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Thread: Men vs. Women

  1. #1
    daman1's Avatar
    daman1 is offline Diet Specialist
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    Men vs. Women

    1.NAMES
    > >
    > > If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
    call
    >each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
    > >
    > > If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
    to
    >each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 2.EATING OUT
    > >
    > > When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
    $20,
    >even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
    smaller
    >and none will actually admit they want change back.
    > >
    > > When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 3.MONEY
    > >
    > > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    > >
    > > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
    >sale.
    >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 4.BATH ROOMS
    > >
    > > A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
    >razor,
    >
    >a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
    > >
    > > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
    A
    >man
    >
    >would not be able to identify most of these items.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 5.ARGUMENTS
    > >
    > > A woman has the last word in any argument.
    > >
    > > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 6.CATS
    > >
    > > Women love cats.
    > >
    > > Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
    cats.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 7.FUTURE
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    > >
    > > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 8.SUCCESS
    > >
    > > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
    spend.
    > >
    >&g t; A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 9.MARRIAGE
    > >
    > > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    > >
    > > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 10.DRESSING UP
    > >
    > > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
    >garbage,
    >answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    > >
    > > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 11.NATURAL
    > >
    > > Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    > >
    > > Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 12.OFFSPRING
    > >
    > > Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
    >dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
    secret
    >fears and hopes and dreams.
    > >
    > > A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    > >
    > > Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
    people
    >remembering the same thing.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > AND FINALLY.....
    > >
    > > A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
    word.
    > >
    > > An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
    wanted
    >to
    >concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack
    asses, and
    >pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "Yep,"the husband replied, "in-laws."
    >

  2. #2
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    Cute. Glad to see you are typing in english now. You OK?

  3. #3
    daman1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
    Cute. Glad to see you are typing in english now. You OK?
    Ahh I'm still here. Just been having a rough past week. Had my brother's burial Friday. So I'm trying to keep half-way sane. Thank you for asking

  4. #4
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    Sorry about your Brother. I know how you feel when it comes to loss. Any time you need cheered up, just shoot me a PM and I'll do my best.

    C.B.

  5. #5
    bermich's Avatar
    bermich is offline Anabolic Member
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    LMAO. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house


    My condolances to you and your family.

  6. #6
    Mr. Death's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daman1
    > > 6.CATS
    > >
    > > Women love cats.
    > >
    > > Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
    cats.
    I really do love cats .

  7. #7
    Da Bull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Death
    I really do love cats .
    THat's the onlt piece I didn't care for,but all else was funny.

    Sorry for your loss bro.....my heart goes out to you and your family.

  8. #8
    Testify's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daman1
    9.MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
    Isn't that the truth.

    I also like the one about the "short people." LMAO!

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss bro. I can't imagine how you must feel, but you can always come here and talk about anything.

  9. #9
    Vidooch's Avatar
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    LOL. that was a very funny read bro.

    my heart also goes out to you and your family

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