Damn funny ones

[Kärnfysikern]

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Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to
hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," the devil says. "You're on my list, but
I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of people here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Osama thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil led him into the first room.
In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in
and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No," bin Laden said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I
don't think I could do that all day long." So the devil led him to the
next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledgehammer and a
huge pile of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time
after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I'd be in constant agony if
all I did was break rocks all day," bin Laden commented. So the devil
opened a third door. In it, bin Laden saw Bill Clinton, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was his girl Monica, doing what she
does best. Osama bin Laden stared in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[Kärnfysikern]

http://www2.b3ta.com/funnelortunnel/

[Kärnfysikern]

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me,
"What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6foot asshole?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."

[TheMudMan]

[bornbad71]

Those were funny bro.........

[Kärnfysikern]

Those were funny bro.........

Yeah the one with the cop cracked me upp Didnt expect that at all.

[symatech]

i like the cop one

[TheChosen1]

My girlfriend is pissed off at me for having the words, I Love You, tattooed to my penis.

She said that I'm trying to put words in her mouth.
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What's the difference between a slut, a whore, and a bitch?
A slut will have sex with anyone.
A whore will have sex with anyone for money.
A bitch will have sex with anyone except you, no matter how much money you offered her.
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