Never Took A Dump Like That!
I felt horrible from about 1pm until 20 munites ago... a nausea like never before! I thought about what I had eaten today.." a.m. Homemade B'fast burrito..about 1030, the normal shake, 1pm..I had 2 chicken breasts, some pasta w/spinach..then about 6 a sirloin steak, brn rice. Nothing strange...not a training day, I have been relaxing for awhile recovering from my shoulder injury...then BAM..I get a cramp like in my abdomen that is so tense it is is difficult to breathe and speak! I ran to the bathroom, incase I had to vomit, collapse..whatever! The I felt the pressure..as soon as I pushed my britches down, and was at the "90" it sounded as if a howtizer was sendind shells down range! Almost an explosive sound, with enough force to make me scream, due to the rate and force of exit. I could not believe what and how much "merda" I was carrying around! I had to flush the toilet 4...4 times to get it all down the pipe! Here in Italy, we have those "low flush" toilets, to consume less water...but that was not an issue in this endeavor...it was just so much crap, that the water could not seap around i!! It was packed up so high, the inlet had to use the venturi effect and basically break up this mass of brown-ness just to get it to congregate at the bottom of the bowl! It was minimum..8-10 lbs of turds!! MINUMUM!!!!
Then I kind of stood up suddenly..this shiit-fest all took place in just over 7 seconds...quick..I gathered my senses, as I could not believe what had happend! Nauseated to the point of thinking I had some exotic African disease, then having a 10lb tar baby come out in a solid form in less time than it takes to lstart my car...when I stood up the stench hit me like a Roy Jones jr.!! A smell that I could only describe as inhuman...battlefield like...sulphur, methane..burned flesh..and death! I hurriedly cleaned up the o-ring, giving it is normal run with Charmin..but it as dry as a bone...no "after birth" of the frenchman I just sent home...nothing! I then staggered out, sat down..and after having a diet Mtn Dew..I have never felt this good before in my entire life..clean, liberated...light..relaxed..I even breathe more clearly now!! Has this ever happened to anyone else? Since it around 9pm..I wll shower then hit the rack...I feel as if I could sleep so soundly!
