The Rules of Blowjobs

[hoss827]

Hey guys, and ladies, thought this was some funny sh it...

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)



1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard
practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard,
deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on
your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through
your head - I'm bloated and I feel like **** so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right
now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls -
if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me
I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards
is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the
origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good
at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs
often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss
it good morning."



A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)



1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find
someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to
you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful
I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only
way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need
all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the
short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but
when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be
"sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your
face, now will you?

[Da Bull]

Lol........

[spywizard]

#14...... brush your teeth afterwards........i'll kiss ya.. goodnight

[hoss827]

Jesus Christ....Ok, when anyone else opened this did it take you to SUCK ME BITCH. COM!?????????? My MOM was in here when those god****ed porno popups came up! Like 15 of them! Thank God I have a laptop, i closed the lid and acted like i was fidgeting with the USB port til she left

[spywizard]

no it did'nt.............. that's on your side... it is cookies on your computer...

run spysweeper........

Jesus Christ....Ok, when anyone else opened this did it take you to SUCK ME BITCH. COM!?????????? My MOM was in here when those god****ed porno popups came up! Like 15 of them! Thank God I have a laptop, i closed the lid and acted like i was fidgeting with the USB port til she left

[hoss827]

I havent cleaned em out, that's why. Thanks bro, and i'll run that too.

--Hoss

[Elliot]

hoss is speakig form expirence ladys.. hes gotten many and given twice as much..

[USfighterFC]

There is this one real slamming girl from suck me bitch but her video is not up for a sample.

[SpunHoney]

~ Pretty funny! but i enjoy giving head! all well call me crazy!~

[hoss827]

hoss is speakig form expirence ladys.. hes gotten many and given twice as much..

Hey Elliot....F U C K YOU!!

[bermich]

LADIES. It is soooo true. A guy usually keeps a girl who gives good head. Very limited quantity. Almost like an unopened collectable. Half of em suck at it, The other 45 percent suck at it but think they do a good job.

[Elliot]

LADIES. It is soooo true. A guy usually keeps a girl who gives good head. Very limited quantity. Almost like an unopened collectable. Half of em suck at it, The other 45 percent suck at it but think they do a good job.

its soo sad when a girl thinks she can give good head and all you wanna do it donkey pounch her..

[USfighterFC]

My ex g/f sucked at giving head reeaaaaally bad and didnt like doing it....................hence the term EX g/f

[LilVito469]

dam my ex could suck a baseball through a garden hose

[RoNNy THe BuLL]

The absolute WORST is when they accidentally hit "it" with their Teeth. OUCH! Or they accidentally bite it. That is the WORST! WHY?! I'll tell you why...

Because then we guys go "Ahhh! Fuuuck..." and don't say nothin' 'cause we don't want them to stop. But we're doing it out of PAIN. But the girl, she thinks that we like it, so they do it again on purpose...then it repeats where we don't say anything because we don't want them to stop.

That's the absolute worst.

[scottninpo]

LADIES. It is soooo true. A guy usually keeps a girl who gives good head. Very limited quantity. Almost like an unopened collectable. Half of em suck at it, The other 45 percent suck at it but think they do a good job.

that's the best response i've read in a long time! so true....
that's when i tell them that i prefer hand jobs to blow jobs, it's hard to f*ck up a hand job

[PurePower]

pretty good post hoss

[spywizard]

Hey RoNNy.....

date models that have false teeth... alot of the european ones do because of bad teeth when they were younger...

Just a thought....

The absolute WORST is when they accidentally hit "it" with their Teeth. OUCH! Or they accidentally bite it. That is the WORST! WHY?! I'll tell you why...

Because then we guys go "Ahhh! Fuuuck..." and don't say nothin' 'cause we don't want them to stop. But we're doing it out of PAIN. But the girl, she thinks that we like it, so they do it again on purpose...then it repeats where we don't say anything because we don't want them to stop.

That's the absolute worst.

[LuvMuhRoids]

Now how did I guess this was a HOSS thread before I got in here?

[palme]

that's the best response i've read in a long time! so true....
that's when i tell them that i prefer hand jobs to blow jobs, it's hard to f*ck up a hand job

Acctualy some girls dont go fast enough and dont have the stamina...for me atleast.

But im de-sensitised from wacking it so much in my youth. Cant feel anything when they play with the tounge on my tip either

[daman1]

[spywizard]

Yes.........but didn't you read my post a few weeks ago.. studies show that excessive masterbation while in your 20's reduces the chance of prostate cancer later in life..

Good job.........

now go wash your hands........

Acctualy some girls dont go fast enough and dont have the stamina...for me atleast.

But im de-sensitised from wacking it so much in my youth. Cant feel anything when they play with the tounge on my tip either

[palme]

Great, but i hear drol usage increases that risk So im ****ed anyway hehe!

[scottninpo]

Great, but i hear drol usage increases that risk So im ****ed anyway hehe!

so does that mean to counter the affects of the drol, you should beat off three times a day?

[palme]

so does that mean to counter the affects of the drol, you should beat off three times a day?

Not sure, we better get a VET in here stat!

[KrashRoute]

the female perspective on there was written by a boring female. Im leavin it at that.

[Da Bull]

Acctualy some girls dont go fast enough and dont have the stamina...for me atleast.

But im de-sensitised from wacking it so much in my youth. Cant feel anything when they play with the tounge on my tip either

LMAO............that's the funniest thing I read in a while

[damiongage]

hey Spun... I volenteer

[damiongage]

just tring to help, seeing you enjoy it so much

[SpunHoney]

just tring to help, seeing you enjoy it so much

~hehehe well thank you for the offer i will be sure to keep that in mind hun!~

[zx7racing]

hoos sure does know his bjs

[monster.]

LOL... thats a funny post.. I never grabbed my girls ears? haha.. I did tell my ex one time, she couldn't use her hands, just her mouth.. I was expecting the worst, I never knew she was so talented when given a challenge like that..haha