JOKES: The DD/The Vacuum Salesman
The DD
A police officer, who was hoping to catch someone drunk, waited outside a bar. Now most bars close at midnight, so he parked himself right around the bar and waited for someone to come out drunk and get behind the wheel. Sure enough, at 11:45 p.m., a man came stumbling out of the bar. It took him five minutes to get to his car and another five to turn the car on. The police officer sensed victory and let the man start driving.
He pulled the man over only 50 feet away from the tavern.
He walked up to the man and said, "I just saw you come out of that bar and you were pretty loaded."
"Daknguifshregjdgfnfdjgn," said the drunken man.
"How many beers did you have?" asked the police officer.
"Anoout 15," said the man.
"Fifteen! And you are trying to drive?!? You will get life for this! Hop outta the car. I am gonna run some tests on you," said the officer.
The man hopped out of his car with perfect grace. He smiled and stood on one foot, hopped up and down and said his ABC's forwards and backwards. The police officer couldn't get it.
"Okay, let me smell your breath," said the officer.
"Sure," said the man.
He exhaled right into the officer's nose and the officer didn't smell any beer on his breath.
"Well I guess I am gonna have to let you go, but why did you stumble out of the bar so drunk?"
"Oh I am the DD," said the man.
"The designated driver?"
"No, the designated decoy," said the man.
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The Vacuum Salesman
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean, tough-looking lady opens the door. Before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
