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  1. #1
    chicamahomico's Avatar
    chicamahomico is offline Respected Member
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    Multiculturalism 101

    I recieved this in my email today......thought I'd share with the good people of AR. It's a joke and not meant to offend any thin skinned people out there.

    I AM CANADIAN
    (the canadian one is actually a commercial and is all true!)

    Hey...
    I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...
    and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
    and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
    although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

    I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
    I speak English & French, NOT American.
    and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.

    I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
    I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
    DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
    AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.

    A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
    AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
    CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
    THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

    MY NAME IS JOE!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!


    I AM ITALIAN

    Ciao...
    I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
    I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
    And I don't drive a Camaro.
    And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
    Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.

    I drink wine...not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza.
    I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
    And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.

    I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the worldcup.
    Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
    Antonio Columbro IS the best of the tenors,
    And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!

    Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
    The FIRST nation of soccer, And the BEST part of Europe!!
    My name is Guiseppe !!!
    AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    I AM PAKISTANI

    Allo,
    I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
    I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
    And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
    Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.

    I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
    I believe in discounts, not full price.
    And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
    I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist
    siege.

    A turban IS an article of clothing.
    Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
    Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
    and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!

    Pakistan IS a third world country,
    The first nation of Cricket
    And the BEST part of the middle east!!
    My name is Raheem!
    AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!


    I AM CHINESE!
    Wai...
    I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
    I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a
    souped-up
    Civic.
    And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
    Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.

    I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
    I believe in giving cash, not gifts
    And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
    I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,

    Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
    Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
    And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa

    China is the LARGEST country in Asia
    The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
    And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
    My name is FUNG!!!
    AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    and finally........



    I AM AMERICAN

    Wassup...
    I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
    And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very
    well.
    I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
    although I'm pretty sure they were American.

    I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated,
    Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
    Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
    And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.

    I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go
    somewhere.
    Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
    Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
    I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL!

    The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
    The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
    And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
    MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
    AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    BDTR's Avatar
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    ...and im proud of it!!!

  3. #3
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    I've read that all before, but it still cracks me up!

  4. #4
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    funny stuff - and the truly amazing thing is... that billy bob and babs have made the US to be a country with the worlds largest economy (producing 20-25% of it), the worlds most powerful military, the worlds longest lasting democracy and greatest exporter of it, having defeated the soviet empire, the nazis, germans and the japanese - all while being "not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked" -

    wonder what would have happened if I thought I was smart, pretended to be open minded while secretly being a cultural elitist and busy pandering to everyone? Why thats easy, I AM FRENCH!

  5. #5
    tryingtogetbig's Avatar
    tryingtogetbig is offline Whiney Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CYCLEON
    funny stuff - and the truly amazing thing is... that billy bob and babs have made the US to be a country with the worlds largest economy (producing 20-25% of it), the worlds most powerful military, the worlds longest lasting democracy and greatest exporter of it, having defeated the soviet empire, the nazis, germans and the japanese - all while being "not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked" -

    wonder what would have happened if I thought I was smart, pretended to be open minded while secretly being a cultural elitist and busy pandering to everyone? Why thats easy, I AM FRENCH!
    No cycleon....remember....WE are the arrogant ones!?

  6. #6
    chicamahomico's Avatar
    chicamahomico is offline Respected Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CYCLEON
    funny stuff - and the truly amazing thing is... that billy bob and babs have made the US to be a country with the worlds largest economy (producing 20-25% of it), the worlds most powerful military, the worlds longest lasting democracy and greatest exporter of it, having defeated the soviet empire, the nazis, germans and the japanese - all while being "not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked" -

    wonder what would have happened if I thought I was smart, pretended to be open minded while secretly being a cultural elitist and busy pandering to everyone? Why thats easy, I AM FRENCH!
    I've used this little icon many-a-time but when I read this I actually laughed out loud!

  7. #7
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by tryingtogetbig
    No cycleon....remember....WE are the arrogant ones!?
    darn it, I keep forgetting that - but fortunately I have the New York Times and the Washington Post to remind me frequently

  8. #8
    D3m3nt3d's Avatar
    D3m3nt3d is offline AR's Whore D'Oeuvre
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    I must say...I have beat many a Chinese ass in Ping-Pong, that was my college major my first 3 yrs

  9. #9
    damiongage's Avatar
    damiongage is offline Anabolic Member
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    America sucks...but it sucks the least and I wouldn't trade
    it for the world!!!

  10. #10
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    Hey hey!!!

    You forgot the one for the Pequist french Canadians!!! (Pequists = Separatists for those not in the know)


    I am NOT Canadian!

    I'm not unemployed, or smuggling cigarettes across the border
    I don't eat Pepsi and Mae West for breakfast
    I don't watch the hockey game while doing it doggy style.

    And no, I don't know Claude, Manon or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue,
    but I'm sure they have nice teeth

    I smoke in church
    I speak Québecois and Jouale, not French or English
    I pronounce it 'turd' not 'third'
    And eating french fries with cheese makes sense, mon osti!

    I believe in distinct society as long as someone else pays for it
    I believe in language police not equal rights
    And calice, I believe that Club Super-Sexe is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire, what the hell, she goes on at ten anyway!

    In Quebec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than Halley's Comet
    I can get beer at the Dépanneur, not the convenience store!
    And maybe I can't turn right on a red light, but tabarnack! I can go right through it!

    Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup,
    the home of Celine Dion AND Roch Voisine
    The land where everybody is shacking up
    And the drinking age is just a suggestion!

    Je m'appelle Jean-Guy
    And I am NOT Canadian! (Mautadit tabarnacK osti...)

    Red
    the french-CANADIAN

  11. #11
    LORDBLiTZ Guest
    LMAO @ Washing after peeing is for LOSERS!!

    LMAO @ the french canadian!!

  12. #12
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    Nice one Red!!

  13. #13
    Budlite74's Avatar
    Budlite74 is offline Banned
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    lol.

  14. #14
    Press's Avatar
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    Hey, I have another:

    I AM MEXICAN

    I am white, not dark skined, I'm tall not short.
    I'm not a waiter, nor land worker, neither clean your house. I'm an executive for a leading company.

    I don't know Jose, Juan or Jesus from East L.A., although I'm certain they must be pochos.

    I drink any other thing than just Tequila, I don't eat tacos, tortillas and beans.

    I pronounce "Good" not "Good-o ese".
    I can proudly wave my country's flag, doing the wave after loosing a Soccer game.

    A sombrero is a hat, and siesta is just a nap.

    Mexico is your southern neighboor, just in case you didn't know.
    And we have many funny things, but what you most like are our roids.

    My name is Luis and I am Mexican.
    ¡VIVA MEXICO CABRONES!

  15. #15
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    Good one Press!



    Red

  16. #16
    Animal Cracker's Avatar
    Animal Cracker is offline Anabolic Member
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    I'll sum it up in two words- PENIS ENVY

  17. #17
    slamd097's Avatar
    slamd097 is offline Banned
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    well....looks like me and sis are gonna have to let ya sort it out.

    I've got ta go and get the double wide all jimmied up ta move away from da gaters...damn thing ate little bubba.

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