please read life is to short

i know several of you have read some of my post in the last week about my marraige..just thought i would give some others some advice so they wouldnt end up in the same place i have found myself in...tonight i crossed the line that i may never be able to go back across.. i possibly lost my family over my own mistakes..blaming everyonelse except myself..first let me tell you raising 2 children that are not your own is very tough..you end up blaming them for a lot of problems in your life that is not their fault...sometimes you just have to let go of the past and move on..i blamed my wife for not wanting anything to do with me when in reality i was finding every excuse not to be with her..when my marraige was failing i blamed the kids..my wife is a wonderfull mother could easily be voted mother of the year,,things she does for her kids my mother would have never done for me..i am very self centered and did not care that there were 2 others that needed her just as much as i did..in fact they were with her long before i came along..in reality my stepkids are afraid of me..they dont want to make me angry because they think i will hurt them..if they make a mess they try to clean it up so i dont lose my temper..kids are kids and are entitled to make mistakes and messes..encourage your kids whether they are are your natural born or just ones youve taken in to help care for them..when we got togehter i always kissed them goodnight and tucked them in after there mother did..now i work 2 jobs and im never there for them anymore..did not realize this until tonight..my step daughter blamed herself instead of me just trying to save my feelings..this is wrong no matter what..dont blame children they are not to blame they look up to you for guidance..i ended up fighting with my wife and before i knew it i had her by the neck choking her and she was appologizing to me for making me mad but i was the one in the wrong..my wife weighs 118 lbs and i weigh 220+ not much of a fight..she took the kids in the middle of the night and was going to leave me..i begged her to stay but i dont know how much more she can handle..i am bi-polar and have an anger problem but this is the first time i have actually hurt her..others in the past yes but never her..i hope i can some how save my marraige ..if i cant then it is my fault because as much as i blamed her when it came down to it the problem was me..funny thing is i enjoy taking gear but dont dont like taking meds that are prescribed for me..life is to short to lose everything you wanted in life for something stupid..if you have kids be a father..if you have a wife be a husband..no matter what i do i can never go back and change what happened tonight i can only pray that god will give me another chance...peace DEPDADDY

You are in my prayers. My advice, stop juicing, get off the computer, and get your priorities straight. I'm not trying to sound mean, but bipolar is a serious disorder and you HAVE to take your meds. See a shrink or doctor asap and keep all foreign substances (juice, drugs, alcohol) far away from your body. Your right, life is too short. From what I read earlier in the week you love your wife alot. You need to get YOUR shit straight first, so you can be the husband and father your family deserves. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS TONIGHT. Slow down, take a breath, say a prayer, and do the next right thing. PM me if you want to talk.

POSH

damn bro i know what u mean, i had a major anger problem too i used to always hurt the poeple i loved ...

i honestly believe the best thing u can do for them is to go to one of those anger managment meetings, and make them understand that u know u have a problem and want to deal with it... let them know how u feel bro, they love u no matter what.. u can still make up for all u did... i sujest take 100mg of 5-htp before bed, thatll increase the serotonin in ur brain( the good, loving feeling) i take it too... i also take sleepin medication so i get a good night sleep...

i would buy the kids some thing nice and take the whole family out for dinner and leave bad things in the past... its time for change...

wow man,i don't really know what to say but just keep trying to work things out.It's a good you understand what the problem is.Take it one day at a time and don't sweat the small stuff.I'll pray for you and your family.

Peace

I think these guys are so right. I hope you'll take the initiative to get some kind of counseling situation going for yourself and your family. It will let your wife know you're serious about changing for her.

Good luck bro.

ive been where you are bro,
however, i got lucky. my wife forgave a lot of my past mistakes because i changed my ways. with any luck, you'll catch the same break, as a good woman aint real easy to find.
i dont want to go into a lot of detail here, but suffice it to say: be the man your supposed to be bro. it will all work out, and i'm praying for you as well.

peace I4L

Just tell her what you just told all of us and hope she will see how much you really love her, and find a way to prove to her that you are willing to change.