Thread: <<<I need help, G/F advice>>>
01-03-2004, 05:13 PM #1
<<<I need help, G/F advice>>>
I'll give it to you simple guys, this girl i've been dating, I've known her for quite a long time... We have been on and off for a few years now. She has been my highschool sweetheart, and i love her... I would do anything for her... What drives me absolutely mad is this: I get ticked off when she "hangs" with these other dudes, Now some of these people i have never met, but she says there is no chance at all that anything would ever happen between any of them, and who am i coming home to (me)... I asked to meet these people and frankly because of my temper i havn't had the chance yet... (i'm childish still and would be down for a fight, and that wouldn't fly in her eyes)... Now as far as i'm concerned i wasn't born yesterday, and all the girls i know of that hang with guys all the time are getting down with those guys also.... Please lend me some advice, what would you suspect is happening here...
I've been told by my friends that she is defintley getting down with them and i am a sucker for sticking with her... This didn't just start happening, A few of us used to hang out thru highschool, and party quite a bit; the other people are just bozos... I grew up and could tell these people were not my true friends so i cut them off... I also could tell if given the chance they would def. **** my girl behind my back... I want to say i trust her, but i'm second guessing myself lately, and i don't trust these guys... I only ask this cause we got in a big argument tonight and i need some advice so i have a leg to stand on here...
What would you guys do if you were in my size 12's
((also any females can chime in, that would be even better))
thanks folks...be back soon
01-03-2004, 05:19 PM #2
That is a rough situation. I mean you are in love with this girl and you want to trust her with everything you have. I've been in that situation way too many times before and I had no ideal what to do. I just let it ride out, but in the long run that wasn't the best thing for me. You need to get an understanding. If she is not letting you meet these friends, then that is a red flag right there, and if they would FUC* her behind your back, that is also a red flag. You really need to have a heart to heart with her and have a line drawn somewhere, or it don't look good, IMO
01-03-2004, 05:20 PM #3
yeah man girls arnt as they appear on tv.. but you might be over reacting.. meet the guys shes hanging out and dont be quick to judge and please dont be violent unless thier disrespectful.. if you see something you dont like talk to her about it be like "babe im not feeling that because.." dont say i dont like them dont hang out with them cause its going to push her away.. give her a reason why you wouldnt want her to hang out them if there is one.. but dont be an asshole about it be chill thought the whole thing.. if you can find anything bad about it the first time hang out again with them until you can find something or your okay with them hanging out with your girlfriend.. but dont be an messed up with them just chill and let **** flow.. if she isnt cheating she isnt if she is theres jack **** you can do to change it..
01-03-2004, 05:21 PM #4
Give her some competition. While she is out with the guys, go out and get yourself some pussy! Or at least bring a few girls home and give em the snub. Itll drive the girls nuts, and allow your girl to find out. (make sure the girls you see are skinnier and as good or better looking-this is crucial). Basically, once she knows other girls want you, she will then want you more.... Dont let her have the upper hand bro!!!
01-03-2004, 05:24 PM #5
**** bro...that has to be hard...tell her how you feel about the whole situation..but in a good way. Or you could do like ElliotNess said and let the **** flow...but if things get bad and you have suspiciouns then you could always hire a PI. Good luck bro,
01-03-2004, 05:24 PM #6
Tough situation bro. Has she ever cheated on you before? Cuz once a cheater always a cheater. I wouldnt be havin this goin on at all. If she doesnt want you to meet them then I would pay them a little private visit with a couple of your buddies. On the other hand she could be telling the truth but I would still try and see whats going on for yourself. Id spy on them or something
01-03-2004, 05:27 PM #7
Quit wondering about it and find out whats going on....why would you want to be in a relationship where you have to ask yourself these same questions everyday.... If its making you and your girl fight...thats proof right there that something isnt right....if shes taking their side over yours then thats truely ****ed up......I dont know any woman that would choose her guy friends over her man without doing **** with them on the side.....
01-03-2004, 05:29 PM #8
well said mj well said.. hoss asked me if you can take him to neverland?
01-03-2004, 05:32 PM #9
The main reason why she doesn't ask me to hang out is cause all these puny pale wiggers do is smoke weed and get ****ed up (lol, real class there)... And partially the reason why i'm furious is cause she really isn't like that, but she comes off nieve to me and would want to be cool in their eyes...I ask her all the time for me to hang out (all of us together), but for some odd reason when they go out or she calls them i'm always doing something else... Elliot i may be over reacting quite a bit... I never cheated on her and i am very open with her (I let her know what goes on, say during a breakup if anything) I just lately have a gut feeling that something is up, and 90% of the time my gut is right... Its not driving me all that crazy if there was a girl i'd ask to marry it would be her, but not if i am right about my feeling...
Oh well, i'm going to play it out
01-03-2004, 05:36 PM #10Originally Posted by mass junkie
01-03-2004, 05:38 PM #11
does she burn with them? man that **** doesnt sound good bro.. people act more stupid while they're high so god forbid any of them gets a stupid idea.. you should really really seriously find out, if she says no tell her you dont want to talk to her and see what she says if she takes thier side.... sorry to say bro, but something's up.. but don't be pissed at the guys it takes two to tango.. just have a serious talk with her and explain to her that you feel like your being put in 2nd place and that you feel like she taking thier side.. and explore your options.. and as painful as it might be breaking up is better then going to sleep everynight going i wonder if shes screwing around... dont do anything stupid like hit her.. hiting girls is never cool.. but shakeing them thats a diffrent story jk
01-03-2004, 05:38 PM #12
As far as i know, she said she has "never cheated on me" I'm not close enough to her girl friends for them say anything to me...
01-03-2004, 05:42 PM #13Originally Posted by ElliotNess
01-03-2004, 06:19 PM #14
monster breich just got a make over holla
01-03-2004, 06:28 PM #15
yeah thats one reason i left my gf was because she was constantly hangin with dudes. i dont believe in friends of the opposite sex really. there are a few but its rare. if a guy is hanging out with a chick he likes her. he wouldnt hang out with her if he didnt. now personally the only friends i have that are girls are all girls that i have slept with in the past. i dont like the sound of this monster...
01-03-2004, 06:35 PM #16
I have identical thoughts bro... I remember Chris Rock put it simple, "Guys don't have friends that are girls, Guys are friends with girls who they havn't ****ed yet."
01-03-2004, 06:43 PM #17
thats a good way to put it. man i hate women. thats why im gonna screw em all. nothing like a good hatefuc k
01-03-2004, 06:54 PM #18
If you are in a relationship and one person is uncomfortable with the other's behavior, there has to be some compromise. I would never choose party buddies over my man, esp if I felt that there was a future with him. I had to make that choice a few times when I was married and I always chose my relationship over the friends. (OF course I ended up without both but that was my choice) In the long run.....the friends will probably end up going away after a while, party buddies are a dime a dozen....a good relationship is precious.
Sit down and talk to her and make sure she understands how you feel. You might need to try and keep your impulses under control and go out with her sometime to see how it goes. If you still aren't comfortable with it....tell her she has a choice. Just be prepared to not get the answer you want. If you don't deal with it now.....it really won't ever get better. You have to trust her.....but she needs to get her priorities in order.
Just my two cents.
01-03-2004, 07:24 PM #19
~ I have been in the situation before when my ex did not belive that i was just hanging out with my guy friends.......All my friends are guys except like 2 friends that are girls. I dont get along with chicks at all, they are gaddy and sneaky adn i cant stand that, i have been friends with this guys since birth practically, they are my brothers to me so i would never do anything with them but thex just couldnt see that, but i mean i could see if she was friends with these kids for a long ass time, but if she just started hanging out with them out of the blue then i would be worried. she has a girlfriends that she can hang out with there is no reason that she has to hang out with these losers..and if all they are doing is getting screwed up then it is likely that they will get her into it as well, users hang out with user that is just the way it is ( well around here at least) Just dont put all your eggs in one basket, but dont stoop down to her level either, be the bigger person and show her that you can walk away, dont let her know that it bothers you then she will do it more, girls love the attention and love it when a guys get jealous it makes them feel wanted~
01-03-2004, 07:31 PM #20Originally Posted by SpunHoney
There were men however that had one thing in mind when they tried to work their way into my life.....and that was getting lucky. Once I figured that out...they were gone too.
I just think that respect and trust have to go both ways.
01-03-2004, 08:16 PM #21
Wow, what a touchy subject. Quite honestly I would normally take your side over hers only because like spun said, most of my friends are guys too. Most girls are very knieving (sp?? - I even tried to look it up & couldn't find the **** word ), and I know how they work. Especially if it's all about attention. Do you think she is smoking with these guys??? I just can't understand if she isn't partying with them but is hanging out with them...that just isn't right...there is nothing fun in this world being the designated driver/ or whatever. But to hang out on a regular basis seems quite strange if everyone is not all on the same page.. Let alone not wanting her boyfriend around. To me a relationship is all about have similar interests and enjoying one anothers company... and if she prefers to be with them without you.......HELLO!
I say take a dive... But that is JMO
You could always join in and light one up, just to see what all the hoopla is about.....Ya know they sometimes say...if you can't beat em, join em...
But....I don't see you that way..and I don't blame you..
And in the end NO ONE can tell you how you feel, because this is the person you love... I've always followed my heart, not what is supposed to be right...Maybe that is why I always seem to get in trouble.
01-03-2004, 08:17 PM #22
Dude.. I know you love her...
Let me put it this way...
If a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with a man... (She isn't being raped) and you have a gun.. Do you ???
A) Shoot her
B) Shoot him
C) Shoot them both
D) Tell the guy thanks for helping you find out that she isn't worth trustin.. and pack your **** and hit that ATM hard....
Do you get my point????The answer to your every question
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01-03-2004, 09:31 PM #23
what about e) c&d
01-03-2004, 09:42 PM #24
Let me tell u one thing...no matter if u love someone, if u are second guessing her and her commitment to u...leave. Point blank...I have been thru this for 2 yrs with an ex...and guess what...HE WAS CHEATING!!!!! So if u question ur trust with her...leave now...because at least to me, if the trust is broken there is no way to gain it back...well at least with me. LOYALTY IS MY MAIN ISSUE...
01-03-2004, 09:46 PM #25Originally Posted by Kittychick
01-03-2004, 09:48 PM #26Originally Posted by 956Vette
01-03-2004, 09:49 PM #27Originally Posted by 956Vette
Two wrongs don't make a right.
01-03-2004, 09:52 PM #28Originally Posted by chrisAdams
Well I know this...what happens if she catches him following her (and she isnt doing anything wrong)? Then he loses her because he was being a psycho...
Like I said before, if u second guess her...just leave her...it will cause less headaches in the future. And plus when it comes to this in relationships...u thinking that she is cheating on u, well it usually is true. But that has only been in my life and my friends lives with ex's.
01-03-2004, 10:00 PM #29Originally Posted by Kittychick
01-04-2004, 02:09 AM #30
Well i just got out of the bar (work), and no call from her at all (somehow i'm not surprised), I didn't feel like calling cause i am still unsure how to deal with this, and what to say... I want to say thanks to girls in here, cause it gave me a different point of view to look at this... I am absolutely certain she loves the attention she is getting from me (some girls work like this), its sad because i waste my breath on arguing, and explaining why i think its not right to hang out with other guys on a regular basis, smoke dope and be lazy and her response is "their my friends, and we don't smoke all the time" which i know it's bull****, for the record i do not smoke weed, or drop x, or do mushrooms, or any recreational drugs, let alone drink (maybe a few on a holiday or birthday) Only the body enhancing drugs... Unfortunatley this is the crowd that she hangs out with...
I thought about telling her i'm going to be somewhere and just show up at her house and hopefully catch them by surprise. I'm pretty good at judging personalities and can tell when a girl is down for another guy, and a guy is holding back his emotions (so he won't get his face cracked) This sounds crazy but, if she would just come with it and be like "yea, you're not good enough, or i fallen for so and so... or I've been cheating on you etc." this sounds bad but it would make a world of difference... I've asked her before that, to please tell me if something is going on and she still says, "no i love you, nothing is going on"... I would believe her more if she actually acted like it? Finally i never was a jealous person, I could give two ****s about any other dude, i'm not a hater, I get mine, and i worry about me and my girl... For some reason lately maybe because i matured a bit more I look at the way she is around me, and i compare to when these friends call her up to go out, this makes me furious... This is what kills me the most, she will jump at the oppurtunity to go out with her "friends" and for example: I asked her to go to my Employee Christmas Party like 6 months ago...and she was like maybe?...It actually took me 5 months to get a straight answer out of her, i'm like what do you have to ask permission? I am not kidding here... (i was blown away by this)...
I'm too the point where i will be strong enough to leave her i think, because in the back of my mind i'm thinking this is going to be her loss... I guess i was falling in love with her potential and not her... After are argument tonight, We both decided that we were miserable, and unhappy... We try to comprimise, but somehow the past will show its face and ruin a new start... I'm sure many can relate to my situation if you ever had a long term gig... My position i am willing to do anything (she knows this) other then lower myself to be like the trash she hangs with to save our relationship... In the 5+ years i grew to love someone very much and i'm not willing to throw that away that easy... I promised her i would try as hard as i can to make things work... I'm not psycho, but it pisses me off to see something so great, get thrown away and i really want to make it work, but everything happens for a reason... I never let anyone down ever... I feel like i am letting her down and myself down by not figuring out a way for things to go smoothly... I guess there isn't much more i can do....
Thanks again to Everyone who replied, I honestly couldn't of asked for better advice...
01-04-2004, 09:08 AM #31Associate Member
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Bro: you need to go watch when harry met sally... some good ass lines in that movie..(not to mention meg ryan faking an orgasm) "Girls and guys can never be friends the sex thing always gets in the way. " I feel you on being uncomfortable with her going over there. It's not that you distrust your girl so much as you don't know or trust the people she is hanging out with and you know how guys are esp if they are getting tore up. Keep trying to work it out with her and make her understand how much this is borhing you and if that doesn't work then do what you have to do. Oh and it takes 2 to make a relationship... you can't be the only one putting into it. IT won't work, you can't carry it yourself, she has to want it to work and be involved too.
Last edited by Needtobeswoledup; 01-04-2004 at 09:14 AM.
01-04-2004, 02:14 PM #32
Well women and men can be friends and in some cases with me for example.. be best of friends. ut in most cases when it comes to men being friends with women they would jump in bed with them given the first chance. Kitty is right... if you're second guessing her and her loyalty to you and she won't comprimise about hanging with those guys.... move on. i have found out the hard way that life is hard enough without adding to it. There's someone out there that shares the same interests as you and that you will never have to second guess. If sitting down and taliking to her isn't working... what's left?? nothing.... i say move on bro and cut your losses before anything worse happens.
01-04-2004, 02:22 PM #33Associate Member
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Big tex: Your just friends right NOW... the future is yet to come... lol I was just using the quote from the movie there are exceptions... and like you said most guys would jump in bed at the first chance with any decent looking girl they where friends with...
01-04-2004, 02:41 PM #34
i dont know i have a few female friends that i just hang out with but then theres the other 4/5's who i want to sleep with.. and yeah it should be her loyalty you should be questioning.. think of an army going to battle and the general doesnt know if the troops are loyal... same thing diffrent situation..
01-11-2004, 03:30 AM #35
Well, It's been a week guys and i'm feeling the blow... Haven't talked to her since last friday, and I'll be honest i'm down in the dumps tonight... I was fine, and now i'm angry and bummed... This breakup is by far the worst thing i've been thru, I feel like i've been betrayed, and stabbed in the back and she is turning the knife!!! I hope you guys with the girls make the best out of what you got, cause its a terrible feeling being lonely... Women, relationships are not my strong point at all (obviously), and there is no way to prepare for anything... Expecting the worst, does nothing... I feel like i got hit by a dump truck... I'm not going to call her cause i don't expect anything to come out of this, and that hurts too...
I think i'm going to get by (understatement) but it is tough... This is by far the most nerve racking thing that has ever ****ing happened... Oh well, I'm not looking for support... I just felt like venting... If i could put this feeling into words, it would go something like...
Have you ever witnessed something that has totally and utterly made you sick to your stomach, or have you ever been just sick to your stomach...that is the feeling...lol ((i actually laughed))
oh well take care bros... Make the best out of what you got going on, and enjoy it... I wouldn't wish this on anyone...
01-11-2004, 06:32 AM #36
keep your head up bro. plenty of chicks out there. you just have to find one i havent been with!
01-11-2004, 09:12 AM #37
And you can always try the dolphin technique on them, like AD has told me about.
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