Joke: Late Breaking News!

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 07:29 AM

Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?

Because they have cotton balls.

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 07:30 AM

What three two-letter words denote "small"?

"Is it in?"

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 07:32 AM

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 08:17 AM

What do you call a fish with no eye?

FSH

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 08:19 AM

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with women?

Breasts don't have eyes.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 08:19 AM

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 08:25 AM

What has 4 legs and one arm?

A Doberman in a playground

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 08:26 AM

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 08:53 AM

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

They're hiring.

**mammoth** · 08-01-2003, 08:58 AM

I'll give it a shot:

A seal walks into a club.........

How about a dirty joke:

A white horse falls into muddy water!!

Oh well!

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by mammoth

I'll give it a shot:

A seal walks into a club.........

How about a dirty joke:

A white horse falls into muddy water!!

Oh well!

**mammoth** · 08-01-2003, 08:59 AM

Here's a slightly distasteful one.....

What has a 1,000 legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's Kids!!

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 09:02 AM

Mechanic tells me I blew a seal in my car.

I say “hey buddy, leave my private life out of it and just fix the car!

Mammoth, I like the seal and club one

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 09:04 AM

Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 09:06 AM

What do you call death by pig stampede?

Sooey-cide.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 09:08 AM

What did the lightbulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.

**FrkyBgStok** · 08-01-2003, 10:30 AM

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and brass balls?

Sparky

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 10:37 AM

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop?

An amish drive-by shooting

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 10:38 AM

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 10:47 AM

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, whack, damn.
A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 10:47 AM

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

**TheMudMan** · 08-01-2003, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by mammoth

I'll give it a shot:

A seal walks into a club.........

How about a dirty joke:

A white horse falls into muddy water!!

Oh well!

Hey, that joke doesn't get any beter if you post it more

**mfenske** · 08-01-2003, 12:17 PM

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

What's the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Mark

**Juggernaut** · 08-01-2003, 01:37 PM

How do you get an LSU cheerleader into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push like hell!

How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs?
To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

**mammoth** · 08-04-2003, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by TheMudMan

Hey, that joke doesn't get any beter if you post it more

Accidental double post. Certainly weird though!!

**caturpilar** · 08-04-2003, 01:16 PM

A mushroom walks into a bar, the barkeep says, "we don't serve mushrooms in here"
The mushroom replies "why not I'm a Fun-gi"

**FrkyBgStok** · 08-04-2003, 05:23 PM

Two bananas are talking about sex when they ask the raisen for its opinion. What did the raisen say?

Nothing, raisens can't talk.

What's the difference between an apple and an orange?

A lightpole because motorcycles don't have doors.

**Terinox** · 08-04-2003, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by FrkyBgStok

What's the difference between an apple and an orange?

A lightpole because motorcycles don't have doors.

I don't get it.

**FrkyBgStok** · 08-05-2003, 06:02 PM

you aren't supposed to get it. I need to bump this thread. its been 24 hours since someone posted. we can't let this die!!!

**TheMudMan** · 08-05-2003, 06:11 PM

Why did the girl loaf of stale bread slap the boy loaf of stale bread?

Because he tried to get fresh.

**TheMudMan** · 08-05-2003, 06:12 PM

Why was the belt thrown in jail?

He held up a pair of pants.

**FrkyBgStok** · 08-06-2003, 10:24 AM

A rabbi goes to the jungle to preach to a tribe of Trids. Everything is going fine until one night, a big gorilla jumps out of the forest and starts kicking all the Trids. So the rabbi goes to the gorilla and says, "hey pick on someone your own size." The gorilla responds, "silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

**TheDfromGC** · 08-06-2003, 10:53 AM

whats the best snake for a car???

a windshield viper

**Terinox** · 08-06-2003, 04:18 PM

Hahahahahahaha, hilarious, keep them comming

**TheMudMan** · 08-07-2003, 05:11 AM

How do you fix a broken pizza?

Use tomato paste.

**TheMudMan** · 08-07-2003, 05:12 AM

Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

It's rated aaarrrrrrrr.

**Catamount** · 08-07-2003, 06:37 AM

True story last night:

My roommate says to me "God, your getting a little testy lately"

I respond "That's because I've got a lot of Test E in me"

Very gay as she put it but I had a good laugh over my joke.

**TheMudMan** · 08-07-2003, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by Catamount

True story last night:

My roommate says to me "God, your getting a little testy lately"

I respond "That's because I've got a lot of Test E in me"

Very gay as she put it but I had a good laugh over my joke.

At least somebody did

**TheMudMan** · 08-11-2003, 10:35 AM

A blind man walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: "Can I help, sir?" "No thanks," says the blind bloke. "Just looking."

**Terinox** · 08-11-2003, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by TheMudMan

A blind man walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: "Can I help, sir?" "No thanks," says the blind bloke. "Just looking."

That was hilarious!