Thread: john kerry resume
10-26-2004, 02:18 PM #1
john kerry resume
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCES: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).
EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U. S. Senator, I've voted to cut
every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston
to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my
neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).
MILITARY:I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get
an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by
the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned
to the U. S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted
returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby
killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or
something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the
War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served
in Vietnam (four months).
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M. B. A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U. S. Congress and have been
there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women
and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U. S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting
record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed
to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus
gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the
Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I
voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this
country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I served
in Vietnam (four months). My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush that he
will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never
agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family
wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U. S. in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost
of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all
of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy
and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might
spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride
a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulf stream V Jet the
"Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht
the "Scarmouche". I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and
blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four > > months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
10-26-2004, 02:23 PM #2
10-26-2004, 02:28 PM #3
I'm voting for him.......it was that four months in nam' that sinched the deal for me. Where's Bush' resume? I'm curious as too which color crayon he used. hahahahahaha
10-26-2004, 02:31 PM #4
Here is one for you.
Name: George Dubya Bush
EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under
the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had
my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving
record has been "lost" and is not available.
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused
to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid
combat duty in Vietnam.
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my
tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President
after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with
a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
*over one billion dollars per week*.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in
any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history
of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"
Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving
the most corporate campaign donations.
One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than
any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protests against any person in the
history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign
nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut
health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops
were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of
the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to
attend more than 43 fundraising events of the Republican party.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and
my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
10-26-2004, 02:32 PM #5Originally Posted by Juggy Snout
I just posted it for you
10-26-2004, 02:38 PM #6Originally Posted by BigMike J
10-26-2004, 02:40 PM #7Originally Posted by BigMike J
Your new avatar is much better
10-26-2004, 02:42 PM #8
Dubya 4 more years. puahahahaha
10-26-2004, 02:46 PM #9
I hear thatOriginally Posted by UrbanLegend
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