I hate my life everything is horrible now

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 12:58 AM

I hate my life now things have gotton really out of hand. Here is what is wrong. I have to wake up for school everday at 6 am then right after school I have no time to rest and have to go to work and I dont get home from work until approx 10:20. Then its late and im tired and exausted and I have lot of homework to do and most of the time it is not getting done because Im just to dam tired to do it. I am getting lack of sleep because I have to wake up at 6 am again and the same **** starts over again not getting home till about 10:30. I have a gym membership and I havnt been able to go there for along time and if I do the most days in a week ive been able to go is 2 days on my days off of work and those days i get a horrible workout do to exaustion and lack of sleep on the other days. My grades have fallen I used to work out really good and lost alot of my hard earned gains of somewhat little I gained. Gas prices are up so its hard to afford things cause I pay my own bills. I run on little sleep everday its so unhealthy and I am tired during the day at work and school that I want to sleep all the time and its hard to concentrate on things. Basically my life is Sh*it right now and to be honest if i had a gun right now id be pretty dam tempted to aim it at my head and shot. I just had to get this out and blow off some steam as it is 11:05 right now and i am exausted and pissed off right now because I have a pile of homework and test for school tommorow and knowing i am so dam tired right now that its not gonna get done i will be lucky to get half of it done and if i do i wont get to bed till like 1 am then get 5 hours of crappy sleep. O yea then when I get home my dad bugs me to fix his F'n computer I try to be nice and help him out on it as he does not know very much but dam im about to fall apart. I felt so bad at work today probably due to lack of sleep and all this stress and **** that i felt like i was gonna puke and i still due right now a little bit. What even pisses me off is that I work at a resturant but many people think its fast food and they bitch at me that it took to long or that he got something on his burger and he didnt tell me not to put it on it so it was the customers fault not mine. All this things all are adding up and frankly im tired of it and i dont know how much more I can take. I am not saying I am going to commit suidide but sometimes i think about it often. I feel like saying F it all. Right now basically I wish I wasnt born and alive. As again I just had to blow off some steam as I have no one to talk to

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:02 AM

O yea and then sometimes my parents bitch about my room that its a mess and I get behind on my laundry and wants me to help carry some logs from a huge tree he cut. Dam what more to people F'n expect no i know in person realized what crap i am going though. And since I am always gone at work I dont even get a decent dinner anymore just the fast food crap of TV dinners or once in awhile there will be some left overs but he left overs are so small portions that it doesnt even fill me up all. I cant take this **** any longer

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:07 AM

Sorry last post I dont even have time for friends anymore and not even a chance for a girlfriend as I would not be able to spend time with her. I thought senior year and being 18 was suppost to be one of the best times in your life but its the exact opposite for me I really hope things change but i doubt it

**Hitman** · 03-16-2004, 01:17 AM

Sounds like your over comitting your self mate? How much longer till your finished with school, cause im thinking give the gym a miss and finish the schooling then get the **** into prospective and hit the weights again. I hear what ya saying , theres never enough hours in the day eh.........Hitman

**Lostsoul** · 03-16-2004, 01:22 AM

There are 3 little words I live by when I'm at work, and have to deal with assholes... say this to yourself or whisper it out loud, but make sure you believe it

"I DON'T CARE"

I also think your over comitting yourself, how long have you been doing this routine? If you havent been doing it that long, then your body will probably adjust to the lack of sleep, I've known people that go from 9 hour a night sleepers to 5, just because thats what they have to do, and the body adjusts.

Good luck with it mate, stay in school, it'll all be worth it in the end.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:28 AM

graduation is june 7th and i cant fail any classes and i already have 2 D's because of this crap and If i dont graduate i will be a disgrace to my family and friends as I have known alot of my friends since primary and even one guy since preschool. I wanted to get in good shape for summer and me not workin out is just throwing my hard earned money down the drain that I paid for a gym membership. Basically Im stuck and confused and just wish I wasnt born. Ive been late for school recently because of this and have gotton detention on top of all this other crap. Basically everything you can think of go wrong I have that going on my life. I can barley stay awake in class and I walk aroudn tired sometimes feeling like im drunk. I just wish everything would change because right now I wish i wasnt born. Basically I have figured this out from 6am school and working together till i get home is 16hrs and 30 min then I have to go home and try to do my school work wich in most cases fails and i fall aslseep on the couch of my bed at like 1 so i sleep 5 hours and hell starts over again

**Hitman** · 03-16-2004, 01:35 AM

Well it sounds like your getting a dose of depression and i bet it from the lack of sleep. Just remember going to the gym to get in shape isint the be all and end all, there is more to life and at the moment your schooling is the most important. Is it possible to talk to your parents about cutting your work hours back and have them cover you for a bit just till after graduation? is that an option. Eventually something has to give and mate id hate for it to be your health, trust me ive been there and still suffering the consequences(sp) via meds. Just take a step back and think to yourself what matters the most?, good luck............Hitman

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:35 AM

O yea and for no apprant reason My car insurance bill just went up 2 bucks every month so im paying 128 bucks per month on car insurance and 22 bucks a week on gasoline. Cant workout anymore with friends or try to get a girlfriend. So basically I cant even save money cause its all going towards other things. I have to get my oil changed this month and i cant wait any longer cause its been to long anyways since its been changed I have to put transmission fluid in my car as it is low and I have oil leaking from my car so i will have to check that it is not low. O yea I have to get my tires rotated as I havnt roatated them since I had the car. When am i gonna find this time to get all this done its just not possible. I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out before I graduate as I will no loner have health insurance so I will have to pay for my contacts out of my own pocket and im almost out already. With EVERYTHING i have mentioned in all these posts it is all adding up and taking its toll and frankly if there was a another terroist atttack in the united states i wish i would be in it so i wouldnt deal with all this.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:38 AM

dont get all fraked out i know im going insane but what do you excpet with all this crap in my life (and no im not gonna kill myself although i wish i could but im not going to). what i meant was that if there was a another terrorist me being in it as in me being a victim (blow up) then maybe i could have some F'n Peace.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:41 AM

i might try to cut some work hrs but then Paying bills will be extremly difficult if possible and i will have no money left overs so then again im screwed caue with no money cant do anything with friends and go out and have fun. Either way im screwed. In my opinion money could buy me happiness and frankly both of those is something i dont have

**grey_blue_white_red** · 03-16-2004, 01:44 AM

tryingtogain, if your life is that bad, why don't you pack your bags and fly to the middle east where people are being shot at and have curfews that don't allow them to leave their houses in order to try to get to school.

What I'm saying is that you should appriciate the opportunity you've been givin in this life that you can go through your day without your life being threatened and work your ass off while you are young and have the energy. There are no second chances in life and unless you build a foundation now, you will be working until your 85, 90 or dead, if you are lucky to find work at all.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:51 AM

ok gray blue wrong analogy i used sorry what i meant is i wish i wasnt born i will stop posting now and just listen to advice because i know me posting and bitching is just going to annoy everyone and not going to slove anything

**helios** · 03-16-2004, 01:51 AM

Bro I can empathize with your situation, as Hitman said- something has got to give. You have to sit down with your parents and discuss this with them. Explain to them that work is taking a toll on your schooling and it will result with you not graduating.

If you dont mind me asking, why are you paying for your own bills right now? It might sound drastic, but if your parents aren't hearing you maybe your guidance councelor can assist you in explaining to them that you cannot take this much of a load.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:54 AM

my parents dont help me on my bills because they belive i have to learn to pay them on my own is there explanation and not to rely on them. The real deal is that they are to dam cheap. They might chip in 5 bucks for gas everyother week but thats a spit in the bucket.

**tryingtogain** · 03-16-2004, 01:56 AM

i appreciat you all readin this as i might sound like a whiner but i just had to get this all out and tell it to someone

**rambo** · 03-16-2004, 01:57 AM

Look bro. I don't want to come off as a dick, but I probably will. Suck it the **** up and do it. People have been much worse off than you. You have parents, you have a house, a car, and a fully functional body. In high school I played 3 sports year round, worked 35 hrs a week, pulled double shifts on weekends at 12 hrs a piece, and had no parents, paid 250 monthly for car insurance since I had no cosigners, and spent four of the best years of my life doing it. Why? Because I had to. Now that I'm better off I WILL NEVER FORGET having to steal food to eat, i WILL NEVER FORGET scraping by leaning on friends for food or places to stay, and I WILL NEVER look at money the same. I WILL NEVER forget having to be picked up out of handcuffs so many times I can't count. I am so much stronger for what I had to do it's unbelievable. You are not the only one going through this. I'm not going to tell you a bunch of horror stories about my life, because they don't matter. It's being able to get through this that matters. This is hardship. This builds character. This will make you a better person. Count the things you have. If you don't have to work, then DONT. It's not worth it if it's not necessary. If you have to work then do it, and get through it. Your graduation is near. push through this and prove to yourself this is **** that you can do. You'll always be able to look back at hardship and see yourself overcome, but you will never forget it if you give up now.

***BIG TEXAN*** · 03-16-2004, 02:00 AM

Hmmmmm....we each think we are so unlucky and miserable. You need to find something to cut back on....sacrifice somethign you don't need at least until after graduation. School is the most important thing in your life right now and bills and what not can wait believe it or not. You need to sit down, take a deep breath and look at the big picture, there;s got to be something that gives here. I'm sure if you sit down with your folks and explained everything to them, they'd help....

**Tock** · 03-16-2004, 03:36 AM

Figure out your priorities, divide up your time accordingly.
If I was you, I'd make darn sure I was gonna graduate. No way would I want to spend another year in the school system. If you gotta cut back on work hours, do it. Once you're done with school, there will be plenty of time to work.

But basically, it seems that you're overworked and stressed out, and depressed as well, and you need to cut back on something. A consolation in all this is the probability that if you added workouts to your current load, you probably wouldn't benefit due to lack of sufficient rest. So.

Yah, if you look at all the movies and stuff, high school is supposed to be one of the high points of life. But in reality, most suicides are teenagers, and teenagers are disproportionately depressed as well. So the truth more often than not is that the teen years are hell compared with everything that follows.

I know that things seem awful right now, maybe even hopeless. But here's what will get you through the immediate quagmire . . . (1) Concentrate on finishing school. Everything else is secondary, including your job. (2) Get enough rest. Teenagers need more sleep than adults (you folks may or may not agree, so just do what you can). (3) Resign yourself to a barren social life until the end of school. It's just a few months, you can do it. (4) When you do stuff around the house, make sure your folks know about it. I say this because if your folks need/want you to pay your own way around the house, the more "drama" you can surround the sucessful completion of a task means the more "brownie points" you get. (This principle also works with employers). (5) Resign yourself to being poor for the next few months. It's just part of what ya gotta do until you finish school. Then you can get a regular job, you won't have to mess with books, you'll have more time to spend at the gym and with friends.

Ya, it'll be tough for the next few months, but I'm sure you can do it.

Be like a shirt in your closet and "hang in there . . ."
Take care, & best wishes,
--Tock

**Animal Cracker** · 03-16-2004, 03:40 AM

Tock gave good advice!

**Skin-and-Bone** · 03-16-2004, 04:00 AM

For someone who is feeling depressed, telling them how they're "better off than some people", or should "suck it up", is meaningless. Not everyone is as strong as you physically or emotionally. Some people have more difficulty coping with the same pressures, so it's better just to offer a possible solution. With the timeframe you're dealing with (a few months), there's no point in ditching the car and/or the gym membership as I was going to suggest, so you might as well just follow Tock's advice, and keep in mind that if you can just hold yourself together until you get to the finish line, you'll be ok.

**Want2GetHuge** · 03-16-2004, 04:05 AM

Yeah, good advice! Like others have said, it could be a LOT worse, I know it's gotta be hard - I'm SURE it is... I've been in a very similar situation and right now, i am financially F***** myself. I had a little girl (whom I love with ALL of my heart) right out of high school that totally f'd my college plans up, had to move out and struggle like a MOFO, but ALWAYS, ALWAYS, realized it could be MUCH worse!! Like one of the other guys said, you could be in the mid east getting shot at everyday, you could be living in a wheelchair, paralyzed, maybe even with no limbs having to be fed by someone and watched and cared for 24-7. You could have no parents and no job living on the street (not nearly as bad as the former) but you get the message. I have to say 2 things that are almost in a way contradictory but not really - looking at your situation. 1 - I really do feel for you and I am sorry for you and wish you the best!! but 2 - Stop having a d@mn pity party for yourself because it only makes things WORSE... TRUST ME. You don't have it THAT bad, believe it or not.. suck it up man... IT'S NOT GOING TO LAST THAT MUCH LONGER... REMEMBER THAT!!!!! I say that out of kindness and love for a struggling bro. Keep us posted and God bless you!

**Want2GetHuge** · 03-16-2004, 04:07 AM

skin and bone.. I do agree with your post. I was actually in the process of posting mine when you posted yours or I probably wouldn't have went into the scenarios. ALSO, for some, it DOES help to be put into check on how bad others have it!

**TPAK** · 03-16-2004, 04:35 AM

Bro look at it all as a learning experience. I had all the same problems growing up. My parents didn't have the cash. If I wanted a car, I had to be able to afford it. I had a job working construction from 9th grade just to buy my school clothes. But all in all I think it was a wonderful experience. I hated it at the time because I had a no life but it has made me a better person. I see friends of mine who's parents gave them everything struggling in life now. Some are even still relying on them to help with there bills and my friends are in there 30's!!! Just a though but what if you parked the car and took it off the road. Would your parents drive you back and forth to work. Then you couls save some cash and put it back on the road after summer. Hang in there bro. It will all turn out for the better.

**SwoleCat** · 03-16-2004, 07:58 AM

Originally Posted by helios

Bro I can empathize with your situation, as Hitman said- something has got to give. You have to sit down with your parents and discuss this with them. Explain to them that work is taking a toll on your schooling and it will result with you not graduating.

If you dont mind me asking, why are you paying for your own bills right now? It might sound drastic, but if your parents aren't hearing you maybe your guidance councelor can assist you in explaining to them that you cannot take this much of a load.

Platinum!

Gotta tell the parents and open up the lines of communication. Perhaps your guidance counselor can help by reminding your parents you are a STUDENT, and your first priority is learning/grades/graduation. Sounds as if you're being thrown into the work-world w/no regard for your education, and that's **** sad.

~SC~

~SC~

**Commando_Barbi** · 03-16-2004, 08:10 AM

The guys all gave you some sound advice, so there isn't much I can add. As a parent however, I would want you to come talk to me and let me know that you are feeling this way. Too many teens end up way too stressed out and end up hurting themselves. Have you tried to tell them that you are feeling overwhelmed and could use a little help to get through the next couple months? Remind them that you have taken care of yourself all this time, but everyone needs a little boost now and then.
Some of your AR brothers have been in a spot where even as adults they needed a little help to get through.....mentally and financially.

Be honest with your parents. Nothing gained without trying. If that doesn't work, then the guidance counselor is a definite option.

Be strong...C.B.

**tryingtogain** · 03-17-2004, 12:02 AM

Thank you for everyone who read and responded i really appreciate it. I will read what you all wrote when i get up tommorow morning because im so tired that i cant stay awake any longer. thanks again

**chicamahomico** · 03-17-2004, 01:03 AM

I have to agree with what rambo said. Its your life and only you know waht you want to accomplish. Once you've made the decision to do what needs to be done, step outside yourself and stick to that decision.

Originally Posted by rambo

Look bro. I don't want to come off as a dick, but I probably will. Suck it the **** up and do it. People have been much worse off than you. You have parents, you have a house, a car, and a fully functional body. In high school I played 3 sports year round, worked 35 hrs a week, pulled double shifts on weekends at 12 hrs a piece, and had no parents, paid 250 monthly for car insurance since I had no cosigners, and spent four of the best years of my life doing it. Why? Because I had to. Now that I'm better off I WILL NEVER FORGET having to steal food to eat, i WILL NEVER FORGET scraping by leaning on friends for food or places to stay, and I WILL NEVER look at money the same. I WILL NEVER forget having to be picked up out of handcuffs so many times I can't count. I am so much stronger for what I had to do it's unbelievable. You are not the only one going through this. I'm not going to tell you a bunch of horror stories about my life, because they don't matter. It's being able to get through this that matters. This is hardship. This builds character. This will make you a better person. Count the things you have. If you don't have to work, then DONT. It's not worth it if it's not necessary. If you have to work then do it, and get through it. Your graduation is near. push through this and prove to yourself this is **** that you can do. You'll always be able to look back at hardship and see yourself overcome, but you will never forget it if you give up now.