Thread: Super Heroes Of The Gym
01-31-2004, 02:42 PM #1
Super Heroes Of The Gym
Mr. Charles Glass III
This guy is the almighty Personal Training Co-Ordinator in his gym of employment. Because of his employment status, he automatically assumes he's the best trainer...in the world. He's not only the worst type of trainer to have, but he's also the worst type of trainer to work with. He's constantly supplying you with facts and statistics that seem as bull**** as his mullet, shaved head or buzz cut. Not only does he provide you with useless information, but he also tries to help you 'improve' on your training skills and abilites by having the balls to try and correct you...on everything you do. This guy typically has some good body parts, but he emphasizes them too much and neglects his weak body parts because of his ego. He's generall all Biceps, Chest and/or Lats. He doesn't do any compound presses or squats because he's convinced they're not necessary and will preach that to anyone. Everything he does is with 'safety' first in mind...or atleast that's what he tells his clients and his training buddies.
What to do during an encounter
The best way to survive this encounter is to do one of two things. One, you can agree with this guy for the sake of ending the conversation, or you can question everything he says....which will ultimatley encourage a lengthy conversation of which majority of it will be filled with Statistics and random facts. I would suggest putting your headphones on full blast and ignoring the somma bitch.
01-31-2004, 02:57 PM #2
This guy is found in almost every gym across the world, and some of us have found ourself in this predicament...and god help us, may actually BE him. Mr. Homeostasis is the guy who's been a constant and steady member of the gym for the last 3-5 years. He comes every scheduled day he's supposed to come, at the same time and does the exact same workouts. Once in a blue moon, he'll feel extra spunky and switch up the order of his routine. As commendable as it is for Mr.Homeostasis to be there consistant, he lacks growth. For the last 3-5 years he's looked the exact same. The only thing that may constantly change is his new workout clothes, gloves or god-forbid belt (which he shows off with pride and a big smile). His strength, size, bodyfat and composition have remained in perfect shape...looking the same as he did from day 1. This poor man is often mislead by his training partners, who are the same as him, as they supply enough good words to fill even the largest of ego's. These poor males (generally males) are often found posing in their tighty-whities in the changeroom mirrors and even sometimes out of their habitat and in the actualy gym mirrors with nothing but a tank top.
What do to do in an encounter
In this type of situation with this profile, there really isn't anything you can do. It's a general consensus that these individuals are happy where they are, so why burst the bubble? The best thing to do is give a nod of the head in acknowledgement and go on your way. If you find yourself socializing with the likes, keep your distance while still being friendly. Keep in mind if you're an ass, they'll be at your gym at the same time everyday and everyweek for the years to come. If you notice your gains are not coming at all and your strength is the same, stop going to the gym at the same times Mr.Homeostasis goes.
01-31-2004, 02:58 PM #3
LOL. Great post. There is a dummy (Personal Trainer advertised on the back of his golf shirt) at my gym, shaved head of course, that claims on his program you can gain 20 lbs of muscle naturally in a relatively short time. If his claims are true, then how come he looks like ass and never gets bigger?
01-31-2004, 03:08 PM #4
Notice that it's MRS. Hotness-Monster, note that it's not a MS...and for your safety, don't forget it. Mrs. Hotness-Monster is the member of your gym that is absolutely stunning, and has the T&A to match. As graceful and nice-smelling as she is, she's a tease to those members of the gym that have both normal levels of Testosterone and those that have 10x as much...especially the latter. She's the member who glides into the Testosterone -Filled section of the gym beside the squat rack, bench press and dumbells. Like Mr.Homeostasis, she's always there at the same time, same place and does the same BS workout...but still has an amazing body (woo-wee). She always looks clean and it seems like she never sweats. The talk of the gym often becomes what color her thong is and how you almost caught a glimpse of her Breasts. The worst part of Mrs.Hotness-Monster is that she knows she's the bomb. She purposefully makes eye contact with members of the opposite sex, but never says a word. A simple smile is all it takes and you're suckered in. There goes your workout.
What to do during an Encounter
Beware though, her Husband/Boyfriend seems to be the biggest, and many times the meanest, SOB in the gym. He's often 6'3"+ and built like a tank...and worst of all, he doesn't take well to onlookers. He's only seen with her twice in the whole gym experience. Once when they first walk in together, and again when they walk out. But beware, as inviting as she may seem, she'll be the first to tell her Godzilla husband/boyfriend that you were 'bothering her'. My advice, have 911 on speed dial...or the SWAT Team. Better yet, stay away, stay far away.
01-31-2004, 03:16 PM #5
Mr. Dress-Up Senior
This character (character indeed he is) is the Geritol who's decked out from his socks to his headband in name-brand athletic wear...which he thinks seem to aid him in his routine exercises such as abductor and adductor, leg extensions, machine shoulder presses and the Elliptical trainer. He looks at everyone, but never says a word. He's often found imitating other members odd movements such as dumbell bicep curls and dumbell shoulder presses. His lack or disregard of making himself look as unnoticeable as possible it what makes him stand out. He has no shame. He will fully examine you head to toe and then copy what you're doing. He often hogs the water fountain and the excess drool coming from his dentures tends to clear the line quickly. He takes his towel everywhere and often is found scouring the gym with his knee high socks, short shorts and tight-ass tank top looking for his misplaced towel. He's a fan of the basics and is only at the gym so he has something well...to do.
What to do in an Encounter
There's not much you can do, as you will no doubt over-power this feeble man. The best thing to do is to stay out of his path as you don't want to be responsible for misplacing his towel or god-forbid....a hip fracture.
Last edited by RoNNy THe BuLL; 02-03-2004 at 11:16 PM.
01-31-2004, 03:27 PM #6
This is more of an evil-do'er. This individual is the Teen at the front desk who is like a Doorman at a popular night club...she has the power to deny you entry. What makes her unique is her ability to, what I like to call, Remember-Forget. She fully well knows who you are and when you come to work out, but she insists on forgetting who you are and constantly asks for your membership card or what your name is. You've seen her atleast 3x a week for the last year or so but she still refuses to show any sort of kindness of acknowledging your existance. She's a robot of some-sort, she refuses to show feeling for the fear of being taken over at the door. Once the door is lost, the inside becomes a mess.
What to do during an Encounter
Just do what she says. If she asks for your card, give it to her. If you don't have it, tell her you forgot it at home and you're more then willing to give any personal information (except for marital status, she may be hot and it may ruin your chances of any sexual activity later on) to identify who you are. If you're sneaking into a gym, just tell her you signed the waiver form and that you left your one-week free pass at home. If she asks who gave it to you? Say the name of any trainer. But you can only use this technique one time, she'll miraculously remember your face if you come back. That's the Remember-Forget in her.
Last edited by RoNNy THe BuLL; 02-03-2004 at 11:13 PM.
01-31-2004, 03:36 PM #7
Lmao I met all these ppl a few times in my life.
Good post Ronny.
01-31-2004, 03:40 PM #8
This guy is usually a one-of-a-kind in the gym. He's the guy who comes in the big parachute pants, the Tank Tops that say "Grr...LIFT HEAVY!" or "5000lbs bench Press Club" and the American-Flag bandana with Construction boots. His exercise of choice is generally the Flat Barbell Bench Press. He's one of the most intense guys in the gym, but his physique alass fails to...how do we say...comply? His body is nowhere near what his intensity or self mental-image is, but he honestly believes he is. He comes in the gym with an old school thick ass leather weight belt, a gym bag that's circa 1982. He comes in intense, and leaves intense. The only thing not-so-intense about this guy is his rest-time inbetween sets. He comes in, does 3 reps of 315lbs on Bench, then rests, laughs and talks with the other members for about...10 minutes. Then he goes back, bangs out a few more reps and then repeats. Atta boy.
What to do in an Encounter
Like Mr.Homeostasis, there's not much you can do. Just let this guy be. He's good from some old stories of the 'Good Ol' Days' in the gym when they had no "Fancy Equip'a'ment" and they used Cow Carcass' for free weights. Generally, this guy has a good attitude. So he's a good guy on my list. Good for him.
Last edited by RoNNy THe BuLL; 02-03-2004 at 11:22 PM.
01-31-2004, 03:41 PM #9
I would write more, but the real world calls! I gotta go to work!
I will write some more tomorrow.
01-31-2004, 05:22 PM #10
keep em coming bro, they are funny as sh*t.
01-31-2004, 05:48 PM #11
RDB that was good. First time I've smiled all day. TY.
02-03-2004, 01:53 AM #12
This guy is notorious for being infatuated with Superman. The funny thing about this guy is that he believes he has an uncanny physical resembelance to the Pro's with the same infatuation...namely either Lee Priest or Matt Duvall. This is the guy that comes in to the gym with the same Superman T-Shirt and actually gels his hair before a workout. He often wears straps for almost every exercise (even Tricep Dips) and is always seen smiling in between workouts. He's also a big fan of himself, who he constantly refers to as 'Clark' or 'Mister Kent'. While he still has some solid muscle mass and a good structure, he's far from being labelled the next Superman...but fails to realize the truth. This Clark Kent truly believes he's Superman all the time, especially while trying to lift weights he can't handle.
What to do in an encounter
Kryptonite. If there's non-around, the best thing to do is just smile and continue on with your normal routine. If need be, just whisper that you think Lex is in Metropolis and before you know it, "Clark Kent's" glasses will be off and he'll be scurrying out the nearest exit.
02-03-2004, 02:00 AM #13
This individuals name is truly decieving, as is his physique. He's one of the few guys in the gym that actually work out consistantly, hard and with solid weight. Not only does he train like an animal, but he has the physique to match. He usually sticks to himself, but still remains friendly with other patrons of the gym. His name originates from his constant push for 'Creatine', when it's obvious that he's mixing with other 'supplements'. He's the guy that you ask for advice and when you ask how he put on so much weight in such a short time, he just says, "Creatine" and begins to preach you on how good it's working for him. His 'supplement' abubse, as apparent as it is, is often hidden by his push for any Creatine based product. Either way, he's pushing some sort of BS....whether it's his 'motto against steroids ' or 'Muscle-Tech' advertisement.
What to do in an encounter
Like many of the other characters, there's not much you CAN do in an encounter. No matter how hard you push him to answer your questions, you'll always hear of over-the-counter supplements ranging from Multi-Vitamins to the ridiculous Oxygenated-Water. The best bet is to offer a spot when needed and smile back. This dude ain't givin' up his 'supplement stack' anytime soon.
02-03-2004, 02:08 AM #14
This guy is truly in every gym, or atleast 99% of them. He's often described as the 'dude with the jeans and tank top' who has an off-shoot form of a mullet or long hair and looks more like your Science Teacher rather then a hardcore gym member. If he's not wearing 'Jeans and a Tank Top', he's often seen wearing 'Jogging shorts, knee high socks and a Tank Top'. As nice as he is, he's often referred to as "That dude who needs to brush his teeth" or "Nasty ass breathe". After adjusting his glasses and getting a sip from the Water-Fountain, this guy generally comes up to anybody within close range and uses a variety of words that seem to always contain the consanent "H" in them, resulting in the horrendous bad-breathe. He'll talk to you about anything he can just to keep conversation up and try to be "Mr.Social", but in reality, you just want him to leave you alone and feel digusted after using the drinking fountain after him.
What to do in an encounter
First and foremost, breathe through your mouth. If you get a wiff of "Dragon's" breathe, you're in a heap of trouble. Not only will your facial expression change, but you'd be in the process of a partial-gag. The best thing to do is talk to him while turned to the side so the bad-breathe just hits your cheek. Immediately after talking to him, it's advised you wash your face and hands so none of the horrible stench remains. Good luck and god be with you.
Last edited by RoNNy THe BuLL; 02-03-2004 at 11:11 PM.
02-03-2004, 02:14 AM #15
This guy just makes you feel weird. You often question 'why' he joined a gym since it always seems that he's more interested in what every other person is doing in the gym, besides himself. Often of old age, he usually sits on the recumbant bike and stares at anything that walks bye...regardless of sex. After his intense cardio session, and regularly hidden erection, he stroddles over to the weight section and has his hands constantly in his pockets. He walks around the gym, lifting up a weight every so often and is often seen trying to engage in conversation with the younger members, as mentioned before, regardless of sex. While politely being told that he's disgusting and perverted, he usually ends of his woirkout session by hitting the showers for a long time. He usually bathes for a lengthy time period and is caught staring at other members quite frequently, but seems not to care. He's also referred to as "That ****in Perv".
What to do in an encounter
If you're under the legal age, tell an adult. If over, stay in a group and never wonder off alone. When he tries to engage in conversation, yell "Fire" until someone comes to help and if needbe, find Mr.1980-Halotosis and engage in a conversation so that Mr. Pervert believes that you're previously occupied.
Last edited by RoNNy THe BuLL; 02-03-2004 at 11:18 PM.
02-03-2004, 06:48 AM #16
im attempting to put faces to all of these people........lol.......
02-03-2004, 08:09 AM #17
I guess a lot of guys can call me Mr Muscletech from now on
02-03-2004, 02:36 PM #18
OMG............you got it all to a tee......at least, i know its not just my gym now.........lol
02-03-2004, 02:41 PM #19
ronny that was classic...lmao...
02-03-2004, 03:10 PM #20
funny stuff...i know the muscle tech guy in my gym...he thinks Cell Tech/Nitro Tech/and animal stak is all you need...haha what a joke
Good one Ronny...type up some more when you get chance...what about the guy who maxes out on the precher curl bench...or does 2 reps with the whole rack on tricep push downs...i love those people
02-03-2004, 04:28 PM #21
OMG im a mr. muscletech! sponsorship here fellas???
02-03-2004, 08:10 PM #22
Mr.Intense-No-Body... haha, I like that one. There is the exact guy at my gym. Every freeking morning i'm doing cardio I see this bozo do nothing but bench press everyday.
Does 6-8 reps 2 plates a side then takes off for 10mins to chat with anyone in the area. BP only everyday and never getting any bigger.
02-03-2004, 09:04 PM #23Originally Posted by MachZ
02-03-2004, 11:01 PM #24
This guy is barely a "Mr" as he's still in his teens. Not only does this pubescent travel in a pack, but they all seem to have the same wardrobe. They're often seen wearing Caps angled to the side, baggy jogging pants, a tight tank top and a shirt that seems to be half on/half off. They tend to stick the the basic routine; the all-too popular bench press and the alternate dumbell bicep curls. Once in a blue moon they'll throw in some sort of tricep exercise while intensely staring at their 'sick definition' in the mirror. They all seem to suffer some sort of visual impairmen. While listening in on one of their many conversations, you would think that they'd be mass monsters who seem to improve every workout. But at first, second and third glance, you find yourself squinting...not from the sun, but trying to find that 'peak' of a bicep the rest of the posse is 'ooh' and 'aaahing' about. These guys can also be found immediately after a workout in 1 of 3 places; 1) the parking lot smoking their pre-workout cigarette 2) The local McDonalds for some class McProtein or 3) The local mall with their sleeves up and their 'muscles' showing.
What to do in an encounter
You have to be careful when approaching or being approached by this vaginal males. They tend to have a chip on their shoulder and feel that they have to make up their physical...difficulties with a thug attitude. They're quick to judge and mimick, but when push comes to shove, you'll be safe. They tend to talk a big game, but have a small G-Units. With these individuals, there's no encounter except when in a big group of people. When they're alone, they're as timid as their Mr. Dress-Up Senior.
02-03-2004, 11:02 PM #25
Lemme see if I can find pics to match these characters? hmmm...
02-03-2004, 11:04 PM #26
Its like a universal people code for all gyms im convinced...
02-03-2004, 11:11 PM #27
haha... hey ronny, does mr. G-unit have a tatoo tha says 14 inches? LMAO!!
02-03-2004, 11:19 PM #28Originally Posted by bigol'legs
You got a good-ass memory Big' Ol!
02-03-2004, 11:23 PM #29Originally Posted by RoNNy THe BuLL
speaking of which.. wheres those pics? LOL
02-03-2004, 11:26 PM #30
I've been too busy working man. I haven't met no girlies in like TWO weeks. I'll get some this weekend for sure. This time, I mean it.
02-03-2004, 11:29 PM #31Originally Posted by RoNNy THe BuLL
so its been busy at work hu? when ya gonna pay me to help you out? it'll have to be this summer so i can wear shorts.. LOL
02-03-2004, 11:31 PM #32
Help me out with wha' bro. You mean pickin' up the fine-ass hunnies? I don't know. don't you have to check with your wife to see if it's okay?
02-03-2004, 11:33 PM #33
naw... werent ya lookin to hire some bouncers...?
02-03-2004, 11:41 PM #34
Yeah yeah. I got my own security B'ness up here in Toronto. We don't do clubs anymore since the large amount of shootings. We only do private functions, bodyguarding and big shows. I go where the money goes.
02-03-2004, 11:45 PM #35Originally Posted by RoNNy THe BuLL
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