ok, thought y'all would want to hear about what an interesting weekend I had....
so it all starts after i get off work at 11 am on friday. i go to wal-mart b/c i'm out of rubbers and i'm about to get laid before i leave town at 3 pm that same afternoon (by the chick that kev, jenna, and jason met). why the hell do they have to put the condoms right next to the pharmacy section where there's always people getting pills / prescriptions, so there's always a line. i feel like a jack-ass walkin up and checkin out the wall of rubbers, cause everyone knows exactly what you're doin now. so i stood in the end of another isle and kind of hid where no one could see me and get a peek at the ones i wanted. i figured i'd find the ones, then walk up and grab them, and bolt. so i did that - it took me about 10 min to get the guts to do it. ok, so i made it around all the people in that section w/o being too embarassed. now i'm thinkin "shit, i still gotta go buy a cashier with these. what if a dude's not workin??" so i say fuck it and proceed to the candy section, peek around to make sure there aren't any camera boxes on the ceiling within view and open the box up and stuff the rubs in my beltline. i then leave the store....
anyways, ended up gettin laid that afternoon, plus i got a little bit of stuff on video. you know, somethin to tell the grandkids about.
ok, so that's friday afternoon. i was supposed to go out of town and go to Ft. Worth for a wedding on Sat. night. to make a long story short, i didn't go up there on friday b/c i didn't feel like sittin around waiting all day saturday at my "date's" house. (although i could have gotten laid by her that same night, i chose to stay at home and go out with some of my boys). my "date" is an ex of mine.
fast forward to saturday evening. we're at the wedding (were a little late b/c of the chick i was with, damn bitch). she's pounding glasses of white zinfandel at the reception - i think she might have killed about 2 bottles herself, i dunno. she's all hammered. near the end of the reception she's by herself, and this dude starts talkin to her. then i see him pull out his cell phone so i'm thinkin "what the fuck" and go over. that bastard was tryin to get her digits, so to make this story short, i stepped in and took my girl away.
more fast forwarding - 12:30 am, we arrive home at her place. we go into her room, she goes pottie, comes out and lays in bed with me in her undies. we start messin around, nothin major, and then she's complainin her stomach hurts, so she rolls over. i say to myself "fuck it, she ain't worth it" and roll over and go to sleep. i wake up around 1:20 or so and notice she's not there next to me. i hear something comin from the kitchen, so i get up and walk in there. as soon as i got in there, i smelled this stench like no other. i walked over to the sink and there was SHIT, yes, SHIT ! in the sink, and little on the edge. she was gettin a capri sun out of the fridge and put the straw in it. she was like "what the hell's that" (remember now, she's wasted). she puts the capri sun on the counter (w/o drinking it) and goes back to bed. i went back to bed myself. her roommate comes home at like 2, and i get up b/c she can't get in the place b/c the door's locked. she comes in and smells the stench, i tell her what happened, we laughed forever, went to bed.
turns out the bitch woke up (was sleep walking or something) and was still wasted and plopped her ass up on the counter and took a fuckin shit in the sink. why ? i have no idea. but it's funny as hell and gross at the same time. don't think i'll be talkin to her anymore....