Booty Call 101. Class, take your seats.
THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the ____ day of _________, 2002, by _________________________________, between _________________________ and _________________________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public – except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM – we do not have shit to talk about.
4. None of that “love making” bullshit – only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions – Ex.: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is no, so don’t ask.
6. No plans made in advance – that is why you are called the “backup” unless you are from out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted – money is always good.
8. No baby talk – however, dirty talk is strongly encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers – it’s really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other “friends with benefits” – we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK – don’t be offended.
12. No extra clothing – I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex – it’s over, so get your ass up and go home.
14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask you if you enjoyed it – I don’t really give a shit.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason!
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: “My roommates girlfriend/boyfriend.”
17. Doggie style is required – just hit it hard and right or get the hell out of my house!
18. Reason for doggie style: The less eye contact – the better. I don’t want to look at you, just fuck you.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME – so don’t keep calling.
20. The most important one – no condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass on home if you can’t follow this one.
21. Bring your own drinks. I am not your liquor store.
22. No phone use will be allowed for any reason. I don’t want anyone calling back looking for your busted ass.
**** EXTRA TIP FOR A SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALL ****
The holder of this agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any of the terms listed in this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be moved off of the “Booty Call List”, deleted from phone memory, and cease to exist by the holder of this Agreement until your silly ass understands all of the rules located within this Agreement.
Participating Parties:
Signature: __________________________________________________ __________
Date: _____________
Signature: __________________________________________________ __________
Date: _____________
