Depression after cycles....

**Slypknot** · 09-13-2004, 09:14 PM

Hey folks... yea I know... I've been away for QUITE sometime. I think being single after being married for 6yrs kinda threw me for a loop... ANYWAY...on to my question....

Depression.

My cycle history isn't too intense. I've run about 4 of them in 2 years, however I think I kinda messed myself up on this last run (yea, influenced by a chick...go ahead and scold me). I ran Fina/Prop for 10 weeks, was off for only 5 weeks, then ran another Test Enth (500mg) for 8 weeks until my personality was scaring off even my closest friends....then I quit everything all together.

I'm now 6 weeks out...and lemme tell ya, I am SERIOUSLY depressed. It's not like I've experienced before. My gut ACHES with pain... all I can think about is how my life is useless, what I don't have, what I've lost, what I can't have and what I'll never succeed at doing.... basically, classic depression.

My question is, and I know most of you have dealt with this, is - how long will this go on?? In the past I've dealt with crashing from Deca /Sust...but nothing this severe. I know it's my own stupid fault. I got caught up in the gains and when I started crashing from Fina/Prop I jumped on another cycle... stupid stupid... Live and learn I suppose.

So for those who have made this same stupid mistake... how long did ya wanna just cry 24/7? I'm hoping I only have a couple more weeks of this and I'll be in the clear... I think this time around I'm gonna continue training natural for another 6 months and then 'consider' running another Test/Fina cycle. Till then, I just wanna get through this misery...safely...

**smhart75** · 09-13-2004, 09:18 PM

sorry to hear how you feel bro, hope things get better for ya!!!!

**MotoLifter** · 09-13-2004, 09:20 PM

Hey bro, you'll get though it. I had somthing similar, life just fell apart. But it is always 100X better after its all over. Learn from the mistake and put it behind you. There are plenty of people here to help.

**mma10** · 09-13-2004, 09:25 PM

all I can think about is how my life is useless, what I don't have, what I've lost, what I can't have and what I'll never succeed at doing.... basically, classic depression.

WoW!! thats funny, i feel that way when i smoke weed for some reason...

**Slypknot** · 09-13-2004, 11:22 PM

Greetz bro's..... I appreciate the humor as well as the simple fact that atleast one person, MotoLifter, atleast relates to where I'm at. I too feel similar when I smoke weed, but this is different. I realize that I'm packed full of estrogen, and I try to keep that in the forefront of my mind when I feel down and out....but at times it gets rediculous.

I just realized tonight....I can only watch horror, scifi or comedy movies.... I watched some ****ty drama, Hildago, and pretty much sobbed through the entire thing.

Jesus....there's a reason why we should ALL go TIME ON = TIME OFF. I will never repeat this same mistake again.... Sigh...

**ogar** · 09-14-2004, 05:21 AM

one word brother=clonazapam, or lorazapam any of the pams!! good stuff good on liver to

**jesse_james** · 09-14-2004, 05:43 AM

i tend to feel like that at the end of my cycles, youll come throught it tho in no time.

**jesse_james** · 09-14-2004, 05:44 AM

Originally Posted by ogar

one word brother=clonazapam, or lorazapam any of the pams!! good stuff good on liver to

i dont recommend anti-deppressants, they are addictive, hes better of gettin thro this on his own without the help of pills

**seanw** · 09-14-2004, 07:45 AM

Mate I lost my three and a half year old daughter to a brain tunour six years ago, I have been though a divorce and I have been almost bankrupt. I am now happier than I have ever been, There is always, and I mean ALWAYS, light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there, you will be OK

**symatech** · 09-14-2004, 07:51 AM

thats how i felt at the end of my cycle. the best advice i can give you is to keep hitting the gym, keep your diet up and maintain the weight. because when your hormones are balanced and you feel good again, you'll be depressed if you loose the gains.

**Monkeytown** · 09-14-2004, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by seanw

Mate I lost my three and a half year old daughter to a brain tunour six years ago, I have been though a divorce and I have been almost bankrupt. I am now happier than I have ever been, There is always, and I mean ALWAYS, light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there, you will be OK

Dude, mucho props on making it through all of that $hit. I don't know that I could have made it!!

**grizzlywintergreen75** · 09-14-2004, 08:30 AM

Everything will all balance back out soon.......just hang in there.

**Slypknot** · 09-14-2004, 04:17 PM

Thx bro's... I feel much better today... it's weird, one day I'm up and the next I'm sobbing watching the simpsons.

I've kept up my diet, keep hitting the gym (to get rid of the anger, another weird affect) and am tryin to remember: ALL THIS PAIN IS FREAK'N WORTH IT! I've gone through a divorce after 10yrs of being with the same woman, am 32, am under audit for 2yrs worth of taxes and just recently lost my favorite puppy.... but I look **** good and am in the best condition (physically, spiritually and mentally) I have ever been in my life.

Thanks for all your support. I know it's hormones and will pass. I refuse to take medication (other than normal clomid/nolva post-cycle therapy) like anti-depressants. I think they are a joke. I mean, if you're going to take a chemical to make life look pretty - TAKE XTC. hahaha.... and since I dont do that, why take anything else.

Thx again everyone.... didn't mean to be such a sissy but when you're on a date and she asks you if you're ok because you just cried your way through Resident Evil II... it makes ya kinda nervous... hehehe

**MrMondodondo** · 09-14-2004, 05:08 PM

Sly,

I have had a lot of heavy **** come down that has affected my family(wife and 3 kids) The best advice I can give ya is that like the other fellas said, Hang tough things WILL change. If you can live 1 day at a time. For me that means having a daily goal of: Work, Proper Diet, Training, and Some form of Fun everyday. Make this a goal for each day, and in no time your attitude will adjust.Don't worry about the results just do the work. The routine is critical, because that gives your thought processes little time to creep in and attack.

keep the faith.

**needle** · 09-14-2004, 05:16 PM

Do I feel like **** right now been of test 3 weeks now and IVe lost 10 pounds!!! Man all i think about is when my next cycle is going to be!! I have dreams about juice and stuff!!! All i know is that i keep myself as busy as i can- put it in the back of my head and keep on trucking. JUST dont let it get to u, and its never that bad!!!

**The TooL** · 09-14-2004, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by mma10

all I can think about is how my life is useless, what I don't have, what I've lost, what I can't have and what I'll never succeed at doing.... basically, classic depression.

WoW!! thats funny, i feel that way when i smoke weed for some reason...

heh, and i thought i was the only one who felt that way after smoking some trees !!

**Slypknot** · 09-14-2004, 08:15 PM

hahaha... Thx again bro's. I don't dream about juice, I view it as a catalyst for a better me, but I'm not OCD about it. Although I have considered running another cycle just to avoid the ESTROGEN COME-DOWN.

Mr. Mondodondo, thanks bro....what you recommend is exactly what I'm doing. I know it will pass, I know my hard work will pay off.... I'm not worried if I lose even 50% of my gains, that's not what depresses me...it's life itself. And I know, being that I'm fairly well to do, have an awesome job, plenty of chicks, etc, that my life is not what's bringing me down - it's the estrogen and Test crash.... so I'm just hanging in there.

Once again, the old saying, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" is what I'm living by... one day at a time.