A funny

CYCLEON · 09-06-2001, 12:57 AM

Saw this one and thought i would share it.

A man and his wife are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.

After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice "Well, what the heck are you doing?"

She said "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money....just looking."

**Billy Boy** · 09-06-2001, 01:43 AM

Thats probably a true story!!

Billy

**pureanger** · 09-06-2001, 05:52 AM

Thats fucking funny have you been talkting to my wife

**Big Al** · 09-06-2001, 05:59 AM

TRUE

**partyboynyc** · 09-06-2001, 02:49 PM

there is this priest giving confessional when he realizes he has to take a shit. he calls the altar boy in to fill in for him. "are you sure it's ok?", ask the altar boy. "i'll be right back", says the priest.
the next man walks into the confessional. "i cheated on my taxes.i am so sorry.", says the man. "ok that's two our fathers and one hail mary", cites the altar boy.
the next man walks in. "i cheated on my wife and i feel so guilty.", he admits. "ok, thats' four our fathers and 3 hail mary's.", the altar boy say.
finally a women comes into the confessional. " father, i am guilty of having anal sex. what is my penence?. the altar boy thinks for a second all confused. he see another altar boy walk by. "hey, what does the priest give for anal sex?!"

"oh just some milk and cookies."replies the other altar boy

**cnyce89** · 09-06-2001, 07:04 PM

Thats a good on partyboy! lol....fuckin preisets these day....lol

**EXCESS** · 09-06-2001, 10:39 PM

Good one Cycleon!

**SPEEDY** · 09-21-2001, 12:49 AM

Since someone brought up the topic of priest, I thought I would share an old one.

What is the similarity between a priest and a x-mas tree?
Give up?

That their balls are merely for decorative purposes.

CYCLEON · 10-10-2001, 11:26 AM

where are the new ones?

**primodonna** · 10-10-2001, 11:51 AM

Just for you C...

A guy walks into an ice-cream shop with his wife and his son.
He says, "I'll have a chocolate cone."
The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla cone."
Then he slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want, fat head?"
The lady behind the counter says, "Why'd did you smack him and call him fat head?"
The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants. The first thing is a nice big truck. You see that nice big truck sitting out there? That's mine. The second thing a man wants in life is a nice big house. You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's mine. The third thing a man wants in life is a nice tight *****. And I had that, until fat head came along."

**partyboynyc** · 10-10-2001, 11:56 AM

thats' great.bravo bravo.

**cnyce89** · 10-10-2001, 12:25 PM

oh shit!!! lol.....thats sum funny shit!

**dumbells101** · 10-10-2001, 01:56 PM

During an argument a guy tells his wife, you know when you die our tombstone will read "Here lies a cold heartless woman!"

She says "Well when you die yours will read stiff... finally!"

CYCLEON · 10-10-2001, 02:06 PM

how could a guy ever have a nice tight ***** ? - is this another joke about mike's former boy/girlfriend? - you guys (and gals) gotta lay off that poor fella

**Pete235** · 10-10-2001, 03:31 PM

There's a Panda Bear sitting in a restaurant. The waiter walks over and hands the bear his bill. The bear gets up, pulls out a gun and BANG!! kills the waiter. He starts to walk out of the restaurant and the bartender yells "Where do you think you're going??!! You just killed a man!!" The Panda looks at the bartender and says "Yeah..so? I'm a Panda" The bartender says "What does that have to with anything??!!" The Panda says "Look it up in the dictionary". The bartender picks up a dictionary from behind the bar, flips to "P" runs his finger down the page tp Panda and begins reading " Panda: A large bear like mammal related to the racoon. Indiginous to Asia. Eats shoots and leaves"

Pete

**TNT** · 10-10-2001, 04:12 PM

A guy buys his girlfriend flowers, and she's so thrilled to get them that she throws off all her clothes, lays on the sofa, spreads her legs and says, "This is for the flowers."

"Shit," the guy replies, "surely you have a vase around here somewhere . . ."

**primodonna** · 10-10-2001, 04:31 PM

Good one TNT...but I cannot be outdone

*** Each time the man visits this bar he has a little white box with him. The lady bartender is finally overcome with interest, and ask: "What's in the box?"

To which he replies "The most amazing frog ever. He loves to go down on women and he is really great."

She suggest she found out how how good the frog is.

In the back room she takes off all her clothes, and spreads her legs apart as the man takes the frog out of the box and places him between her legs.

After several minutes nothing is happening. The man reaches down and picks the frog up, and shaking him says: "Now listen, I am going to show you one more time!"

**primodonna** · 10-10-2001, 04:34 PM

A lady was married to this brute of a man who always beat and kicked her. On top of all that, when they did have sex, it was no good. So, she decided she was tired of him and got a divorce. A couple days after the divorce finalized she placed an ad in the paper that read: "WANTED. Husband that won't beat me or kick me. "Good sex a must."

A week or so passed and she finally gets a knock at the door. She goes to answer it only to find a man sitting in a wheel chair. She asks what he wants and he informs her that he will be her new husband.

"Well, you don't have any arms." she notices. "I can't beat you then, can I?" he replies.

"And you don't have any legs!" "SO! That only means I can't kick you."

She pauses for a moment and then asks, "Well what about the sex?" He answers confidently,

"How do you think I knocked on the door."

**Nathan** · 10-10-2001, 07:32 PM

Originally posted by CYCLEON
Saw this one and thought i would share it.

A man and his wife are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.

After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice "Well, what the heck are you doing?"

She said "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money....just looking."

That's not funny. You suck. Booooooooo....Boooooooooo.....Hiiiisssssss.

**Pete235** · 10-11-2001, 05:36 AM

A man walks into a bar with a duffle bag, sits down and says to the bartender "If I show you the most amazing thing you have ever seen, can I drink for free?" The bartender says "Of course."
The man opens the bag, pulls out a miniture grand piano and sits it on top of the bar. He says "Now watch this". From out of the bag climbs a tiny man about 1 foot tall in a tuxedo with tails. He sits down and starts playing Beethovens 5th. The bartender says "That is absoultely amazing!! You can drink for free" After a while he says "I have to ask you...where did you find him?" The man says "Well, I was walking on the beach and I came across this old lamp. I picked it up, polished it off and out pops this extremely old genie. He' tells me he's going blind, he's hard of hearing, he has arthritis and because he's so old he can only grant me one wish. There's your answer". The bartender says "Well, do you mind if I give it a try?" The man says "Go ahead". The bartender takes the lamp and goes into the back room and closes the door. A couple minutes later the door to the back room flies open and hundreds of thousands of white ducks fly through the bar and out the front door. After all the ducks are gone the bartender stumbles out, full of feathers looking rather ruffled. The patron says "What in the hell did you wish for??!!" The bartender says "A million bucks" The patron says "Look, I told you he was hard of hearing...do you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist??!!"

**justalilguy** · 10-13-2001, 12:54 AM

what does aman with a 12 inch penis have for breakfast?

Well today i had some oj , some egg whites, and a couple pieces of toast

**primodonna** · 10-13-2001, 03:38 PM

Is that right...maybe you should change your name then

CYCLEON · 10-13-2001, 03:49 PM

justalilguy - what has your breakfast got to do with some guy who has a 12 inch penis???

**primodonna** · 10-13-2001, 03:55 PM

LG- don't worry about him...he's just mad that HE didn't get to reply with

"well I had..."

CYCLEON · 10-13-2001, 04:06 PM

Primo, ur right - but i couldnt repond in that manner since I dont have a 12 inch penis - well, except when its relaxed

**primodonna** · 10-13-2001, 04:12 PM

Try using your spell checker next time..."biceps" is spelled

B I C E P S

**SHOT** · 10-13-2001, 04:27 PM

Well if you want to know what a man with a 12 inch penis ROUND had......

well i kept it simple and had a protein shake

CYCLEON · 10-13-2001, 04:49 PM

SHOT, is that radius, diameter or circumference?

**SHOT** · 10-13-2001, 05:10 PM

thats both.....limp

**primodonna** · 10-13-2001, 05:19 PM

I'll be over in a few minutes

and no, you can't come with me, CYC

CYCLEON · 10-13-2001, 06:04 PM

my dear, to come with u presupposes that i decide to "go" with you in the first place - but in any case, if i did, I would make sure that you came first and often

**SHOT** · 10-13-2001, 06:15 PM

hahaha.....awww bro you betting get to her before me then lol....i would hate to have to pull you out of her lol...i just did arms today and they are to sore lol

**primodonna** · 10-13-2001, 07:16 PM

Originally posted by CYCLEON
my dear, to come with u presupposes that i decide to "go" with you in the first place - but in any case, if i did, I would make sure that you came first and often

There would be no "ifs" and i appreciate the unselfishness (word of the day)

**Pete235** · 10-15-2001, 06:25 AM

Hey...didn't you guys read the joke?? I said 12" pianist...not penis. But since the topic is now open I would have told LG what I had for breakfast if he had said "What does a man with a penis that is 12" from the ground have for breakfast?"