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  1. #1
    KunipshunFit's Avatar
    KunipshunFit is offline Lounge Lizard
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    Beer Beer Beer: we have to talk

    Dear Alcohol,

    First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.
    Yes,
    my
    friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
    cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays
    hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst
    of
    endless family gatherings. Yet lately I've been wondering about your
    intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at
    heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences,
    briefed below for your review.



    1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is
    important,
    I
    question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or
    necessity
    takes place after 2am.



    2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far
    from
    my specialty, why you sugg! ested that I eat a kabob with chili sauce,
    coupled
    with pot noodles and some stale chips (washed down with chocolate
    Nesquik
    and topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls and chili
    cheese
    fries) is beyond me. Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far
    this
    time.



    3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to
    do
    more
    yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by
    causing me to fall down. Completely unnecessary. Similarly, it should
    never
    take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.



    4.Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often
    clarify
    the
    last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever
    being
    placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties,
    boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or
    bras.




    5. B! eer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most
    l ikely
    do not. Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do
    actually know that person. The phrase 'let's screw' is illegal from
    now
    on.
    While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the
    brain-to-mouth-block
    that
    would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in
    public.




    6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. Now, I know a little
    penance
    for our previous evenings debauchery may be in order, but the 2pm
    hangover
    immobility is completely unacceptable. I ask that, if the proper
    precautions
    are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going
    to
    bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn,
    the
    hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily
    Saturday or
    Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities. Come on now, it's only
    fair
    - You do your part, I'll do mine.



    Alcohol, I have enjoyed! our friendship for some years now and would
    like
    to
    ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great
    stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion
    when I
    just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In
    order
    to
    continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my
    grievances
    above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later
    than
    Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully
    we
    can continue this fruitful partnership.



    Thank you.

  2. #2
    BUYLONGTERM's Avatar
    BUYLONGTERM is offline Anabolic Member
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    The scary thing is it's all TRUE!!!!!!

  3. #3
    MMC78's Avatar
    MMC78 is offline Senior Member
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    Do people think a 5-6 drink night once a week has an appreciable effect on gains?

  4. #4
    palme's Avatar
    palme is offline Rosie Member
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    Having trouble with keys is always an issue for me when under the sweet nectar of life

  5. #5
    G Child's Avatar
    G Child is offline Anabolic Member
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    Some kind of padded room...wearing some kinda white jacket...can't move...help!
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    Hmmm... so my 5-6 drinks every night isn't ok?

  6. #6
    talon's Avatar
    talon is offline Senior Member
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    And ya forgot about the unwanted sex with fine friends that you both regret the next day, but know you would do it again in a heart beat...he he he.

  7. #7
    RON's Avatar
    RON
    RON is offline Anabolic Member
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    So Cal
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    Quote Originally Posted by G Child
    Hmmm... so my 5-6 drinks every night isn't ok?
    Well from personal experience I would say thats just fine. Especially if you want to gain some mass in the spare tire.

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