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  1. #1
    OGPackin's Avatar
    OGPackin is offline Anabolic Member
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    I need some advice

    ok, heres the deal. Iv been seeing this girl for a couple months now. Shes everything id want in a significant other. Very pretty, smart, bubbly personality, just an all around good person. We're able to talk for hours at a time and not get bored with each other too. Iv really fallen hard for her and she knows it. Problem is 3 weeks before we met the guy she was seeing for 6 years broke off their engagemnt. It was a mutual thing but he was the one who said it first and she cant seem to get over it. She still has his ring and he keeps calling and or emailing her looking for it back. Iv told her to send it back to have some closer. And that way we can move forward with whatever we have going. But it seems shes hanging on and its really bothering me. We act like we are bf/gf but she keeps saying shes not ready for a commitment. Iv brought up maybe we should not see or speak to each other till she gets over him. But she says "no" thats not what she wants. She says she really likes me and doesnt want to loose me but inturn she says shes not ready to commit to a relationship right now. This has me sooooooo confused its all i can think about and i really dont know what to do? Should i tell her we need some time apart so she can figure out if she wants to be with me, or should i just ride it out and see what happens? What would u guys do if u were in my shoes? I appreciate any response! Thxs!!

    OG

  2. #2
    palme's Avatar
    palme is offline Rosie Member
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    Hey bro how are you? PM me sometime Personally i think she should stop the mindgames give him the ring back and go for the better bro (OG). What she is doing now isnt right towards you.

  3. #3
    Butch is offline Anabolic Member
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    Dude in the beginning it is going ot be hard for her. WHo knows, it may never work between you two...however, if you do like her and want to be with her...give her time. Just be the shoulder she can lean on. She is not over him which means she may go back to him...which in turn will hurt you dude. In this situation, don't let yourself get too attached....cause you don't want toi get hurt.

    If she wants to be with you only...she'll come around. In time! Keep trukin dawg...if it's meant to be, you'll know.

  4. #4
    Pheedno is offline Respected Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OGPackin
    Should i tell her we need some time apart so she can figure out if she wants to be with me,
    OG

    NO!
    You need to be there as a friend to help her cope with the hugely significant change that just occured in her life. If you push away after bonding so much with her, you could unwantingly express a nervousness about her and the possible relationship which could ultimately sour the interest she has in you.
    Depending on her age, she's spent the greater part of her young adult life with this ex and having an abrubt ending to the union probably has her questioning her own values, and convictions about future relationships.
    The bond is there between you, and I would try to open up the lines of communitcation on the subject to express your concern and understanding, but to also possibly bloom an experience that will allow you both to learn more about what your looking for from each other and relationships in general.

    Communication is key. Talk with her about the ordeal absent from aggression or anxiousness. She having a problem letting go. Now whether it's because she still has feelings for the other guy is not apparent with the info we have. It's a possibility.
    I think a friend is what she needs right now. Someone she can trust to confide in whom she knows has no other motives leading to romance at this point. This is something that needs to be taken in stages, and right now it seems the stage requires support and understanding without pressure or resistance

  5. #5
    OGPackin's Avatar
    OGPackin is offline Anabolic Member
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    Thxs palme my brudda!

    Butch, i hearya bro. Im trying to be there for her. I try and give her advice because iv been there too. So i know what shes going through. But IMO i should be enough to get over him. Just like shes been enough for me to get over my x. I really have no worries that they will get back. Hes in the marines and stationed in San Diego and shes here in Florida. Plus she knows hes not right for her but she seems to dwel on it. The what if's, the what could she have done different. yadda yadda yadda. She cant admit it just wasnt meant to be between them. Her family didnt like him either and would tell her he wasnt right for her. So im pretty much caught in the middle. Damned if i do damned if i dont..errrrrrr

    OG

  6. #6
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    Bro....... you've definately got a situation on your hands and i know that you are basically head over heels for her, always do what you feel is right in your HEART, it seems to me that she is not completely over her Ex, thus the ring, no commitment, etc., so your damned if you do damned if ya dont, ya stick around and nurture her thru all this, then she leaves and goes back to him then your hurt and down for who knows how long, or she decides to move on forget about him and your happy as can be, ita a roll of the dice my Brother, but its a roll YOU have to make, nobody else, advice is a great thing as well as opinions, just remember to follow your heart and do what you feel is the right thing.Im not going to end with any sayings like "there are other fish in the sea,blah,blah,blah" or anything else you havent already heard, but just make sure you watch out for #1 Bro(yourself) your a great Bro and i hope it all works out for you.......your Bro...Contender

  7. #7
    OGPackin's Avatar
    OGPackin is offline Anabolic Member
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    Pheedno thxs bro for ur advice. We talk about it and our relationship all the time. It seems everytime we take a step forward something comes up (him) and we take 2 steps back. I try to be as sensitive as i can about the subject and i dont let any selfishness take over my advice to her. But its really hard when we act like we are together but in the next breath she says shes not ready. Its just very frustrating and disheartning. Knowing shes with me but hes still coming between us.

    OG

  8. #8
    OGPackin's Avatar
    OGPackin is offline Anabolic Member
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    Thxs Contender, ur a good bro and respect what u have to say! I know i need to look out for #1 first but like u and i said. Im damned if i do, damned if i dont. I feel if i do give her some space i will loose her. But then again if things keep going like this for much longer i wont be able to take it. So i dont know what ot do..errrrr

    OG

    PS. Pheedno, shes 31

  9. #9
    Butch is offline Anabolic Member
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    You know OG we can all sit here and give you advice...but it is all going to come down to one person...her. I don't mean this is a negative way...you're a good bro whom I respect....none of us want you to get hurt. She may talk to you about your relationship with her...however, everytime he comes up you all take a step back....this to me is a key indication that she is not over him...and she is maybe not wanting to get involved with you in case he does come back....she doesn't want closure right now....because if she did the she would not wear or have the ring visibale and she wouldn't have to take two steps back all the time....you all should be taking two steps forward every day.

    Just be patient...let her make the first move...yet don't let her know she is in control....being that homeboy lives in SD then I think your chances are greater than his....

  10. #10
    bedrocked is offline Junior Member
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    i think what you really need to do is examine where things are going with the two of you. a break up afte 6yrs is DAMN tough BUT from your post you sound like a stand up guy who doesn't deserve to be a rebound and/or hurt. take an objective look from the outside. is she showing signs of moving on at all? if not then she's just not ready and it's not really worth your time to sit around and wait for her to be. you sound like you definately have your head on your shoulders so i think you would be able to sit her down and have a mature heart to heart on the subject. if she's really not ready then you have to move on and she should be understanding of that. it's no one's fault just the timing isn't right. a universal truth for all relationships/friendships is that if it's not 50/50 it just doesn't work. wish you the best!

  11. #11
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    TheMudMan is offline Retired~ AR-Hall of Famer
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    OG...... This girl was with this other guy for 6 years no matter what is going on in her life good or bad it's going to take time for her to get over him. In all reality she should have given herself time to be alone for awhile before starting another relationship. The only thing you can do is be her friend and be there for her and hopefully in time she will get over this guy and move on to the better bro.... you.

    Good luck.

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