Thread: Womans Workout Week.........lmao
04-10-2004, 05:47 AM #1
Womans Workout Week.........lmao
Woman's Workout Week
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with
you. This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.
For my 40th birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
great shape since being a member of the high school bowling team, I decided
it would be a good idea to give it a try. I called the health club and made
my reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified
himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing
and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He
is something of a Greek God - with blonde hair, dancing eyes, a dazzling
white smile and a deep sexy voice. Woo Hoo! Bruce gave me a tour and showed
me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He
alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to
in his lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed the skillful way in which he
conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Bruce
was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC
week, I am already planning to join!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce
me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put
on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full
mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT, it's a
whole new life for me!
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it, my **** arms hurt too bad to do
it the regular way. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving to
the club was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of
a GEO in the club parking lot because I could not pull my leg up to brake.
Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and
when he scolds me, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My
hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why
would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by
elevators? Bruce told me this would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out
with the dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the women's
room. He sent Lana (the bitch) to find me, as punishment he put me on the
rowing machine, which I sank.
I hate Bruce more than any being has ever hated any other human being in
history of mankind! Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was
part of my body that could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him
with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my
triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
don't hand me the #!*%!*$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a
twinky. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and
graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
like the drama coach or the choir director?
Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want
smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel from the couch.< BR>
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
GOD that this week from Hell is over. I will also pray that next year my
husband will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root canal or a
04-10-2004, 08:12 AM #2
Hmmm, i work in a gym and this sounds right on the money for alot of people. Except i cant think of a single over 40 woman who has come in two times in the same week let alone 5!
04-10-2004, 08:33 AM #3ttuPrincess Guest
I think that is how my friends think of me when they start training with me.. I can be brutal on that cardio stuff
04-10-2004, 10:47 AM #4
yes i too have had all my friends that workout with me start to hate me lol
04-11-2004, 11:01 AM #5
thats sooo funny. Sounds just like my wife !!!!!!! lol
04-11-2004, 11:16 AM #6
I can't keep a regular partner working out for long before they start with the I'm too sore or feeling ill stories. I solved this by rounding up all of my friends and making them get memberships.. By the time I get to the 6th or 7th person on the phone list someone agrees to come with me.
04-11-2004, 11:50 AM #7
Wow, that's some story
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