Search More Than 6,000,000 Posts
Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Ozzy's Avatar
    Ozzy is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    You don't need to know

    Womans Workout Week.........lmao

    Woman's Workout Week

    If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with
    you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a
    regular workout routine.

    Dear Diary:

    For my 40th birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of
    personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
    great shape since being a member of the high school bowling team, I decided

    it would be a good idea to give it a try. I called the health club and made
    my reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified
    himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing

    and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.

    The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


    Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed but found it was well
    worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He
    is something of a Greek God - with blonde hair, dancing eyes, a dazzling
    white smile and a deep sexy voice. Woo Hoo! Bruce gave me a tour and showed

    me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He
    alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to

    in his lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed the skillful way in which he
    conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Bruce
    was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from

    holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC
    week, I am already planning to join!


    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce
    me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put
    on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full
    mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT, it's a
    whole new life for me!


    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter

    and moving my mouth back and forth over it, my **** arms hurt too bad to do
    it the regular way. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving to
    the club was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of

    a GEO in the club parking lot because I could not pull my leg up to brake.
    Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
    members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and
    when he scolds me, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My

    hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why

    would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by
    elevators? Bruce told me this would help me get in shape and enjoy life.

    Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
    cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
    hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out
    with the dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the women's
    room. He sent Lana (the bitch) to find me, as punishment he put me on the
    rowing machine, which I sank.


    I hate Bruce more than any being has ever hated any other human being in
    history of mankind! Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was
    part of my body that could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him
    with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my
    triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
    don't hand me the #!*%!*$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a
    twinky. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and
    graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on
    health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
    like the drama coach or the choir director?


    Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
    wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want

    smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
    use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the Weather

    Channel from the couch.< BR>


    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
    GOD that this week from Hell is over. I will also pray that next year my
    husband will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root canal or a

  2. #2
    Prime's Avatar
    Prime is offline Naturally perfect
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Tropical England
    Hmmm, i work in a gym and this sounds right on the money for alot of people. Except i cant think of a single over 40 woman who has come in two times in the same week let alone 5!

  3. #3
    ttuPrincess Guest
    I think that is how my friends think of me when they start training with me.. I can be brutal on that cardio stuff

  4. #4
    juicehoe's Avatar
    juicehoe is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    the gym
    yes i too have had all my friends that workout with me start to hate me lol

  5. #5
    omen78's Avatar
    omen78 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Charm City
    thats sooo funny. Sounds just like my wife !!!!!!! lol

  6. #6
    Benches505's Avatar
    Benches505 is offline 75% HGH 25% Testosterone
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    I can't keep a regular partner working out for long before they start with the I'm too sore or feeling ill stories. I solved this by rounding up all of my friends and making them get memberships.. By the time I get to the 6th or 7th person on the phone list someone agrees to come with me.

  7. #7
    JDMSilviaSpecR's Avatar
    JDMSilviaSpecR is offline Vicious With Malicious Intent
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Out of Control
    Wow, that's some story

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts