sees a shrink and works through a lot of her own psychological crap (her mother was a crazy manipulative, um, woman too).

    No need for your friends to be embarrassed over your parent's problems (or death). That's stuff that concerns them, it ain't your responsibility. Just shrug your shoulders unapologetically and say, "That's the way things are."
    You can worry about other folk's reactions if you like, but it won't change the way they feel . . .

  11. #11
    tolinka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreen
    .....I went to a wedding this weekend and realized that, at mine, there will be no introduction of the groom's parents, nor will there be such a presence for graduations, xmas, etc, etc...
    Dude, I dont think I ever thought of that before....this makes me kinda sad now, and I havent been sad for a while...

  12. #12
    ripsid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreen
    I went to a wedding this weekend and realized that, at mine, there will be no introduction of the groom's parents, nor will there be such a presence for graduations, xmas, etc, etc.
    I feel you bro.... that will only make you stronger!

    SID

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