Bathroom Jokes

CAN'T DO THAT IN A REST HOME
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing
home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next
morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set
her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She
seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in
her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten
her up.

Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the
other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to
her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all
right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

NO USE KNOCKING
A drunken man staggered in to a Catholic church and sat down in a
confession box, saying nothing.
The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the
man said nothing.

The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to
get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replied, "No use knockin', mate, there's no paper
in this one either."

GOD AND THE OLD MAN'S PEE
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came
back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at
peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your
God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight,
so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go
to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the
light goes off when I'm done."

"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he
said,"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up
during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then
(poof!) the light goes off?"

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!"

THREE IGLOOS
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they
were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold
it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could
agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they
decided to determine who indeed had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch
this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water
froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad",
said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was
colder still.

So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch
this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath
froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's
colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo.

But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they
ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!"
and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and
retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took it,
put it in a spoon, and held a match under it.

DOCTOR, I HAVE A GAS PROBLEM
A little OLD lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this
problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and
are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
since I've been here in your office.
You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next
week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what
the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink
terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's
work on your hearing."

hahahahahaha. bro those jokes were funny as hell. had me laughing out loud in class

:lol:

Great jokes bro! Very funny!!

The only one I know is from a fortune cookie:

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Silly, but still registers on my humor radar . . .
--Tock