Thread: She's coming home today!
08-19-2003, 06:23 AM #1
She's coming home today!
I'm just sitting here at work trying to make it look like I'm doing something, waiting for her to call me to say she's ready. Guys, I ave been put through the ultimate test a husband can go through. During her counciling she decided to tell me of two seperate occasions that she had slept with 2 other men during our marriage. 1 was back about 4 years ago when I was in the Navy, and the other was a few months ago with an undercover peice of dog shit cop in the next town over. (He thinks he can call me and run his mouth off just because he's a cop..... they bleed just like we do.) Anyways, when she told me I got up to walk out of her life forever, but something stopped me. I sat back down and she was filled with tears begging me to let her spend the rest of her life making it up to me. Part of her bi-polar/ deppression is she doesn't like trusting anyone and she doesn't believe anyone loves her. She told me that she never thought I truely loved her and the first time she was just trying to hurt me before I hurt her. She said the second time she was depressed, we were fighting like crazy, and she turned to another man for comfort. I hurt like I've never hurt before, but with the advice of a good man (Jugg, you will always be in my thoughts and prayers bro!), and sometime to think about things, I've decided to give her the oppurtunity to love me. I have never and will never stop loving this woman, plain and simple. I see the sincerety in her eyes when she tells me how much she hates herself for what she did to me. She wishes she would have realized that I really did love her so she would have never done these horrible things to me. So guys.... if I can forgive her I don't want any of you calling her names or talking crap. She's my wife and I love her, plain and simple. This friday is our 5 year anniversary and we plan to renew our vows and star over from day 1. Like I said guys, I can forgive what she's done but never forget. But I love her and even though part of me wants to walk away and never look back, from the way we've been talking I believe that we are coming out of this stronger than we've ever been before. Thanks for all the support guys.... just please cross your fingers say a few prayers or whatever you do, to hope that my marriage can be saved and worked out. Because there is no such thing as a fairy tale marriage. Marriage is a full time job that requires dedication, hard work, and patience to succeed. I have all of these qualities. Yes I'm scared to death that she'll hurt me again, but hey that's what love is...... a gamble, and I like my odds.
08-19-2003, 06:37 AM #2
Best of luck bro!
08-19-2003, 07:24 AM #3
Wow...... I don't know what I would have done in your situation after hearing that but I think you're doing what's best for you and your family right now by giving her a chance. I hope everything works out and she's able to overcome her problems with trust and depression.
I will keep my fingers crossed for ya bro!
08-19-2003, 09:03 AM #4
I am impressed with your strength Big Tex. Most people would walk out of a relationship after hearing the significant other cheated on them once let alone twice. That shows some some serious commitment and understanding on your behalf. Way to go man!!!
Hopefully the future for you two can be a lot smoother and a lot less taxing on the two of you.
08-19-2003, 09:07 AM #5Banned
Originally Posted by AbsolutelyLethal
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08-19-2003, 09:17 AM #6
you've got a good head on your shoulders BT. Whether any of us agree or disagree with you is irrelevant. You know what is best for you and your family...go with your gutt feeling bro. I know many men that have lived a lonely life because of pride. Just do what you know is right in your heart bro. Good luck!
08-19-2003, 09:33 AM #7
Thanks guys.... 1 day at a time is all we are going to do. Like I said, I love her and that's all I know. I hurt like hell, but I believe it would hurt alot worse losing her. Don't get me wrong, she pulls that shyte again and her azz will be out on the corner. But I believe she's never going to make that mistake again. I do trust my gut, it hasn't done me wrong yet. I've always had a feeling that she did cheat on me, but I had no proof. Like someone told me, a man can walk away from something like this, but an even bigger man can forgive and move past it. I appreciate all the kind words guys. Believe it or not I still believe that she's a good woman. She made some mistakes but who here hasn't? Besides, 5 years of marriage, all the crap I've gone through, and 2 kids is something worth fighting for. I can't walk away without knowing in my heart that I did everything I could to make this work.
08-19-2003, 09:48 AM #8
Big T I have nothing but respect for you !
Hope everything goes well for you and your family.
Sincere best wishes.
08-19-2003, 09:53 AM #9Anabolic Member
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- The land of stars
God Damn everyone stand up and give this mana standing ovation (sp)....BT every time I read your post you make all of us look little....you have such a big heart and are such a caring man.....I truly wish you and your wife the best of luck....and if she does mess up one more time...move on dude, cause there is a girl out there that does deserve you....more importantly.....the lady getting your attention now needs it....and she will get better....she finally seems to realize your qualities.... BT you are truly the MAN!
08-19-2003, 10:14 AM #10
Thanks Butch. I just know what I want and I'm stubborn, that's all. Let me tell you about how my wife saved my life almost 6 years ago.
I used to be filled with nothing but hatred for the world and everything in it. I cared about no one or even about myself. I attempted suicide numerous times, just wanted to see what death was like. I did nothing but get into fights, drink, and do drugs. I would black out for days not knowing what I had done or to whom I had done it to. I was basically a shell of a human being. All I wanted to do was hurt myself and those around me. I would drink to feel better and when that wasn't enough I would snort an 8 ball and go looking for a fight. Than one day I met this girl, god she was beautiful. I really wasn't interested, because I thought she was out of my league. Well she kept calling me and asking me to come over to her apartment. She had a reputation and I figured an easy lay so why not. I get there and we spend the next 10 hours doing nothing but talking. I walked away that morning a changed man. She had my heart in the palm of her hand. A week later I quit the drug use but kept drinking. We moved in together and she basically told me no more fights or I'd be out on the street. So I quit getting into trouble. About a month later I asked her to marry me on my lunch break, she said yes. When I got home there were these empty beer cans lined up all over the kitchen along with half a bottle of bourbon. I asked what all that was about and she said that's what I drink on average everyday. She told me about how she watched her father drink himself to death and she wasn't going to watch another man she cared about do the same. So she told me flat out, either her or the alcohol, well I chose her. It was hard giving it up but she helped me through it. Next she helped me find my faith in humanity and in the lord once again. She made me care..... about myself and others. She has this child like innocnece about her that just rubs off on people she's around. I started smiling again and when I laughed it was happy laughter. She did all this for me, if it wasn't for her I'm sure I'd be dead by now or in prison. All this is part of why I can't walk away from her.... I owe her the chance to do right because she saved me all those years ago. So all I can do is wake up each morning, look at her, smile and love her and make sure she knows everyday of her life that I love her and will not hurt her.
08-19-2003, 10:15 AM #11
You seem like a really good guy, Big Texan, it's too bad she put you through all this.
08-19-2003, 10:20 AM #12
Horse... hey, I've never taken the easy road in my life. Besides it doesn't matter how we get there, just as long as we get there together.
08-19-2003, 10:39 AM #13
good luck with a new start.. I'd fuck that cop up tho.. they r nothing when they r out of uniform..
08-19-2003, 10:59 AM #14
Love is forever so I know why you are giving her another chance no madder what you always will and it hurts like hell to loose someone I have seen pleanty of relationships where it has happend for the better so good luck and hope everything turns out well i will still say prayers for you and your family
08-19-2003, 11:11 AM #15
Good luck bro. Just stick to your guns and you will do fine. Just like your wife saved you once, now it's your turn to return the favor. Put all that past bullshit aside. If you dwell on it, it will eat you up. Get your fresh start, but don't put up with any monkey business. There needs to be consequences for ones actions in relationships and in life. Both yours and hers.
08-19-2003, 01:35 PM #16
Big Texan, itís a pleasure to read sheíll be coming home today. Iím sure you are excited and nervous all at the same time. You keep your eye on the big picture and do all you can to make things work out the way you want them too. Based on what I know of your character I have no doubt things will work out just as you want them too.
Everyone deserves a second chance now and then. Iím sure there are things we all wished we could have a second chance to correct. Getting blindsided and going down like a ton of bricks is the norm, to get blindsided and still remain on your feet now that shows some character. And yours, my wilily friend, makes you ten feet tall in my book.
08-19-2003, 02:19 PM #17
Big T, as always mad props, but this is truly inspirational. Your ability to forgive and forget while continuing to be commited to the relationship is a gift. I, along with everyone else, am very impressed. Congratulations bro, I wish you the best. Your wife sounds like from above to be a kind hearted, good-natured person, as you are, so I have good faith that you both will be able to make it work... once again best o luck!
08-19-2003, 02:59 PM #18Anabolic Member
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- The land of stars
Everyone does deserve a second chance....BT thanks for sharing your life stories with us....it was real inspirational....I do truly wish you and your wife the best of luck....your faith in the Lord and humanity will be what gets you through this....Keep it real bro and keep smiling!
08-19-2003, 03:20 PM #19Member
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- Apr 2002
- In The Chocolate Factory
Big TEX thats great news!!! ya must be catchin sum serious feelings right now, juss itchin 2 get that kall. Good luck to u & ur wife down this journey, juss remember what dont kill ya will make u even stronger. u know already, when it comes down 2 the person u luvin everyone's elses a opinion is nuttin. its whats best 4 ur ass,no one knows ur wifey like u do. We aint u, we aint in that position, therefore we respectin what u gonna put down. I think thats tuff, how u guys are gonna take the vows again, writing in the same book but startin off wit a different chapter. Like always brotha, i gott u.
Last edited by Yung Wun; 08-19-2003 at 03:24 PM.
08-19-2003, 03:56 PM #20
Damn, good show bro..good show..I got chills when I read that post because it reminded me of some stuff I went through about a year ago. It was on a smaller scale (no marriage) but very similar. I believe you guys will be fine, especially when the depression is taken care of if it isn't already. In the most sincere way I wish the best of luck to the both of you..
08-19-2003, 04:03 PM #21
Bro I am happy to hear things are looking up for you. Being able to forgive is a quality which is unfortunately lacking in most people I encounter today. It's relieving to know that you could be put through so much pain and still consider others feelings and thoughts as well. A role model for us all. good luck.
08-19-2003, 05:45 PM #22
Wow BT... I mean what can I say... you're a stand up guy. Wow!
I guess you really take the "in sickness and in health" part of your marriage seriously, after all your wife does have some health problems, and those mistakes she made may be in some way related. By giving her the benefit of the doubt you are definetly the bigger man and display true love.
I only wish I were half the man you are bro. Hang in there.
08-19-2003, 06:14 PM #23
BT, I have no idea what to say. I've never been in your situation. I read your post and then I read how she saved your life. You are two miraculous people what have both gone through things in your life that a lot of people go through. But it sounds like in the end you both come out better and stronger people. Good luck to the both of you man, though I really don't think either of you need it.
08-19-2003, 06:58 PM #24
Your a great man,,most guys would have walked away in that situation. I can tell that you have a good head on your shoulders,,so if you think you two are meant for each other that I think that's wonderful. Glad to see your doing well,,,keep us posted!
08-19-2003, 07:48 PM #25
Damn good to hear that bro! It's hard to hold on with problems like those. I can almost empathize with you. I'm split up with 3 kids and its hell, but man you inspire me to try and get back with my wife. WAY TO GO man, your definitly a true hero, god bless. CAT.
08-20-2003, 12:33 AM #26
be stong bro we are hear for you
08-20-2003, 06:15 AM #27
Thanks guys. Like I said before, I'm just trying to do what's best for us. It's hard to look past what she did but I still love her. The pain is there and will be there for along time to come, but her new found love for me will hopefully help me overcome it. Trust me guys it's hard. We went to the store right after I picked her up to buy some groceries and she went to go get her prescription filled and it was taking awhile and suddenly the thought of her meeting with that jackass popped in my head. You should have seen how pissed I looked walking through the store looking for her, because people were just jumping out of my way. Anyways I walk around the corner and she's just sitting there in front of the pharmacy looking mad herself because of how long it's taking. So I walk up and she reaches for my hand and tells me thank you for loving her. Guys..... like I said this is the hardest thing I've gone through, but I honestly believe we'll make it. I just have the trust issue going on right now and m,y jealous streak is about a mile wide. But with time and patience it will get better. All I know is that people take marriage too litely now a days. If you stop for a minute and listen to vows you promise this other person, you're talking lifetime here... not bail at the first sign of trouble. Anyways I really appreciate all of you guys here. AR has definetly helped me through this ordeal and I'm sure will help me in more ways to come. You guys are true bro's and much love goes out to all of you. All I can say is that I love this woman, I can't say if I'm doing theright thing or not..... only time will tell. But I can promise you this, I don't give up without one hell of a fight, never have and never will. Thanks again guys!
08-20-2003, 09:03 AM #28
Good luck bro! It seems your head and heart are in the right place. As you say, that your wife did change you and made you a better person, so now this is your chance to stand by her and support her in dealing with her depression problems. Hope things work out for you guys.... Best of luck
08-20-2003, 09:29 AM #29Junior Member
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- Feb 2003
Hey there BT,
I'm so glad you're giving her a second chance. I gotta hand it to you cause
there are allot who would just run the other way and never look back. That
is what I call true love!!!!
My cousins wife is bi-polar and has had a nervous breakdown from her stopping
taking her meds. That is part of bi-polar. They feel they are doing so well
they no longer need the meds, which is not true. That is why she had the
breakdown. She stopped taking the med which helped her sleep but did take what helps
her wake up. Her mind was running 24/7 until it shut down, which caused the nervous breakdown. She has been home for about 3 weeks now and is almost herself
again. A little slow since she has to adjust to being put back on her meds. My cousin
now gives them to her so he knows she takes it. They have 2 sons who've been with us for the time she was in the hospital. This actually was her 3rd breakdown,
each caused by her stopping her meds. This time the dr. told them that if it
happens too many times she may not come out of it. We wish they told hem
that the first time unless they did not know it? I'm not trying to scare you
but my cousin wishes they knew this before it happened. Maybe she would not
have attempted to stop the meds again if she knew this. She told us that she
was never told that before and it scarred her. I think it scarred her enough that
she would not try to stop taking it again. Some signs that she is not taking meds is
when she goes on a buying spree. The 1 time she bought a new computer, new set
of pots and pans (red) to match the kitchen, new Video Camera, new fax, new digital
camera, new entertainment center, and a Lincoln LS in about 2 weeks!!! Then had the
You're wife may not be as bad as my cousin's wife but I figured I'd fill you in on what
he went through.
They do not realize some of the things the do. I'm guessing you realize that.
It is great that you're there to help her. I believe the only reason she did what
she did was she did not trust anybody, like you stated.
Please do not take this offensively. I just wanted you to know what bi-polar can cause
if meds are stopped.
I wish you two the best!!!
08-23-2003, 02:27 AM #30
I hope the best works out for you bro. Good luck.
08-23-2003, 03:05 AM #31
Damn bro.................My hat goes off to you..........Have you ever seen the movie..(when a man loves a woman) not quite your same situation but it doesnt matter because you love your wife unconditionally just like andy garcia did in the movie.................and it takes a lot of balls to post something as personal as you did on a forum..............I hope everybody that posts to this thread gives you the strength to go on and make the right decisions for your family...............It takes a big man to stick around and work out your problems rather than throwing in the towel and just saying fuck it!!!.........Good Luck....I hope you can work it out.
09-27-2003, 04:12 PM #32
BT, I wish nothing but the best for both you and your wife.
You are a bigger man than most bro.
09-27-2003, 06:18 PM #33New Member
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- Aug 2003
I could never forgive something like that, bro. But I completely understand that it'll make you guys stronger. I really hope everything works out and hopefully, with time, you can completely get over what she did.
09-27-2003, 09:58 PM #34Associate Member
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- Aug 2002
Damn bro I admire your dedication. Hope everything works out for ya and you can get through the pain and anger. If you need to vent I have a certain boss who i'd love to see get randomly jumped.
09-27-2003, 10:57 PM #35
Damn guys, digging up an old thread are we? It's all good though, I true;y appreciate the support. I'm sitting herre typing this watching her sleep in our bed. I can't believe how much I love this woman, ut at the same time part of me dispises her for what she did. The past couple of weeks, do to the medication and therapy, she's become the wife I've always wanted. She's been cooking, cleaning, taking care of me and the kids, calling me, holding my hand, keeps telling me how much she loves me, and unfortanetly crying. She cries because she hates herself for what she did and for what she almost lost. I try to comfort her but at the same time I feel somewhat glad to see her uipset at herself. I am still in the process of tracking down this cop and my old Navy "buddy", ut as the wife and I are concerned, we're doing great. There's been no fights no arguments, just long talks each night, and alot of holding each other. Thanks for all the support and kind words. Guys I don't think I'm a better man than anyone else, I'm just a man that is in love with his wife, best friend, partner, mother of his children and best of all...... his soulmate. Well that's about all I can say without thinking about it all and getting pissed off or upset, so thatnks guys..... I can't tell you how much all of your support means to me.
09-27-2003, 11:35 PM #36
Just stumpled across this semi-old thread, and I must say that it is impressive of you to be the bigger man. Personally, I do not know what my actions would be in a situation like this, hopefully the right ones whatever they might be. So, I just wanted to wish you guys the best of luck.
09-28-2003, 12:03 AM #37Associate Member
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- Aug 2002
Glad to hear it's going good bro... you've definately got your priorities straight... haven't been to the board in a while and just read this thread which is why i replied when it was dug up again. Just curious what you plan on doing if you do track down these guys or if you dont want to talk about it I understand... keep working at it and i'm sure it will workout great.
09-28-2003, 12:15 AM #38
Damn Big T I never read this. Hope this situation works out for you. There are few times when I think I love my wife but the longer we're married the more there are times when I really hate her. I tell you in all honest if it were not for how much I love my kids I would be out of here a year or two ago. I think she really might be bipolar also. She'll be fine then all of a sudden she snaps and she's screaming at me and at the kids. Not the normal yelling but as if she were the devil herself (yes Satan is a woman). Anyway I feel for ya bro but I am still happy you can be with a woman you must love very much. Hope it all works out.
09-28-2003, 12:47 AM #39
I am glad everything is working out better bro you are a good man and deserve the best
I just wish I felt what you felt when you see her I did feel this way about a women once but we went our seperate ways she tells me she is going to marry a marine (HINT HINT) and she is going to see me for graduation I figured I have to make myself into something before I find her again she had a 4.0 gpa in highschool and could get accepted to any colledge she wanted to she is in San Diego right now going to school and she is going to join the NAVY go figure lol to become a nurse so I wish you and your family all the best bro you deserve a good life
09-28-2003, 08:14 AM #40
Needtpbeswoledup, well if I ever find these guys I'm not real sure what I'll do. I feel like I need to confront my old friend and look him in the eyes and tell him that I know and exactly what I think of him, also I want to tell his wife what he did. As for the cop I just want to know what he looked like, I've already told him off over the phone and got him in trouble with his chief, they transferred him to Colorado County near Houston.
RON, bro if you suspect her of being bi-polar or having some kind of problem I recommend having her see a specialist. If it is the case she isn't aware of any of the problems you and your kids face each day. What is real to her isn't what is real for you and everyone else around her. I suggest trying to get her in to see someone or at least both of you go for counsiling and take it from there.
WRSTLR- thanks bro. I hope you joining the marines isn't for her, but rather something you're doing for yourself. If it was meant to be with you two, things will work out ut if she doesn't feel the same, than move on bro. You're young and have an entire lifetime ahead of you, you'll find the right one and when you do both of you will know, something just clicks. Best of luck to you and thanks everyone, this is the hardest fight of my life. There are days that I don't feel like I can forgive her and get over it and some days I can't stand to look at her, ut others are good. I'm just taking it one day at a time and at least giving her a chance to be my wife, I want to see if I can fall in love with her again. As of right now I do love her, I just don't feel like I'm in love with her. The past 5 years of our marriage have een one big lie so I need to take the time and get to really know her and see if she is someone I can give my heart to once more.
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