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  1. #1
    mass junkie's Avatar
    mass junkie is offline banned
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    My joke for the day

    Two drunks walk out of a bar to see a dog laying on the curb licking his balls. One drunk says to the other hey you see what that dog is doing?..Man I wish I could do that! The other drunk says i'm sure he'd let you if you'd go over and ask him.

  2. #2
    Juggernaut's Avatar
    Juggernaut is offline AR Jester
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    Well seeing how you posted this I'll add what I was going to post (we'll save some space on the server for our AR bros). Btw, there's another punchline to your joke. when the first drunk says "I wish I could do that" the other druck responds "Man, that dog would bite you!" (say it with a southern drawl). I think it's an old Georgia Bulldog joke. Good one Mass.

    LITTLE TONY ON PHILOSOPHY

    A young teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY.
    He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
    Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
    To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

    LITTLE TONY ON MATH
    Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
    "Why?" asks the father?
    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies TONY.
    "But that's right!" says his dad.
    "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
    "What's the f**king difference?" asks the father.
    "That's what I said!"

    LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
    Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
    TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
    Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
    Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

    LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
    Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
    The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
    Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

    LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
    One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
    First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
    "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
    "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
    She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
    "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said Beautiful, just f**king beautiful!"

    LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
    Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
    After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
    Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
    The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
    Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f**king business."

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