My mother's wedding???

Well I have a delemia....

My mother is getting married for the 4th time. Now to a man I truely think is the scum of the Earth. I don't like him, her best friends don't like him, even my boyfriend who has met him once doesn't like him. They have been dating for 6 month, and me moved from Dallas to Austin to be with her, and not only to Austin, but into our house. All of this happened after a month.

Well now they are engaged. But my mother didn't tell me they were engaged... her assistant let it slip, "oh your not coming home for the wedding?"... me "what wedding????"

Then when I confront my mother I am asked... "Oh I didnt tell you , I thought I told you", which 5 minutes later turns into "well we didn't tell many people because we don't want any big parties or anything"... LIES LIES LIES!!!!!

So now the wedding is set for June 11th, and the only people who are going to be there are his 2 daughters and me and my sister. I'm sorry but if you want that small of a wedding, go to the court house!

The only reason I feel I am being asked to come is because his daughters live with their mother 7 hours from Austin (where the wedding is taking place) which is only one hour from where I live, and I was asked if I could drive them back up here, so that my mother and evil man could go on thier honeymoon.

I don't want to go for many reasons...
1) I feel Im being used, just so they can get his kids back to thier mother
2) I don't want to ride 6 hours with a screaming 3 year old and a 7 year old (granted it would be perminate birth control for the next year)
3) I don't want to drive back home, 6 hours by myself, because my boyfriend can't come, and i think it's BS that he cant come!
4) Its her 4th wedding.. I have been IN all of them except for the 1st because I was in her stomach!

Sorry this is long, I just wanted to know anyone elses opinion on it... am I being a bad daughter for not going??? Or am I justified???

Thanks
The Princess

Man girl it sounds as if you are SOL....just do what you feel is right. She has been married 4x....enough is enough...you don't have to go especially if you don't approve.

I wish you the best of luck....hang in the kiddo!

very justified!

I would tell her that "I will not be attending nor do I approve of this wedding. I wish you the best of luck and will be there for you if you need me, Because I love you."

but if you do not attend you must relize this may damage your relationship with your mother forever.

I would go.
Its only a few hours out of your life and then it's all over.
Sorry you are having to go threw this but life realy sucks sometimes.

I, actually know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same situation, I have been in 3 of my mom's weddings. I think she (your mom) wants it kept quiet because she knows he is a jerk, why she is marrying him I have no clue. You should really sit down and tell her he is an ass and go from there. Whether or not you should go is up to you. And if you dont want to drive his kids, tell him no, its not your responsibility. ttu, I am sorry, I know this is the shi$%, but I would start with being honest with your mom.

You're not a bad daughter. You're a princess. :) I guess someday we all realize that just because our parents are . . . well, our parents, it doesn't necessarily make them perfect. You have a right to be angry about several things, it sounds like. You should confront your mother about these things. Be more mature and fair to her than she has been to you. That's all you can do.

Thanks boys for your opinions... this is just a crappy situation all around....

Mart.. when I saw that you had replied I was almost worried to open it.... I expected soemthing like

"tell your mom to ditch the loser and get with me".... or i dont know something smart assie.... but you surprised me!!! LOL

I would show your mother this thread

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Originally Posted by jbolsrn

I, actually know exactly how you feel. I have been in the same situation, I have been in 3 of my mom's weddings. I think she (your mom) wants it kept quiet because she knows he is a jerk, why she is marrying him I have no clue. You should really sit down and tell her he is an ass and go from there. Whether or not you should go is up to you. And if you dont want to drive his kids, tell him no, its not your responsibility. ttu, I am sorry, I know this is the shi$%, but I would start with being honest with your mom.

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I was honest with her. Over christmas I told her how I feel. I think hes only after her money.... in the time I have spent with him, and Coldstone can attest to this also, he has never opened his wallet for a thing. And for Christmas they decided to buy a telescope together.. my mother still spent like $300 more dollars on him .. and he bought her 0.. nothing..not even a sweater, or whatever.

Her only response to my honest opinion of him was that she's in love and asked if I didn't want her to be happy. She said "I can't be alone for the rest of my life"

Since their meeting I have seen a total change in her. She use to hate anything musy and romantic, now she shows and emails me poems he writes her everyday.

And he's totaly in control of her. She came up to see me in Novemeber and was required to call him at a certain time everyday, like some child or something... OH well... I guess it's her life and if she wants to screw it up then shes entitled to!

I did not think it would be appropriate in this sittuation.

I have a very shakey relationship with my family and am trying to do better. As usual they are all screwed up and I am the only sain one in the bunch. So yes, I can relate in these situations.

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Originally Posted by ttuPrincess

Thanks boys for your opinions... this is just a crappy situation all around....

Mart.. when I saw that you had replied I was almost worried to open it.... I expected soemthing like

"tell your mom to ditch the loser and get with me".... or i dont know something smart assie.... but you surprised me!!! LOL

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sorry girl, i dont want to sound harsh.............but kind in mind, im coming from the other side of the spectum...........i lost my mother when i was 17 years old...........i would give my right arm to spend another 5 minutes with her.........i would be there for her even if she was marring the scum of the earth.......thats your mother, regardless..........

You need to go...shes your mom...and she pays your rent and bills! You atleast owe her the respect of being their regardless.

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Originally Posted by Danielle

sorry girl, i dont want to sound harsh.............but kind in mind, im coming from the other side of the spectum...........i lost my mother when i was 17 years old...........i would give my right arm to spend another 5 minutes with her.........i would be there for her even if she was marring the scum of the earth.......thats your mother, regardless..........

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very good point...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Danielle

sorry girl, i dont want to sound harsh.............but kind in mind, im coming from the other side of the spectum...........i lost my mother when i was 17 years old...........i would give my right arm to spend another 5 minutes with her.........i would be there for her even if she was marring the scum of the earth.......thats your mother, regardless..........

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i understand.. and im sorry to hear about your loss....My mother is my best friend... or was untill this guy came between us. I want to be there for her

but in my defense.. and maybe this is my immaturity coming out.. I feel like if I go, Im saying Im ok with this guy.. and Im not

Maybe you should tell her how you feel, and then if things don't change you should go, because it will show her that you are there for her even when she makes crappy decisions. It will also bring you closer together when she leaves him in a couple months.

No you are not.
You are saying, I love you mom no matter what. That can never be bad.

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Originally Posted by ttuPrincess

i understand.. and im sorry to hear about your loss....My mother is my best friend... or was untill this guy came between us. I want to be there for her

but in my defense.. and maybe this is my immaturity coming out.. I feel like if I go, Im saying Im ok with this guy.. and Im not

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Princess,
I, understand where you are comming from sweetheart, and like danielle I too would give a limb to be able to spend 5 more minutes with my mother, And I'm sorry for your loss danielle.
Now, I don't understand why your boyfriend is unable to attend with you for moral support? She has to know that you tell him things and that if he remains in your life he already knows about the wedding,so why is he not allowed to attend?
If you have already spoken to your mother and she knows how you feel about her new husband to be then your attendence shows that eventhough you don't approve you are still a big enough person to be there for her and stand by her through good and bad times. She's an adult and I'm sure quite capable of making her own choices, good or bad, but she's also your mother and needs your support.
With that said if you still feel that by your attending this wedding you will be giving the impression that you approve then speak your mind! Let him know that you are there souly out of respect, support and love for your mother and not for him. Good Luck to you whatever you decide hun. And should you still decide not to go, that doesn't make you a bad child, or person.

Well I guess ya'll are right..... I have taking into account all that ya'll have said, and I will go.
After all I still have 3 months for all of this to fall through and my mother to open her eyes and see everything as it is!!!!! (I can hope right??)

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Originally Posted by ttuPrincess

I just wanted to know anyone elses opinion on it... am I being a bad daughter for not going??? Or am I justified???

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Justified... just because its your family doesnt mean its always right. Your grown up and figured out your own morals... etc.

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Originally Posted by ttuPrincess

Well I guess ya'll are right..... I have taking into account all that ya'll have said, and I will go.
After all I still have 3 months for all of this to fall through and my mother to open her eyes and see everything as it is!!!!! (I can hope right??)

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ill cross my fingers for you............hopefully she will change her mind..........

My best friend is going through the exact same thing. Her mom is getting married for the 7th time, and she wants my friend to be in the wedding. With all her heart she refused. And i respect her for it. It doesnt make you a bad daughter to stand up for what you believe in; so long as your convictions are valid. in this case they are. I support your decision....if it means anything to you.

good luck

It would be good if you could persuade her to delay the marriage for another 6 months, or a year . . . maybe in the duration she'll appreciate his qualities the way you do.

Otherwise . . .
On the one hand, suppose you were head-over-heels in love with a guy your mom disliked; wouldn't you like your mom to attend your wedding anyway?
On the other hand, you've been through 3 of these already, she can't expect you to go through very many more.

I'd expect she has some interesting reasons for wanting to marry this loser. It would be one thing if he was just a "boy toy" and asked "How high?" when she told him to jump. It sounds like he's just a controlling leech, and when seperation time comes, it's gonna hurt your mom an awful lot. It seems like your mom should be old enough to know what's coming, and if she's only deluding herself because she doesn't want to face the reality of the situation, she's gonna have to learn the hard way, in which case, you'll need to be ready when things go sour and she needs your help.

I'd say you'd be justified either way, go or stay, and your mom shouldn't complain whichever you choose. If it was me, I'd probably go . . . I'd refuse to be a taxi for the brats, though, but that's just me. The only way I like little children is if they're barbequed . . .
--Tock

your mom is a big girl ..she made up her mind.... just sit with her and have a talk. if she still ties the knot then you need to keep an eye out for her so this scumbag doesnt hurt her...
best of luck