My weekend.....

[KeyMastur]

ok, thought y'all would want to hear about what an interesting weekend I had....

so it all starts after i get off work at 11 am on friday. i go to wal-mart b/c i'm out of rubbers and i'm about to get laid before i leave town at 3 pm that same afternoon (by the chick that kev, jenna, and jason met). why the hell do they have to put the condoms right next to the pharmacy section where there's always people getting pills / prescriptions, so there's always a line. i feel like a jack-ass walkin up and checkin out the wall of rubbers, cause everyone knows exactly what you're doin now. so i stood in the end of another isle and kind of hid where no one could see me and get a peek at the ones i wanted. i figured i'd find the ones, then walk up and grab them, and bolt. so i did that - it took me about 10 min to get the guts to do it. ok, so i made it around all the people in that section w/o being too embarassed. now i'm thinkin "shit, i still gotta go buy a cashier with these. what if a dude's not workin??" so i say fuck it and proceed to the candy section, peek around to make sure there aren't any camera boxes on the ceiling within view and open the box up and stuff the rubs in my beltline. i then leave the store....

anyways, ended up gettin laid that afternoon, plus i got a little bit of stuff on video. you know, somethin to tell the grandkids about.

ok, so that's friday afternoon. i was supposed to go out of town and go to Ft. Worth for a wedding on Sat. night. to make a long story short, i didn't go up there on friday b/c i didn't feel like sittin around waiting all day saturday at my "date's" house. (although i could have gotten laid by her that same night, i chose to stay at home and go out with some of my boys). my "date" is an ex of mine.

fast forward to saturday evening. we're at the wedding (were a little late b/c of the chick i was with, damn bitch). she's pounding glasses of white zinfandel at the reception - i think she might have killed about 2 bottles herself, i dunno. she's all hammered. near the end of the reception she's by herself, and this dude starts talkin to her. then i see him pull out his cell phone so i'm thinkin "what the fuck" and go over. that bastard was tryin to get her digits, so to make this story short, i stepped in and took my girl away.

more fast forwarding - 12:30 am, we arrive home at her place. we go into her room, she goes pottie, comes out and lays in bed with me in her undies. we start messin around, nothin major, and then she's complainin her stomach hurts, so she rolls over. i say to myself "fuck it, she ain't worth it" and roll over and go to sleep. i wake up around 1:20 or so and notice she's not there next to me. i hear something comin from the kitchen, so i get up and walk in there. as soon as i got in there, i smelled this stench like no other. i walked over to the sink and there was SHIT, yes, SHIT ! in the sink, and little on the edge. she was gettin a capri sun out of the fridge and put the straw in it. she was like "what the hell's that" (remember now, she's wasted). she puts the capri sun on the counter (w/o drinking it) and goes back to bed. i went back to bed myself. her roommate comes home at like 2, and i get up b/c she can't get in the place b/c the door's locked. she comes in and smells the stench, i tell her what happened, we laughed forever, went to bed.

turns out the bitch woke up (was sleep walking or something) and was still wasted and plopped her ass up on the counter and took a fuckin shit in the sink. why ? i have no idea. but it's funny as hell and gross at the same time. don't think i'll be talkin to her anymore....

[GenuinePL]

LMAO.
That's some funny and fu**ed up SHIT LOL

[bigkev]

WTF!!!!!!!! is that the chick that went out with us?????

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by bigkev
WTF!!!!!!!! is that the chick that went out with us?????

not the shitter....no, that was an old girl of mine.

[RON]

shit that's funny. My bro was sleep walking after a party and pissed all over my bros floor once. This is even better though

[bigkev]

holy SHIT bro!

[ptbyjason]

It sounds like you should have stuck with the girl we met. I bet she never shits in the sink.

[EXCESS]

Whats wrong with shitting in the sink?

[Billy Boy]

gross

[dane26]

did she wipe her ass with paper towels or not even bother?

[GenuinePL]

Originally posted by dane26
did she wipe her ass with paper towels or not even bother?

That's a good question, considering that you said that she went back to BED.

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by dane26
did she wipe her ass with paper towels or not even bother?

that, i have no idea. i came in after it was done. all i know is i crawled in bed, let her sleep under her own blanket, and i had my own, and moved to one side of the bed....took me a while to get back to sleep b/c i was still laughing about it...

[Cali]

I would have opted for the couch in a room far away from her AND the sink! That's nasty....

[MBaraso]

Lmao that's fkn sick. You should tell her friends what she did lol

M

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by Cali
I would have opted for the couch in a room far away from her AND the sink! That's nasty....

there wasn't - the shit and the couch were in the same room. i was as far away from it as possible. only choice i had was the other side of the bed and under my own blankets....ugh...gives me the heebie geebies...

[GenuinePL]

I would tell the bitc* to go home. Walk home and don't come back.

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by GenuinePL
I would tell the bitc* to go home. Walk home and don't come back.

How am I gonna tell her to go home when we're at her place ???? Ain't no way I was gonna sleep in the car - it was freezin outside.

[superbeast]

That is hilarious. Key, your lucky she didn't just sh*t in the bed with you.

One of my good friends let another friend sleep at his place when they were really drunk. Friend A is in bed with his girlfriend and friend B is sleeping on the floor. B pisses himself and soaks the floor. Decides its kinda wet and climbs in bed with A and his girl. B decides to puke on A's girl. Needless to say, B was no longer allowed to stay at A's.

[Cali]

Originally posted by superbeast
That is hilarious. Key, your lucky she didn't just sh*t in the bed with you.

One of my good friends let another friend sleep at his place when they were really drunk. Friend A is in bed with his girlfriend and friend B is sleeping on the floor. B pisses himself and soaks the floor. Decides its kinda wet and climbs in bed with A and his girl. B decides to puke on A's girl. Needless to say, B was no longer allowed to stay at A's.

Tell me you weren't one of the above letters....

[Cali]

And Key...you stole rubbers??? What happened to men strutting up to the counter with the "I'm getting laid" grin on their face?? Stand proud big guy!! Get the big 36 pack economy size!!!! And then make a comment about "I'll be back after the weekend for more.." LOL

[primodonna]

That's what my first thought was...everyone just blew past the stealing of the condoms to the shitting in the sink

It's not like you were getting the extra small size....or was that the real reason why you were embarrassed?

[Cali]

Originally posted by primodonna
It's not like you were getting the extra small size....or was that the real reason why you were embarrassed?

You might be on to something....

[Mighty Duck]

KM, that's friggin hillarious!

A friend from work was gettin busy with a chick, ans she shit in the bed! The only thing worse is, he figured it was a mistake and took her home the next night for round 2. SHE DID IT AGAIN!
I've heard of screwing the shit out of somebody, but geez

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by primodonna
It's not like you were getting the extra small size....or was that the real reason why you were embarrassed?

haha..hell no, i get the Magnum XL's....

[Tobey]

[superbeast]

No, Cali.
i'm not one of the letters.

[superbeast]

For some reason, there is always a little embarrassment. Not sure why though.

Another good one.
Friend A from above lived across the street from a grocery store. This girl he was hooking up with stops by. He doesn't have condoms so he runs across the street to get a box. He gets to the counter and looks up at his girlfriend's mother. She was a manager at the store. That's something to be embarrassed about.

[PaPaPumP]

Well, at least you got some Friday. Big pimpin, spending G's.

[GenuinePL]

Originally posted by superbeast

Another good one.
Friend A from above lived across the street from a grocery store. This girl he was hooking up with stops by. He doesn't have condoms so he runs across the street to get a box. He gets to the counter and looks up at his girlfriend's mother. She was a manager at the store. That's something to be embarrassed about.

LMAO, That's when you know that you're fu*ked. But you should know by now that your girls mother works there.

[Jenna]

Originally posted by ptbyjason
It sounds like you should have stuck with the girl we met. I bet she never shits in the sink.

I was gonna say - she didn't look like the type that would do that......

[Full Intensity]

[superbeast]

Hey Jenna,

Can you really tell by a person's looks whether or not they are the type to take a shit in the sink or not? From my experience, it is hard to tell!

[Jenna]

Well, what I meant by that is - she looked like she had a little bit of integrity. I would assume a person with class wouldn't relieve themselves in a sink. That's just disgusting.

The girl KeyMastur had with him when we went out seemed classy and seemed like she had respect for herself.

[Pete235]

Originally posted by KeyMastur
Ain't no way I was gonna sleep in the car - it was freezin outside.

Ok ok ok.....just HOW cold was it in Houston , TX that night? If it wasn't less than 32 F, then my ass would have taken the blankets to the car Then again...I AM CANADIAN!!

[Cali]

I think I would have gone to the car anyway...can't be that cold in Texas can it??

[KeyMastur]

Originally posted by Pete235
just HOW cold was it in Houston , TX that night?

nah, wasn't close to 32. maybe 50 or so, but i hate when it's even that cold. i gotta stop thinking about this cause i'm already scarred for life.

[Pete235]

Originally posted by KeyMastur


nah, wasn't close to 32. maybe 50 or so, but i hate when it's even that cold.

50!!?? Jesus...I would have been sleeping on the lawn in my underwear if it were that warm!!

j/k....I guess it's all about what you're acustomed to. Regardless, that is one messed up story....but definately entertaining and funny

[Cali]

Originally posted by Pete235


50!!?? Jesus...I would have been sleeping on the lawn in my underwear if it were that warm!!

Kind of what I was thinking!

[superbeast]

I was just kidding, Jenna.

[Jenna]

Originally posted by superbeast
I was just kidding, Jenna.

I know.