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Thread: Xmas poem back by popular demand
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12-17-2002, 08:44 PM #1
Xmas poem back by popular demand
BUMPING THIS....for the new Christmas season as I promised about a year ago. In the Adam Sandler tradition, I'll be posting a "Volume II" in the next few days. Everything that follows is as it appeared a year ago...
Hi all...i've had a few people PM'ing and emailing asking me to repost this gear poem in a more noticeable thread. I've been a bit remiss from the board (and my internet "life" in general) with finals and studying for said finals for the last two weeks or so. However, in the spirit of xmas, here it is (as I procrastinate a bit): ENJOY!
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through my pad
Not a bicep was flexing, this lifter was mad;
The pinz were all stored in the nightstand with care,
In hopes that my delivery soon would be there;
The juiceheads were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of vascularity danced in their heads;
My glutamine taken and the glycerlean next,
I pouted on the couch while bouncing my pecs,
When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew wicked quick,
Hoping my source hadn’t gone scammer and there’d be oils to stick.
The neon Store-24 sign on the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the package below,
My traps still sore as I crooked my neck to see,
a package from Mexico – marked urgent delivery,
No seizure letter, no agent, my gear was here it was true
I knew in a moment my source had come through;
Like post-holiday gluttons to a new gym they came,
I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, D-BOL! now, WINSTROL ! now, DECA and EQ!
On, CLOMID! on CLEN ! on, NOLVA and TEST!
To the top of the stairs! Cancel that trip to the mall!
Now stash away! stash away! stash away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I fumbled with the pin
drew out the test and jabbed the f’er in.
The gear plunged in, I spotted the mirror and turned ‘round,
”Hey I already look bigger, soon I’ll be muscle-bound.”
Standing in my boxers, I hit a rear double bi,
Twenty-five pounds later I won’t even recognize this guy;
A bundle of muscles will emerge on my back,
Who cares how I'll look with my gear-toting fanny pack.
My bis -- how they’ll peak! How Christmas has become merry!
These calves will finally grow, cuz I’ve popped my cherry!
My quads will explode, this six pack’ll finally show
I’ll be wearing tank tops, even in snow;
Repping out on shoulder shrugs while I grit my teeth,
Next Christmas my neck won’t fit through that wreath;
Say hello to the whole wheat pasta, goodbye to the belly
hello to ripped delts and goodbye to peanut butter and jelly.
I was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But with my gear in hand I’ll shock even myself;
With a scowl on my face and earphones on my head,
Those yuppies on treadmills will have something to dread;
I’ll speak not a word, but go straight to my work,
Deadlifts and squats – maybe a clean-and-jerk,
Break out the scissors, I’m cutting holes in my clothes,
There’ll be no room for these arms after pump ‘n pose;
I sprang in the car, off to hit the gym,
It’s open 24-7, no more Mr. Slim.
Peeling out of the driveway, I just missed my bro Michael,
Though rounding the corner I managed to shout, “Merry Xmas to all, and to all a good cycle!”
*DISCLAIMER: BigGreen does not see gear as a quick fix, but rather constucted this poem, in part, as a parody of those who do.Last edited by BigGreen; 11-27-2003 at 08:34 AM.
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12-18-2002, 12:01 PM #2AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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^
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12-18-2002, 12:12 PM #3
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12-18-2002, 12:38 PM #4Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
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f'in hilarious
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12-18-2002, 12:42 PM #5
Bravo, well written hehe
thanks for the post bro, needed a good chuckle =D
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12-18-2002, 12:44 PM #6
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12-18-2002, 12:44 PM #7
Kick arse poem bro!
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12-18-2002, 12:47 PM #8
That deserves a great big fucking bump back up.
Last edited by BigMike J; 12-18-2002 at 12:49 PM.
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12-18-2002, 12:49 PM #9New Member
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- Apr 2002
- Location
- North NJ
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that made my day
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12-18-2002, 02:15 PM #10
bump GREAT POST!!
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12-18-2002, 03:21 PM #11
"Who cares how I'll look with my gear-toting fanny pack."
muahahhahahahahha!!!! Your the man bro, your the man.
Keep it bumped, this is a quality poem.
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12-18-2002, 03:42 PM #12
that was great man!!!
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12-18-2002, 07:08 PM #13
bump
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12-18-2002, 07:16 PM #14Member
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good times
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12-18-2002, 07:34 PM #15
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12-18-2002, 09:20 PM #16
Now that was REALLY FUNNY!!! Excellent poem!
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12-21-2002, 08:04 AM #17
thanks...when i first posted this I thought it'd be met with some resounding laughter and a big WTF? Glad to see it's provided at least some minimal entertainment to some guys and gals on this board. Hope everyone gets what they want for the holidays!
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12-21-2002, 11:12 AM #18
That was the shiiiiiiiiiiit!!!
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12-21-2002, 06:09 PM #19Associate Member
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- May 2002
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Awesome bit of rhyme bro, laughed my ass off dg:
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11-27-2003, 08:37 AM #20
Well, since Macy's and such can bust out their Xmas stuff early, I'm doing the same and bringing out my AR xmas decoration from a year ago.
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11-27-2003, 11:43 AM #21
hahaha... awesome poem bro
^^^ bump that to the top ^^^
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11-28-2003, 07:30 AM #22
Always a classic.
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11-28-2003, 09:17 AM #23Junior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2003
- Location
- New York
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lol bump
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12-10-2003, 10:14 PM #24
Bumping this so I have some inspiration to compose "Volume II"
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12-10-2003, 10:45 PM #25Swellin GuestOriginally Posted by BigGreen
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12-11-2003, 11:08 AM #26
I like it bro!!!
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12-11-2003, 09:41 PM #27
BUMP!!!!!
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12-12-2003, 08:27 AM #28Associate Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2003
- Posts
- 157
[QUOTE=BigGreen]BUMPING THIS....for the new Christmas season as I promised about a year ago. In the Adam Sandler tradition, I'll be posting a "Volume II" in the next few days. Everything that follows is as it appeared a year ago...
Hi all...i've had a few people PM'ing and emailing asking me to repost this gear poem in a more noticeable thread. I've been a bit remiss from the board (and my internet "life" in general) with finals and studying for said finals for the last two weeks or so. However, in the spirit of xmas, here it is (as I procrastinate a bit): ENJOY!
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through my pad
Not a bicep was flexing, this lifter was mad;
The pinz were all stored in the nightstand with care,
In hopes that my delivery soon would be there;
The juiceheads were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of vascularity danced in their heads;
My glutamine taken and the glycerlean next,
I pouted on the couch while bouncing my pecs,
When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew wicked quick,
Hoping my source hadn’t gone scammer and there’d be oils to stick.
The neon Store-24 sign on the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the package below,
My traps still sore as I crooked my neck to see,
a package from Mexico – marked urgent delivery,
No seizure letter, no agent, my gear was here it was true
I knew in a moment my source had come through;
Like post-holiday gluttons to a new gym they came,
I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, D-BOL! now, WINSTROL ! now, DECA and EQ!
On, CLOMID! on CLEN ! on, NOLVA and TEST!
To the top of the stairs! Cancel that trip to the mall!
Now stash away! stash away! stash away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I fumbled with the pin
drew out the test and jabbed the f’er in.
The gear plunged in, I spotted the mirror and turned ‘round,
”Hey I already look bigger, soon I’ll be muscle-bound.”
Standing in my boxers, I hit a rear double bi,
Twenty-five pounds later I won’t even recognize this guy;
A bundle of muscles will emerge on my back,
Who cares how I'll look with my gear-toting fanny pack.
My bis -- how they’ll peak! How Christmas has become merry!
These calves will finally grow, cuz I’ve popped my cherry!
My quads will explode, this six pack’ll finally show
I’ll be wearing tank tops, even in snow;
Repping out on shoulder shrugs while I grit my teeth,
Next Christmas my neck won’t fit through that wreath;
Say hello to the whole wheat pasta, goodbye to the belly
hello to ripped delts and goodbye to peanut butter and jelly.
I was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But with my gear in hand I’ll shock even myself;
With a scowl on my face and earphones on my head,
Those yuppies on treadmills will have something to dread;
I’ll speak not a word, but go straight to my work,
Deadlifts and squats – maybe a clean-and-jerk,
Break out the scissors, I’m cutting holes in my clothes,
There’ll be no room for these arms after pump ‘n pose;
I sprang in the car, off to hit the gym,
It’s open 24-7, no more Mr. Slim.
Peeling out of the driveway, I just missed my bro Michael,
Though rounding the corner I managed to shout, “Merry Xmas to all, and to all a good cycle!”
Good One BRO! Merry Christmas!!!
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12-12-2003, 08:31 AM #29
I love it. I can't believe I missed this last year. Well done, BG.
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12-12-2003, 10:04 AM #30
Kudos...
awesome poem...by the way, i'm still waiting for more from you rambo!
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12-12-2003, 10:23 AM #31
Thats the best
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12-12-2003, 10:36 AM #32
Your the man!!! I'm glad I got to see this!
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12-12-2003, 03:39 PM #33
Very nice, BG.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
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12-13-2003, 01:07 PM #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2002
- Location
- USA
- Posts
- 1,474
I'll be reading that story to my kids one day! Another holiday classic!
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