Thread: Having probs with my kid.
11-27-2003, 02:33 AM #1
Having probs with my kid.
Hey people im sitting here wondering if i should keep on typing because i dont personally know you lot but i still feel a bond so im takeing a chance so here goes.
About 12 months ago i started a thread(which i still cant find) about treasureing your children. My second youngest shaun was 3 and he got knocked 8 metres by a car just around the corner from us, this was after we tried to lobby his kindergarten and doctor for help about his hyperactiviaty to no avail.He later got diagnosed with ADHD and ODD(oppositional disorder) i guess what im trying to say is i dont have a real bond with him now i mean once every few weeks he says he loves me and all but thats only after his does of ritalin, fick i dont know maybe im being too emotional but it saddens me to say i love tyou shaun and all he does is grunt i know dont uve been drinking forget it dont worry soory scya
11-27-2003, 02:55 AM #2
Never give up on him Hit, no matter how difficult it gets. You look into his eyes every day and tell him how much you love him. Let him grunt, right now thats his way of telling you he loves you too, so suck it up and be the father he needs. He hears you and eventually he'll listen to you too. He is your kid. Your responsibility. Everyone of us has been in your situation. Either end of the spectrum. As the kid or as the dad. You know where he is right now, where his head is. Let him know that. The only thing that can ruin a father and sons relationship is you. Don't let this happen. I have two kids of my own. I know I'm not winning any "father of the year" awards but I know that my kids know I love them with all my heart. I know thats how you feel about your son too. Don't **** that up. Life is way too god **** short to mess up something as important as this. No offense to your doctor, but **** that ADHD\ODD\ADD bull****. Deal with the real issues, don't just throw meds at it. You can do this. My prayers are with you bro. Keep us updated if you feel like it. If you need to talk to anyone about this **** or anything else, you know the bros and sheilas here have your back.
11-27-2003, 03:14 AM #3
Thanks jas your words really hit home, i dont talk to my wife about his stuff because she has the kids(all 3 of them) during the day and i reckon its a lot worse for her. So i bottle it up, my mum left dad when i was 14 and he moved in with his fiance but keep the family home which i stayed in alone apart from thursdays when he brought food in so i never really had a "family unit as such", i just want ALL my kids to love me not just when they're on meds. Its really hard , i try doing things with shaun ya know just 1 on 1 but because of his probs he loses interest and i get frustrated since i was also diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, i sometimes lose my temper(not around him) out of share frustration.Thanks for listening people, i dont like sharing my thoughts so thanks.
11-27-2003, 04:26 AM #4
I agree with JasonNew-b, you can do this man. It's going to be thankless and frustrating, but someday when he's older, he's going to turn to you and say "All those years you never turned your back on me. You stuck by me when everyone else just gave up. I want to thank you Dad, I wish there was some way I could repay you."
I used to work with young offenders and alot of them had ADHD, ADD.....the whole alphabet, and it was hard work, but one of the things they often said about me was that I didn't give up on them. I'd get angry and I'd get frustrated, but I was still a steady influence on them.
It may not seem like it now, but he knows what you're doing for him. He may not be able to express it or sometimes it just doesn't dawn on kids, my kids think I'm a machine that never needs to hear I'm appreciated. When I let them know I'd like to be told they appreciate what I do once in a while, they seem shocked. My situation isn't nearly like yours, but I too know that one day my kids will say, "Through all the bull**** or divorce and just regular life, my Dad never turned his back on us. He put himself through hell for us and didn't make a big deal of it."
Writing all this is making me sad, my ex wife is using my kids (14 and 9) as pawns in our divorce. I haven't been able to see them in over a month! But like I said, one day they will realize what's going on and what I tried to do for them.
Stay true and focused Hitman, you can do this.
11-27-2003, 05:03 AM #5
Thanks Assault i didnt want to bring ya down its just frustrating but you guys seem to be on the same wave length which is cool. I dont think its right keeping the kids middle of a power struggle in a divorce but it does happen. I hope it all gets sorted peacefully in your seperation, its never easy, its kind of like a death in a away because a piece of you does die. Good luck with it mate and thanks.............hitman
11-27-2003, 10:18 AM #6
Hey bro hang in there...
Got a 10yo boy myself who is quite a handfull... he's a bit hyper and has serious authority issues with women for some reason... drives his mom and teachers insane.
You can't give up... you got to repeat the same message over and over and over... 'till you're blue in the face, and more... and don't be afraid to put your foot down when it's needed.
Also keep him busy busy busy! Kids of the "nintendo generation" nowadays have tons of energy to burn. I keep my little angel busy to burn off that endless energy. Soccer, hockey, cub scouts, school chorus, you name it.
Oh and don't worry too much about displays of affection from your kids I can tell you at 10 the "i love you's" from my boy are far from common... hey he's too cool for dad but they are still there, you just have to look for them.
Hang in there bro, you can't give up or even give the appearance of giving up... you're the strong one, and your kid will feed off your strenght... he needs it.
11-27-2003, 06:21 PM #7
Hey Hit -- I feel your pain Luv. I have a 15 year old daughter that has been in and out of Jail, ran away, stole from me and tried to kill herself. She's been diagnosed OD as well. When she loves me, she loves me .... otherwise she hates my guts. It was so bad for so long I had to get counseling. She's come a long way since this summer....you just have to hang in there. Time, patience and love.
11-27-2003, 06:33 PM #8Retired Vet
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
**** it guys. Being a father of two wonder kids myself this tread reminds how lucky I am. Hitman I vaguely remember the thread, I sincerely hope everything works out for you mate. If you ever need to chat him me with a PM or email.
Thoughts go out to you and your child.
11-27-2003, 09:36 PM #9
Thanks people its kind of a weight lifted ince i typed this last night, i dont like to bring it up with the wife because she has her own problems with shaun and my other 2 during the day when i work. Some days i come home and see shaun playing on the computer and look at his face and know instantly its no use trying to strike up a conversation. Ok i have to go for now but hopefully i can find an old thread about the accident, later.........Hitman
11-28-2003, 01:48 AM #10Originally Posted by Hitman
First off, remember who's the adult in this situation and who'e the child. Kids in general are selfish little monsters who demand (and need) lots of attention. To top it off, they don't appreciate the sacrifices parents make for them. But that's just the way children are. It takes time for them to experience the ups and downs in their other relationships and to see and mull over the problems other adults have with their kids before they're really able to look at what you've done for them and appreciate it. To tell ya the truth, I wouldn't expect anything like a sincere "I love you" or even a "thank you" from a child because they aren't capable of truly understanding what those phrases involve. You can train them to say the phrases like a little parrot, but again, it won't be particularly meaningful because they can't say it meaningfully because they're just too young, and don't understand . . .
So . . . if you start thinking that your kid should tell you that he loves you, You may be setting yourself up for a big big disappointment when a sincere "I love you" isn't forthcoming. If you start thinking that your kid "owes" you thanks and "owes" you love, oy vey, it is defintely time to haul your butt to a counselor and get him to help you get rid of that delusion, because if you don't, both you and your son (and probably your wife, too) will suffer greatly for it. Oh yah. When kids are small, they don't owe parents a **** thing . . . instead, parents owe them everything. Some parents get resentful 'cause they're always giving, giving, giving, the kids are taking, taking, taking like little leeches and always needing more, more more. If this is you, as I said, find a counselor, and work through this resentment and anger, or else it's gonna get the better of ya, and probably do the kid all sorts of harm.
You heard it here first . . .
11-28-2003, 08:03 AM #11
hey, hit, just remember he will get older and then you'll see that he will start noticing the love you giving him, he's young and a little confused with wats going on, keep it together thats the best thing i rekon'
11-28-2003, 08:51 PM #12
I hear what ya saying Tock and some of it does relate to me so i'll pick and choose the good parts. It only really hits me when i get home from work its like my 5 year old runs up to me and yells out that dads home and gives me a huge hug and my 18month old girl gets all hypo when she hears my voice then i spin round and see shaun and hes kinda like "oh hey how are ya" kind of thing which sometimes is funny when you think about it.I guess i should be more understanding because i had ADHD when i was 5 up untill about 18 then I settled down so i can understand why now i have a great bond with my dad so in saying that a big thank you goes out to every one. On a side not hows it going 123A? did you get that last IM and yes we lost the cup to the poms but at least the aussies didnt win it either.......Hitman
Last edited by Hitman; 11-28-2003 at 08:57 PM.
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