Never Took A Dump Like That!

**Animal Cracker** · 12-16-2003, 01:56 PM

I felt horrible from about 1pm until 20 munites ago... a nausea like never before! I thought about what I had eaten today.." a.m. Homemade B'fast burrito..about 1030, the normal shake, 1pm..I had 2 chicken breasts, some pasta w/spinach..then about 6 a sirloin steak, brn rice. Nothing strange...not a training day, I have been relaxing for awhile recovering from my shoulder injury...then BAM..I get a cramp like in my abdomen that is so tense it is is difficult to breathe and speak! I ran to the bathroom, incase I had to vomit, collapse..whatever! The I felt the pressure..as soon as I pushed my britches down, and was at the "90" it sounded as if a howtizer was sendind shells down range! Almost an explosive sound, with enough force to make me scream, due to the rate and force of exit. I could not believe what and how much "merda" I was carrying around! I had to flush the toilet 4...4 times to get it all down the pipe! Here in Italy, we have those "low flush" toilets, to consume less water...but that was not an issue in this endeavor...it was just so much crap, that the water could not seap around i!! It was packed up so high, the inlet had to use the venturi effect and basically break up this mass of brown-ness just to get it to congregate at the bottom of the bowl! It was minimum..8-10 lbs of turds!! MINUMUM!!!!
Then I kind of stood up suddenly..this shiit-fest all took place in just over 7 seconds...quick..I gathered my senses, as I could not believe what had happend! Nauseated to the point of thinking I had some exotic African disease, then having a 10lb tar baby come out in a solid form in less time than it takes to lstart my car...when I stood up the stench hit me like a Roy Jones jr.!! A smell that I could only describe as inhuman...battlefield like...sulphur, methane..burned flesh..and death! I hurriedly cleaned up the o-ring, giving it is normal run with Charmin..but it as dry as a bone...no "after birth" of the frenchman I just sent home...nothing! I then staggered out, sat down..and after having a diet Mtn Dew..I have never felt this good before in my entire life..clean, liberated...light..relaxed..I even breathe more clearly now!! Has this ever happened to anyone else? Since it around 9pm..I wll shower then hit the rack...I feel as if I could sleep so soundly!

**chicamahomico** · 12-16-2003, 02:43 PM

Bama, that just made my day......and brought back many a fond memory.

**Da Bull** · 12-16-2003, 03:24 PM

that story was way to funny Bama......

**Animal Cracker** · 12-16-2003, 03:25 PM

True story! I could not believe the difference in how I felt going in/coming out.

**Da Bull** · 12-16-2003, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by BamaSlamma

True story! I could not believe the difference in how I felt going in/coming out.

I believe you..but was still funny as hell.........honestly,spinach does that to me at times bro,cramp up bad and my stories are similar.....lol..........DB

**D3m3nt3d** · 12-16-2003, 03:38 PM

I go thru times where I have that feeling every night for about 3 weeks, I **** you not...around 8 p.m. every night for 3 weeks

**Mr. Death** · 12-16-2003, 03:39 PM

Don't you know that no matter what is wrong with you, if you take a big dump you will feel better. Whenever someone tells me that they feel bad, I always tell them the same thing, "You need to go take a dump". And guess what, it always works.

**Animal Cracker** · 12-16-2003, 03:57 PM

I am convinced.a gut full of turd is root of all physical ailments..and a hurricane force bowel movement is the cure!

**956Vette** · 12-16-2003, 04:03 PM

LMAO @ "10lb tar baby"

**bigol'legs** · 12-16-2003, 05:11 PM

LOL

'
a SH!T story!!! I LOVE IT!

LORDBLiTZ · 12-16-2003, 06:32 PM

Sounds like a normal dump for me.

**bornbad71** · 12-16-2003, 07:28 PM

Thanks Bama.......I needed a good laugh today.

**bermich** · 12-16-2003, 09:26 PM

That sounds like the same exact thing that happened to me when some C U N T ass f u c k ing whore of a waitress put visine in my root beer. 10 minutes after my meal I **** 5 pounds of sewage out of my ass.
Just came from nowhere.

Maybe someone slipped it in your food.

**Animal Cracker** · 12-18-2003, 02:32 AM

Once I had someone put hyd. fluid in my coffee...that keeps you crappin for days!

**Animal Cracker** · 12-18-2003, 02:41 AM

But I can still think about he aforementioned dump..and get relaxed!

**RabidLassie** · 12-18-2003, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by BamaSlamma

But I can still think about he aforementioned dump..and get relaxed!

you want to see some dumps? come over to my apartment sometime. i've taken ****s so big i had to break them up with the plunger before i could flush. i've also taken ****s so hard that they came out covered in blood!

lassie

**Bigboy123** · 12-18-2003, 10:57 AM

Good **** bama, haha.... "good ****"

**groverman1** · 12-23-2003, 01:33 AM

Dumping rules. We used to have ****ting contests in the military. My winner was named King Coil.

**RabidLassie** · 12-24-2003, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by groverman1

Dumping rules. We used to have ****ting contests in the military. My winner was named King Coil.

when i played football we'd make a victory stew in the visiting team's locker room. we'd get about 8-10 guys and have them all go **** in a row in the same toilet without flushing. there's no way they could flush it with **** all the way up to the brim.

lassie