Heart break... need suggestions

[The Dynasty]

Great advice over here, guys, really.

Bro, I'm in the same boat as you, man. Let me break down my situation for you. Then I'll throw some advice your way--hopefully I can get some advice myself.

I dated a girl for 3 1/2+ years--began back in high school. I'm black and she's Ital/Irish, and her mother HATED every second we were together to the point that I eventually was not allowed to come over her house (and we lived 2 minutes away from each other). Throughout the whole situation, though, we stayed strong. We really didn't have that much in common, but that was a good thing--we had a perfect balance. We never had a problem about the differences, ya know? She was the smart girl who hung out with the un-noticed group of girls, while I was the smart/athletic/funny/social black kid that everyone knew--we were pretty different. About 6 months into our relationship, she "kissed" another guy. That killed me, but I forgave her--I was in love, ya know?

College started for both of us, and we took advantage of the time, even though we went to schools an hour apart. I would go see her every weekend, ya know? I dropped everything for her. Anytime she needed me I was there. We both weren't into drinking and partying and whatnot, so the time we spent together were good--we kept each other occupied. Even though the summers were tough (when we were back home, where we couldn't really see each other unless we snuck around--I know, ridiculous), we still persevered. I mean, we talked about marriage, kids, where we were gonna live--the whole nine. All of a sudden, August 2004 comes around (right before her senior year of college), and she comes to me with some stuff about how she isn't happy anymore, and about how I wasn't doing the little things anymore. I was like "whaaaaaaaaat?????" My bro had told me about how her and this guy at this day camp she worked with constantly flirted with each other. I also later found out that she would go out to bars and drink at parties with this guy and a bunch of his friends--she NEVER went to parties, NEVER drank. That wasn't her--she had led a very sheltered life, though, ya know?

But I guess she saw greener pastures somewhere else, and saw a whole new social life, and leaving me wasn't that bad anymore. After she told me that there was a chance that she may soon be attracted to this kid (soon be attracted??? wtf), I told her we had to break up. Well we broke up, but still remained friends--big mistake. She came back over my house a couple days before starting school, and we had sex for the first time. She took my virginity (something I was planning on holding till I got married)--I don't even know if I took hers because we were separated for a few weeks and she was still going out and all of that stuff with these other kids. Looking back on that day, it still kills me--I feel like a girl. She so screwed me over big time.

Even though she was in school (I was still home doing a 6-month internship), we still talked and said I love you's and stuff but I noticed her whole lifestyle changed. She constantly would go out to bars and drink, now, with her alcoholic house-mates. She was being a person I never saw before. Her attitudes and personality towards me changed. I kept on wanting to hold on, though. That was my first love, ya know?

But it finally got to a point where I really felt like she was really leaving me out to dry. She had already moved on, in my eyes. She was finally in the cool group--something she NEVER experienced before, and she felt no need for me anymore. She finally had friends and felt cool. One night, I couldn't take being felt like a second-class aquaintance anymore so I told her we couldn't talk anymore. We discussed the subject, and she told me, "look we're just not the same". Well duh, but she never used to mind that before. The girl totally changed. Totally changed. Well I wasn't gonna deal with her anymore.

All while we were split, I hit back up the gym. I went from a flabby 190 to a currently pretty cut 166, thanks to advice from you guys. I'm still cutting, and it feels so good to diet, lift, and do cardio the right way. I actually am retaining muscle now. I'll be heading back to classes in January and I'm sporting a 3.982 GPA. I'm a Finance/Accounting double-major and I may be lined up with a position with GE's Financial Management Program. Even when I was still dating this girl, I had girls wanting to get with me, but obviously I turned them down because I was faitful (unlike the ex)--but that was when I was a chubby mofo!!! So imagine when I get back to school bro. Caucasion chicks love the brothas , hahahahaha. I'm a stronger Christian now, and I'm still tight with my family.

I've got a lot going for me, and it took me THREE MONTHS to realize that. You should do the same. Focus on you, bro. Look at the opportunities that are presented in your life and be proud of yourself, and work hard at getting better. Sure, I'm still hurt over the whole thing--my ex seems so heartless, ya know? But I have no choice but to focus on me. I HAVETA care about myself, cuz Lord knows she won't ya know? While she's out boozing and prolly even getting with other dudes, I'm staying focused, tightening up my LIFESTYLE (very important). I'm constantly trying to improve myself socially (as a friend, brother, son, co-worker, etc), spiritually, physically, mentally--the whole nine, bro. My ex's idea of staying in shape is running in the afternoon between classes. Hahahahahahaha, if she was committed enough to be part of a forum like this, she'd realize with all that boozing and poor eating habits, she's only retaining fat.

What it comes down to is this: she doesn't care about me, so I SHOULDN'T care about her anymore, either. As time goes by, it'll get easier and easier to forget her. Especially when you surround yourself with some awesome people (family and both male AND female--preferably gorgeous--friends, hahaha). I can't wait till I get back to college, because I'm ready to be single. Even though its gonna be hard at first, it'll get easier. It always gets easier as time goes by.

Whatever you do, don't seek revenge on her, bro. The sweetest revenge is your happiness, man--true happiness. Don't do anything out of spite. Do it because you want to. You think when I get back to school I'm gonna be banging girls right and left and drinking like a nutbag just to show my ex I'm over her????? Hell naw, bro. Yeah, sweet revenge--having std's, acquiring a beer gut, and whatnot--sweet revenge, my ass. Revenge only hurts you in the end. Just focus on being happy. Stay in that gym, bro. Stay close to your fam. Stick with your bros. Of course holler at the girls, but respect yourself while you're at it. Don't EVER compromise who you are for some GIRL that wants nothing to do with you. You're better than that. You'll find someone out there, eventually--heck, they'll most likely find YOU. And when you do meet that special someone, like one of the bros mentioned earlier, it'll be better than your ex--it tends to work out that way. You've learned a lot from your past relationship, I'm sure. Just put those lessons to action and use it in your daily walks in life and use em on the new girl. You'll become a better person in the end. I'm not trying to convert or be a preacher or anything, but God has done works on me. Faith, no matter what faith it is, is a good thing, if you ask me.

Keep your head up bro. Feel free to drop me a PM--we can exchange numbers, talk on the phone if you want (no homo ****, hahahahaha--just looking out for a fellow bro, ya know?). Remember, bro--be selfish, but don't isolate your friends and fam. Don't slag yourself down for some girl, because then she'll win. Always look on the bright side--heck if it wasn't for this breakup, I'd never be so focused on my health and these other things in my life--I would only focus on her. Now that you have time to grow personally, you'll be even more prepared to handle future relationships.

Peace out bro.

[CarvedFromStone]

man **** girls and all there ****ing games, i had a very similiar experience to what u had dynasty...thing is 6 weeks after our break up i got myself at a job at a huge strip club and cant even remember having a girlfriend now

[AustrianOAK14]

man **** girls and all there ****ing games, i had a very similiar experience to what u had dynasty...thing is 6 weeks after our break up i got myself at a job at a huge strip club and cant even remember having a girlfriend now

same as me but on roids

[2timer]

what is up with girls and head games ? lets all just leave them alone . man they look sometimes so **** fine!

[The Dynasty]

what is up with girls and head games ? lets all just leave them alone . man they look sometimes so **** fine!

Yeah, bro. Can't live with em, can't live without em. Finding one that you can STAND is the real kicker .

[kingspade213]

my girl just broke up with me after a year in a half over some bullsh*t. She says that we arent ever going to go back out but i really hope thats a bluff. I plan on not talking to her for a month or something, then start talking to her slowly again. We go the same college so it really sucks. Anyone else ever end up back with their X This is the second time we ended up back together.

[c5529]

I know this post is a few months old, but I just saw it and wanted to respond...

Bro, we've all been through it. I was married to my best friend for 7 years and we got a divorce over a year ago.....Just know that you WILL get over this and move forward.. Believe me I know how hard this is... and again, you're not alone...we've all been through it....the best advice I can give it to hit the weights harder than you've ever done before. Weightlifting has gotten me over all the rough times in my life. It's as good for your mind as it is for your body...hope you're doing well Bro.

[khurrams]

Here are some tips from my favorite magazine "Men's Health"-
1. Don't keep reminding yourself about the person. Dwelling on things will make matters worse. Spend lots of time on the phone with friends and family- and not talking too much about the split.
2. Remove all the reminders. If you can't throw away that overstuffed teddy bear she bought you, bag it and put it in the garage... along with the all the other stuff she left behind.
3. Taking up a hobby is a redundant suggestion, but has been one of the most important recommendations of professional "Break up Doctors." I love the new sport kite surfing- give it a try!
4. Clean your house! This is symbolism to yourself that you've still got it all together. Tidying up will do wonders for you moral man.

Take care buddy.

DID U READ "IN THE MEANTIME" by IVANA VANZANT????