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  1. #1
    BigGreen's Avatar
    BigGreen is offline Anabolic Member
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    Inspired by MadMax (it's early I know)

    Okay, i'm sitting at home studying for my law school entrance exam, got bored, and MadMax's poem gave me some much needed entertainment. So much so, that I was inspired to compose my own. To me, the xmas season always begins at thanksgiving, and it's thanksgiving eve, so i'm technically within my rights (so I tell myself) to post this rendition of "Twas the Night Before Xmas" Oh, and to make it officially a steroid question , do you think the cycle described in the poem is a little overboard or no?

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the my pad
    Not a bicep was flexing, this builder was mad;
    The pinz were all stored in the nightstand with care,
    In hopes that my delivery soon would be there;

    The lifters were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of vascularity danced in their heads;
    My glutamine taken and the glycerlean next,
    I pouted on the couch while bouncing my pecs,

    When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew wicked quick,
    Hoping my source hadn’t gone scammer and there’d be oils to stick.

    The neon Store-24 sign on the new-fallen snow
    Gave the lustre of mid-day to the package below,
    My traps still sore as I crooked my neck to see,
    a package from Mexico – marked urgent delivery,

    No seizure letter, no agent, my gear was here it was true
    I knew in a moment my source had come through;
    Like post-holiday gluttons to a new gym they came,
    I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

    "Now, D-BOL! now, WINSTROL ! now, DECA and EQ!
    On, CLOMID! on CLEN ! on, NOLVA and TEST!
    To the top of the stairs! Cancel that trip to the mall!
    Now stash away! stash away! stash away all!"

    And then, in a twinkling, I fumbled with the pin
    drew out the test and jabbed the f’er in.
    The gear plunged in, I spotted the mirror and turned ‘round,
    ”Hey I already look bigger, soon I’ll be muscle-bound.”

    Standing in my boxers, I hit a rear double bi,
    Twenty-five pounds later and I won’t even recognize this guy;
    A bundle of muscles will emerge on my back,
    Who cares how I'll look with my gear-toting fanny pack.

    My bis -- how they’ll peak! How Christmas has become merry!
    These calves will finally grow, cuz I’ve popped my cherry!
    My quads will explode, this six pack’ll finally show
    I’ll be wearing tank tops, even in snow;

    Repping out on shoulder shrugs while I grit my teeth,
    Next Christmas my neck won’t fit through that wreath;
    Say hello to the whole wheat pasta, goodbye to the belly
    hello to those cuts and goodbye to peanut butter and jelly.

    I was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
    But with my gear in hand I’ll shock even myself;
    With a scowl on my face and earphones on my head,
    Those yuppies on treadmills will have something to dread;

    I’ll speak not a word, but go straight to my work,
    Deadlifts and squats – maybe a clean-and-jerk,
    Break out the scissors, I’m cutting holes in my clothes,
    There’ll be no room for these arms after pump ‘n pose;

    I sprang in the car, off to hit the gym,
    It’s open 24-7, no more Mr. Slim.
    Peeling out of the driveway, I just missed my bro Michael,
    Though rounding the corner I managed to shout, “Merry Xmas to all, and to all a good cycle!”

    *DISCLAIMER: BigGreen does not see gear as a quick fix, but rather constucted this poem as a parody of those who do.

  2. #2
    nuke is offline Member
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    Great BRo !!! Loving it

  3. #3
    testaprim's Avatar
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    man therre is some talent on this board. Dig the poems guys.

  4. #4
    Shredz is offline Respected Member
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    That has got to be the best poem that I have ever read. You guys have talent!

  5. #5
    Aragorn's Avatar
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    :LOL:

    Aragorn

  6. #6
    trimunex's Avatar
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    I absolutely lost it when you busted out the "fanny pack" line. LMFAO

    9

  7. #7
    Pheedno is offline Respected Member
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    That was simply great.

  8. #8
    Madmax's Avatar
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    o.k damn it. your's was better... i'm busy working on a new one. i liked that one...i already have my christmas poem done.. i was waiting till christmas to give it to ya...please stop making me look bad. your taking me out of the spot light. do you know how long ive been planning that damn poem..a really long time...but hey that was one funny fuckin poem...So please let this be my calling card.. i thought i would stand out s the funny poem guy. you took my hopes and dreams away......
    GREAT POEM...Madmax....happy thanksgiving...

  9. #9
    KeyMastur is offline VET
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    Bastard !! As I was just sittin in the post office about 20 minutes ago, a thought came across my mind - hey, I'll try tro write a little poem like Madmax did, only mind will be along the lines of 'twas the night before christmas' - and there you go and steal my idea !!!!! Now I've got to bust out Dick Clark's Christmas Time CD's and see what other song / poem I can mimic.

  10. #10
    Madmax's Avatar
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    ha,ha,ha....i like dick clark...not....Madmax...

  11. #11
    bigwillystyle's Avatar
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    BRAVO!... very nice.

  12. #12
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    Great stuff!

  13. #13
    FLEX_NuTz's Avatar
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    The poetic ability amongst us AS users is astonishing =P

  14. #14
    Tsunami is offline Associate Member
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    That was great!

  15. #15
    MBaraso's Avatar
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    Good Stuff bro! :-)

  16. #16
    fast's Avatar
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    Very nice !

  17. #17
    BASK8KACE is offline Anabolic Member
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    Nicely done!

  18. #18
    dizzle's Avatar
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    Freestyle Battle!

  19. #19
    seniormateus's Avatar
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    Yeah baby... I luv it! I'm gonna start my cycle just after Christmas and I felt every damn word of that poem. You got talent man!

  20. #20
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    sweet poem bro .You gotta love the spirit here at AR lol

    GZ

  21. #21
    Full Intensity's Avatar
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    i'm at a loss for words! i wish i had more AS users in my address book so i could mail that poem to everyone

  22. #22
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Bumping this for an appropriate time of the year. I knew I posted this back in the day

    EDIT: this just reminded me that I haven't seen Max around here in forever...

  23. #23
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    very impressive man...

  24. #24
    BASK8KACE is offline Anabolic Member
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    Always nice to see the classics return for Christmas time!
    Last edited by BASK8KACE; 12-13-2004 at 03:26 PM.

  25. #25
    *Narkissos*'s Avatar
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    Very Nice

    The effect of studying too hard

  26. #26
    dprayvd is offline Junior Member
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    most excellent!

  27. #27
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Time for my annual bump

  28. #28
    *Narkissos*'s Avatar
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    BG haven't seen you around..where've you been?

  29. #29
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Narkissos
    BG haven't seen you around..where've you been?
    Busted some SERIOUS hump to finish off grad school (ended up finishing two MAs) and then ran into some of my old school problems in terms of looking after my brother. I more or less disappeared from the internet entirely (no AIM, no message boards, etc, etc) for a year and some change. That all got compounded by serious relationship problems (brought about in part due to the little brother issue...long story) and I'm sure we all know how it compounds from there.

    For all but a 3 or 4 month period, I remained ridiculously dedicated in the gym, so haven't lost anything overall in that department, just wasn't as active as I would've liked here and at other boards. Getting back into the swing now though....

  30. #30
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    Nice work, real nice.

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