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  1. #1
    GQSuperman's Avatar
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    john kerry resume

    JOB APPLICATION

    NAME: John Kerry

    RESIDENCES: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth

    multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).



    EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U. S. Senator, I've voted to cut

    every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston

    to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my

    neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).



    MILITARY:I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get

    an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by

    the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned

    to the U. S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted

    returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby

    killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or

    something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the

    War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served

    in Vietnam (four months).



    COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my

    counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get

    admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M. B. A



    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U. S. Congress and have been

    there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women

    and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).



    ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U. S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting

    record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed

    to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus

    gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the

    Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I

    voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this

    country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served

    in Vietnam (four months). My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush that he

    will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never

    agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family

    wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).



    I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U. S. in places

    like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost

    of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all

    of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).



    Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy

    and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might

    spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam

    (four months).



    RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).



    PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride

    a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulf stream V Jet the

    "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht

    the "Scarmouche". I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

    I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer

    mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and

    blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four > > months).



    PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

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    great post

  3. #3
    Juggernaut's Avatar
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    I'm voting for him.......it was that four months in nam' that sinched the deal for me. Where's Bush' resume? I'm curious as too which color crayon he used. hahahahahaha

  4. #4
    BigMike J's Avatar
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    Here is one for you.


    Name: George Dubya Bush

    EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION

    Law Enforcement:
    I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under
    the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had
    my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving
    record has been "lost" and is not available.

    Military:
    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
    to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
    By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid
    combat duty in Vietnam.

    College:
    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was
    a cheerleader.


    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

    I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

    I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.
    I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
    The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

    I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
    that took land using taxpayer money.

    With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
    (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.


    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

    I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
    making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my
    tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
    city in America.

    I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
    billions in borrowed money.

    I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
    American history.

    With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my
    father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President
    after losing by over 500,000 votes.


    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

    I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with
    a criminal record.

    I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
    *over one billion dollars per week*.

    I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.
    Treasury.

    I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
    history.

    I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in
    any 12-month period.

    I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
    period.

    I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history
    of the U.S. stock market.

    In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
    jobs and that trend continues every month.

    I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
    administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"
    Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

    I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.
    President.

    I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving
    the most corporate campaign donations.

    One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest
    corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

    My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
    to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
    election decision.

    I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
    investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
    investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
    investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

    I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
    refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry
    was revealed.

    I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

    I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
    awarded government contracts.

    I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than
    any President in U.S. history.

    I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
    bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

    I've broken more international treaties than any President in
    U.S. history.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
    Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

    I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

    I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
    detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
    Convention.

    I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
    election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

    I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
    President since the advent of television.

    I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
    period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided
    over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

    I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
    Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
    hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
    world history.

    I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
    simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
    shattering the record for protests against any person in the
    history of mankind.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
    preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign
    nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
    majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut
    health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
    benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.

    In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
    attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

    I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
    (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
    security.

    I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"
    a WMD.

    I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
    to justice.

    During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops
    were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of
    the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to
    attend more than 43 fundraising events of the Republican party.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

    All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
    father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

    All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and
    my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
    public view.

    All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
    attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
    unavailable for public review.

  5. #5
    BigMike J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juggy Snout
    I'm voting for him.......it was that four months in nam' that sinched the deal for me. Where's Bush' resume? I'm curious as too which color crayon he used. hahahahahaha

    I just posted it for you

  6. #6
    Juggernaut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigMike J
    I just posted it for you
    And might I say that is one impressive resume. He might want to cut it down a little, most people are doing single page resumes now to keep the readers intrest..........btw, which savings and loan will he be VP at after the elections on Tuesday? hahahahahahaha

  7. #7
    UrbanLegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigMike J
    I just posted it for you

    Your new avatar is much better

  8. #8
    BigMike J's Avatar
    BigMike J is offline Anabolic Member
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    Dubya 4 more years. puahahahaha

  9. #9
    BigMike J's Avatar
    BigMike J is offline Anabolic Member
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    I hear that

    Quote Originally Posted by UrbanLegend
    Your new avatar is much better
    Yeah, i got tired of looking at that nasty one i had.

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