Originally Posted by KeyMastur
I'm the quickest shitter in the US. I wait until the turtle head is pokin out and jump on the seat. Give a slight squeeze while checkin out my up-and-coming six pack. Plop. Comes right out. Clean it up with 1 good wipe, sometimes 2 if there's excess - which is hardly ever the case. Pick up and leave.
This my friends, is a lost art. Something that everyone should learn. That way, when you're in that new phase with a girl, it makes it look like you're just taking a leak wherever you go. Trust me on this one. Now the smell, well, that's your own personal problem. Figure it out.