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  1. #1
    Nathan's Avatar
    Nathan is offline Retired Moderator
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    Jesus stole my camel

    Let me preface this tirade by saying that I am sick. I have a cold so I could die anytime and may not finish this post (my cold is the unfortunate result of my ODing episode on Sunday for those who did not read about it or who have Altzeimer's disease and have forgotten about it).
    Anyways, so my friend wants to go out last night for a bit. I agree to go smoke a joint and get high - to make myself feel better you understand. Anyways, his friend (who is a cab driver) wants to go to some woman's house who he met the previous day. We go and man alive I have never believed any of the bullshit you see on Jerry Springer until now. We walk in and there's this horrificly unattractive portly woman sitting on her couch drinking Colt 45 out of a jar. Right away I'm like, "Oh fuck." She's drunk off her ass and her teenage daughter is there with her, fucked up on who knows what. The daughter has fresh slash marks all over her wrists (mom just has scars) and when some other young person walks into the room (who I thought was a guy at first), her mom anounces that it's the daughter's lesbin fiance and as soon as it's legal they're getting hitched. Great. Good for her. I'm pretty much shaking I'm so depressed and frightened at this point. Nobody seemed to be rolling a joint so rather rudely, I grabbed the weed and a paper and started rolling myself.
    The ugly mom keeps talking non-stop and asks us if we might have seen her other daughter who has been missing for a while. She then goes on to tell us about her third daughter who was taken away from her by the government and given to a foster family. The foster family then moved to Jerusalem so she's pretty pissed off about that. I'm thinking, "You know what might help? Maybe try not being a negligent parent. That's where I'd start anyways." She's going on about the weed she scores from her daughter's high school and all kinds of gibberish. I sucked back the majority of the joint by myself to hurry things along - fortunately nobody seemed to notice. The strange lady then starts going on about how she knew one of us from years ago and how he used to wear glasses and date some fat chick. Clearly, she was in her world at that point so I made a mad sprint for the car. Dear God. We were invited to go back anytime at all so if anyone wants to go, just let me know.

  2. #2
    TheMudMan's Avatar
    TheMudMan is offline Retired~ AR-Hall of Famer
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    I'd go to see that freak show. They are the best type of people to f**k with. You can say stuff about them to their faces and they have no clue it's about them.

  3. #3
    partyboynyc is offline Anabolic Member
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    i'm always down for some hillbilly hijinks!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathan
    Let me preface this tirade by saying that I am sick. I have a cold so I could die anytime and may not finish this post (my cold is the unfortunate result of my ODing episode on Sunday for those who did not read about it or who have Altzeimer's disease and have forgotten about it).
    Anyways, so my friend wants to go out last night for a bit. I agree to go smoke a joint and get high - to make myself feel better you understand. Anyways, his friend (who is a cab driver) wants to go to some woman's house who he met the previous day. We go and man alive I have never believed any of the bullshit you see on Jerry Springer until now. We walk in and there's this horrificly unattractive portly woman sitting on her couch drinking Colt 45 out of a jar. Right away I'm like, "Oh fuck." She's drunk off her ass and her teenage daughter is there with her, fucked up on who knows what. The daughter has fresh slash marks all over her wrists (mom just has scars) and when some other young person walks into the room (who I thought was a guy at first), her mom anounces that it's the daughter's lesbin fiance and as soon as it's legal they're getting hitched. Great. Good for her. I'm pretty much shaking I'm so depressed and frightened at this point. Nobody seemed to be rolling a joint so rather rudely, I grabbed the weed and a paper and started rolling myself.
    The ugly mom keeps talking non-stop and asks us if we might have seen her other daughter who has been missing for a while. She then goes on to tell us about her third daughter who was taken away from her by the government and given to a foster family. The foster family then moved to Jerusalem so she's pretty pissed off about that. I'm thinking, "You know what might help? Maybe try not being a negligent parent. That's where I'd start anyways." She's going on about the weed she scores from her daughter's high school and all kinds of gibberish. I sucked back the majority of the joint by myself to hurry things along - fortunately nobody seemed to notice. The strange lady then starts going on about how she knew one of us from years ago and how he used to wear glasses and date some fat chick. Clearly, she was in her world at that point so I made a mad sprint for the car. Dear God. We were invited to go back anytime at all so if anyone wants to go, just let me know.
    this is why i'm a big fan of going back to the wildwest times.remember back , if you will, when we were all just little cowboys and girls.......then if you saw someone you didn't like, you met at sundown and shot them and life went on in a much better fashion.
    i for one feel that we must get back to wild west morals in our own lives. next time you see some degenerates like this hillbilly situation just get your six shooter, politely say, "listen you, meet me at sundown in the town square because i'm going to shoot you."
    this approach is what needs to be taken with these hillbilly bastards.i'm all too tired of paying taxes for trash like this!
    i urge all of you to contact your local congress and force a return to traditional wild west values.

    oh and nathan, next time you go over there can i come?

  4. #4
    Pheedno is offline Respected Member
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    Jesus stole my camel

    Nathan stole my moments.

    Thanks for the invite though

  5. #5
    New GearGuy's Avatar
    New GearGuy is offline Associate Member
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    uhh huh please tell em the grass is three feet high and there is a car on blocks in the front yard.


    LMFAO!!!

  6. #6
    Da Bull's Avatar
    Da Bull is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheMudMan
    I'd go to see that freak show. They are the best type of people to f**k with. You can say stuff about them to their faces and they have no clue it's about them.
    Let me know when your goin' Mud,I'll tag along,sounds like fun DB

  7. #7
    rambo's Avatar
    rambo is offline The Lord God
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    when do you expect to get your camel back?

  8. #8
    Nathan's Avatar
    Nathan is offline Retired Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by rambo
    when do you expect to get your camel back?
    I lied about the whole camel thing. I didn't want to but I thought it was the only way people would like me.

  9. #9
    Juggernaut's Avatar
    Juggernaut is offline AR Jester
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    I came here to read about a camel and find out it was all a lie! I'm not reading another of you're threads for at least 10 minutes. False advertising! I still like you but damn it I was really interested in the camel thingy.

  10. #10
    Juggernaut's Avatar
    Juggernaut is offline AR Jester
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    You could have at least had a tie in too a camel toe on one of the girls or something. Still pissed!

  11. #11
    Testify's Avatar
    Testify is offline Senior Member
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    Stole your Camel?!! We should hunt him down and crucify him!!! Oh . . .yeah. I forgot that didn't really work out too well last time. But its sure was a neat trick - wanna do it again? I bet Jerry would love to have us!

    (I know I'm going to Hell now, but at least I'm having fun while I'm still here. )

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