ok ok now you got me started
there is this priest giving confessional when he realizes he has to take a shit. he calls the altar boy in to fill in for him. "are you sure it's ok?", ask the altar boy. "i'll be right back", says the priest.
the next man walks into the confessional. "i cheated on my taxes.i am so sorry.", says the man. "ok that's two our fathers and one hail mary", cites the altar boy.
the next man walks in. "i cheated on my wife and i feel so guilty.", he admits. "ok, thats' four our fathers and 3 hail mary's.", the altar boy say.
finally a women comes into the confessional. " father, i am guilty of having anal sex. what is my penence?. the altar boy thinks for a second all confused. he see another altar boy walk by. "hey, what does the priest give for anal sex?!"
"oh just some milk and cookies."replies the other altar boy
Well, if you insist . . .
A guy buys his girlfriend flowers, and she's so thrilled to get them that she throws off all her clothes, lays on the sofa, spreads her legs and says, "This is for the flowers."
"Shit," the guy replies, "surely you have a vase around here somewhere . . ."