Official Joke thread!!

**nevaenuf** · 02-13-2004, 08:26 PM

Heard any good jokes lately? Lets hear them.

**nevaenuf** · 02-13-2004, 08:30 PM

A 21 year old guy goes to the hospital to finally get circumsized. After the precedure the doc comes in and explains to him that they had a mix up and accedently preformed a sex change opperation. The guy is devistated and says "You mean I will never get to feel an erection again?" Then the doc says "Yeah, it just wont be yours."

**DF2003** · 02-13-2004, 08:42 PM

lol. yuck!

**nostawk** · 02-13-2004, 08:50 PM

If that happened to me i would cut off the doctor's penis, kill him, then kill myself.

**Stea7jjdyEddie** · 02-13-2004, 09:00 PM

Where can you find short brown curly hair on a blond girl??????????????????????????

Between her TEETH!!!!!!

**Da Bull** · 02-13-2004, 09:27 PM

LMAO@ Steadyyyyyyy

**the_rebirth** · 02-13-2004, 09:56 PM

what kinda meat does a preist eat???

nun !!!

hardy har har

**nostawk** · 02-13-2004, 10:03 PM

umm, not catholic preists...............

**nevaenuf** · 02-13-2004, 10:04 PM

There are two guys lost in the desert. Just when they have lost all hope and are sure they are gonna die, they come across a single, small house in the middle of no where. They run up to the house and bang on the door. An obeast, smelly, hairy, wart ridden lady answers the door and the guys ask her for some water. The lady says that she will give them some water but they have to sleep with her to get it. The first guy tells her she can f*ck herself because she is the nastist thing he has ever seen and he would die before he ever would stoop that low. But the second guys standards arent quite as high and he agrees to sleep with her. So the first guy says that he will be waiting on side of the house for him to get done. The second guy goes inside the house with her and tells her to take her pants off and go lie on the bed. And as he aproches her he sees some corn on the cob sitting on the table, then he gets an idea. So he tells the lady to close her eyes and when she does he used the corn on the cob to satisfy her. And after she gets off he throws the corn on the cob out of the window and tells her she can open her eyes. She says that is the best sex she has ever had and wants more. So the second guy says that he will do it again but only if she gives his friend some water also. She agees and he uses the corn on the cob again and throws it out of the window. After the nasy lady contains herself and gets out of bed she gives the second guy a big pitcher of water and he brings it outside and tells the first guy that he has water for them both, but that first guy says f*ck the water, he wants some more of that good corn on the cob that was being thrown out of the window.

**monster.** · 02-13-2004, 10:18 PM

A guy walks into a bar, stands there and asks, "Whos the biggest, strongest guy in here?" All the way in the back, this big fuking juicer gets up, walks over to the guy stands toe to toe with him and says, "I think I am you got a fuking problem bro????" The guy says, "Yea, I got a fuking problem, my car ran out of gas, can you help me push it?"

This one got a chuckle out of me, when i heard it.. haha

**Stea7jjdyEddie** · 02-13-2004, 10:20 PM

I hope that I don't offend anyone with this one............

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?????

.........Christopher Walken............

**monster.** · 02-13-2004, 10:33 PM

A guy walks into a bar, and orders six shots of tequilia, to celebrate his first blowjob.. Congragulations!!! says the bartender, here's another shot on the house.. I appreciate that the guy replies, but no thanks if six doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will..

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

**chicamahomico** · 02-13-2004, 10:33 PM

Two guys died and went to the Pearly Gates of Heaven. They got to the
gates and St. Peter says, "Well, we already met our criteria for the
month for Americans. We can only let one of you in. One of you will end
up going to hell. So, what we need to do is have a little contest between
you guys to see which one can get into heaven." St. Peter then tells them
that they each have to write a poem that has the word "Timbuktu" in it.
And whoever has the best poem will get into heaven.

The guys go off on their own for a little while to write their poems.
When they get back to St. Peter, he asks for their poems. The first guys
says "My poem is the best. I'm getting into heaven. Have fun in hell." He
reads his poem to St. Peter. This is how it went. "Tread across the
desert sand, shade my eyes with my hand. Covered wagon comes in view,
destination--Timbuktu".

St. Peter's pretty impressed and tells him he did a good job. St. Peter
turns to the second guy, "That was a good one, it'll be tough to beat
it."

The second guy says, "Not a problem. I got this one easy. You have fun in
hell." Here's how his poem went. "Tim and I, a hunting we went, found
three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I bucked
one and Tim bucked two!"

**ToTheMAX04** · 02-13-2004, 11:04 PM

This guy goes to las vegas. He is at the bar in his hotel. He then asks the bartender, is their any good strip joints around here. The Bar tender replies, ya their is a great one, just down the street and to the left, just dont pick sand paper sally.

While wondering down the street, he walks into a bar. Getting sloppy and forgetful, he asks the bartender, is their an good strip joints around here, the bartender replies, ya a great one, down hte street and to the left, just dont pick sand paper sally.

He walks his way down to the strip joint. He asks for a woman, the pimp said all they have left is sand paper sally, the guy was so sloppy he took her despite all the advice. They start doing it, and the guy pulls out really quick, he sais what the hell, this feels like sand paper. She then goes into the bathroom, 5 min later she comes back. They start doing it again, and this time is was incredible.

After they are done, the man asks, wow that was great, what did you do in the bathroom, she replies, i just let is bleed and pus a little.

**Warrior** · 02-13-2004, 11:09 PM

Hoss

**mfenske** · 02-14-2004, 09:12 AM

What does Michael Jackson like best about twenty-eight year olds?

There's 20 of them. Mark

**daman1** · 02-14-2004, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by mfenske

What does Michael Jackson like best about twenty-eight year olds?

There's 20 of them. Mark

LMAO!!!!!!

**bigdog81** · 02-14-2004, 10:18 AM

classic...lol3

got kids?

**Red Ketchup** · 02-14-2004, 10:31 AM

How do you separate the men from the boys at Michael Jacksons neverland?

With a crow-bar

Red

**hoss827** · 02-14-2004, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by monster.

A guy walks into a bar, stands there and asks, "Whos the biggest, strongest guy in here?" All the way in the back, this big fuking juicer gets up, walks over to the guy stands toe to toe with him and says, "I think I am you got a fuking problem bro????" The guy says, "Yea, I got a fuking problem, my car ran out of gas, can you help me push it?"

This one got a chuckle out of me, when i heard it.. haha

LMAO!!!!!

**hoss827** · 02-14-2004, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by Warrior

Hoss

Heh...

An old time biker goes and sits on the bench in a mall...The next thing that happens is a 14 year old kid comes and sits next to him, his hair is dyed purple, green, yellow, red, and blue, and is spiked . The biker stares at this kid, and is scared to death..

"Whats the matter old man , aint you ever done anything crazy?"

Old Biker: "Well..........uhhh...yeah...I f ucked a parrot once, I was just wondering if you were my son....."

**USfighterFC** · 02-14-2004, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Warrior

Hoss

LMAO warrior thats funny. Hoss you know i like you its just that was clever.

**Testsubject** · 02-14-2004, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Red Ketchup

How do you separate the men from the boys at Michael Jacksons neverland?

With a crow-bar

Red

LOL heres another good one, How do you know when its time to go to bed at neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand.

**Testsubject** · 02-14-2004, 03:55 PM

Alright,,,,,,, Bill Clinton was at a news conference and he noticed this really good looking news reporter, he thought to himself, I should go up to her and ask her if she like to go on a date. So he finished up what he was doing and went over to the women and asked if she would like to come up to the oval office tonight to see his clock, she thought for a second and said sure that sounds innocent enough. So later that night she headed over to the oval office with him and as soon as Bill opened the door and got inside he pulled down his pants and pulled his cock out. Well she couldnt believe this, she said WTF, I thought you were going to show me your clock, thats not a clock, Bill said it sure would be if there was two hands and a face on it.

**USfighterFC** · 02-14-2004, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by Testsubject

Alright,,,,,,, Bill Clinton was at a news conference and he noticed this really good looking news reporter, he thought to himself, I should go up to her and ask her if she like to go on a date. So he finished up what he was doing and went over to the women and asked if she would like to come up to the oval office tonight to see his clock, she thought for a second and said sure that sounds innocent enough. So later that night she headed over to the oval office with him and as soon as Bill opened the door and got inside he pulled down his pants and pulled his cock out. Well she couldnt believe this, she said WTF, I thought you were going to show me your clock, thats not a clock, Bill said it sure would be if there was two hands and a face on it.

LMAO that is the best one yet.

**hoss827** · 02-14-2004, 05:03 PM

Hillary Clinton dies and goes to heaven...She notices all these clocks around, and asks God, "What are all these clocks for?". God replies,"When someone lies, the hands on the clock begin to move." hilary, being as clever as she is says, "Where is my husbands clock?" God replies, "Oh, that one is in my office, i'm using it as a ceiling fan."

--Hoss

**hoss827** · 02-14-2004, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by USfighterFC

LMAO that is the best one yet.

**spywizard** · 02-14-2004, 05:24 PM

Shut the F*uck up.............

dude........don't know how old you are... or what part of the country you are in.. but i have been telling that joke since i was in jr high... 1976

toooooooooooooooo funny.,...

Originally Posted by nevaenuf

There are two guys lost in the desert. Just when they have lost all hope and are sure they are gonna die, they come across a single, small house in the middle of no where. They run up to the house and bang on the door. An obeast, smelly, hairy, wart ridden lady answers the door and the guys ask her for some water. The lady says that she will give them some water but they have to sleep with her to get it. The first guy tells her she can f*ck herself because she is the nastist thing he has ever seen and he would die before he ever would stoop that low. But the second guys standards arent quite as high and he agrees to sleep with her. So the first guy says that he will be waiting on side of the house for him to get done. The second guy goes inside the house with her and tells her to take her pants off and go lie on the bed. And as he aproches her he sees some corn on the cob sitting on the table, then he gets an idea. So he tells the lady to close her eyes and when she does he used the corn on the cob to satisfy her. And after she gets off he throws the corn on the cob out of the window and tells her she can open her eyes. She says that is the best sex she has ever had and wants more. So the second guy says that he will do it again but only if she gives his friend some water also. She agees and he uses the corn on the cob again and throws it out of the window. After the nasy lady contains herself and gets out of bed she gives the second guy a big pitcher of water and he brings it outside and tells the first guy that he has water for them both, but that first guy says f*ck the water, he wants some more of that good corn on the cob that was being thrown out of the window.

**Red Ketchup** · 02-14-2004, 05:40 PM

What is fuzzy and green, has 4 legs and when it falls out of a tree it kills you instantly?

A pool table

Red

**Testsubject** · 02-14-2004, 07:45 PM

OK there was a guy named Pasquali and another guy named Luwigi, they were hangin out and Pasquali said to Luwigi, Luwigi, would you sleep with a woman with a big ass? Luwigi said no. Then Pasquali said to Luwigi, Luwigi, would you sleep with a woman with some big tits? Luwigi said no. Then Pasquali said to Luwigi, Luwigi, would you sleep with a woman with a big ass, some big tits, and a mole on her face with a long hair sticking out of it? Luwigi said NO!. Pasquali said NO! well then why were you sleeping with my wife!!

**jbol** · 02-14-2004, 08:22 PM

two guys become friends and for the first time the decide to go to the bar together,guy#1 has women falling all over him,the women are buying him drinks and asking him to dance,this happens all night long.well, the night comes to an end and on the way home guy#2 asks guy#1 "how do you get all the women to fall all over you like that"?"i mean they pretty much do anything you want them to".guy#2 says "its easy, i just put a potato down my pants and the women just love it,works everytime".so the next night the two guys decide to hit up another bar. guy #2 walks in the bar and before you know it the women are pointing and laughing at guy #2,everytime he approaches a women they get away from him as quick as they can.finally guy#1 walks up to guy #2 and says "no,you dummy your supposed to put the potato down the front of your pants"

**jbolsrn** · 02-14-2004, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by Stea7jjdyEddie

I hope that I don't offend anyone with this one............

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?????

.........Christopher Walken............

LMFAO!

**Testsubject** · 02-14-2004, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by jbol

two guys become friends and for the first time the decide to go to the bar together,guy#1 has women falling all over him,the women are buying him drinks and asking him to dance,this happens all night long.well, the night comes to an end and on the way home guy#2 asks guy#1 "how do you get all the women to fall all over you like that"?"i mean they pretty much do anything you want them to".guy#2 says "its easy, i just put a potato down my pants and the women just love it,works everytime".so the next night the two guys decide to hit up another bar. guy #2 walks in the bar and before you know it the women are pointing and laughing at guy #2,everytime he approaches a women they get away from him as quick as they can.finally guy#1 walks up to guy #2 and says "no,you dummy your supposed to put the potato down the front of your pants"

LOL, thats good man.

**jbolsrn** · 02-14-2004, 09:52 PM

Where's your potato? Did you do a potato check lately!

**jbol** · 02-14-2004, 09:58 PM

Originally Posted by jbolsrn

Where's your potato? Did you do a potato check lately!

excuse my woman,shes kind of a smart ass,she didnt like my potato joke.

**Red Ketchup** · 02-15-2004, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by jbolsrn

Where's your potato? Did you do a potato check lately!

Excuse me? Is this the potato farm?

Yes... I am Albert Potato!

Red
(shït! now I have to go rent "Top Secret" again!)

**peregrine** · 02-15-2004, 01:25 PM

no offense anyone

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "to think that right here used to be the Twin Towers..."

The son, not understanding, asks his father "What are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them."

The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"

**Vidooch** · 02-17-2004, 12:24 AM

why do blonde girls always go out and fcuk mexicans after school?

because the teachers tell them to go do an esei (essay)

**slamd097** · 02-17-2004, 08:23 AM

my favorite..it kinda stick all day long and gets funnier the more you think about it..

two cannibals eating a clown..one turn to the other and says" does this taste funny to you?"

what is green, red, and goes over a hundred miles an hour?

frog in a blender...

what is black, white, black white, black, white, red?

nun falling down a flight of stairs..

**RP7** · 02-18-2004, 03:46 PM

A rabbit is running through the forest gleefully.

The rabbit comes across a monkey rolling a joint. "Monkey don't do drugs, come run throught the forest with me." The monkey looks at his joint, then at the rabbit, throws it away and goes skipping off with the rabbit.

They come across a giraffe about to do a line. Rabbit says, "Giraffe don't do drugs, come run throught the forest with me and monkey." The giraffe looks up at the two, then back at the razor and mirror. He tosses the coke and goes running off with the other animals.

The rabbit, monkey and giraffe come across a lion about to do heroin. The rabbit says, "Lion don't do drugs, come run throught the forest with us." The lion very calmly puts down the syringe. He grabs the rabbit by the neck and just starts feeding him with right haymakers.

"What are you doing? He was just trying to help you?!" scream the monkey and giraffe.

"What this sonuvabitch?!" The lion replies, "Every time hes on ecstasy he makes me run around the forest like a f*kin idiot!"