THIS is how to spot, bros!
Brothers,
The other day at the gym, Nobby and I were training balls-to-the-wall, screaming and swearing with every rep, our workout an inspiration to all serious lifters. As I staggered with exhaustion over to the water cooler to fill my 2 gallon jug, tossing the teenager at it aside, who was about to fill a paper cup, I happened to glance around the gym. What I saw made me sick to my Iron Warrior stomach.
Lack of proper form. No intensity anywhere to be found.
One particular fellow drew my attention. An elderly gent, perhaps in his 60's, was doing seated military presses with a 50 pound barbell. No signs of struggle whatsoever as he repped it 10 times.
Nobby had seen the same thing, and lumbered over to the man and turned, facing him, and stood there silently, trembling with rage. I moved over to the old man, and stared at him. He stopped what he was doing and asked "Why, friend, can I help you?". Neither Nobby nor I replied, and he began to fidget uneasily. "Is there something wrong, lads? If so I am most sorry." "Why yes, there is indeed a problem" I replied, softly. "You see, my associate and I find that, shall we say... your LACK OF INTENSITY IS MAKING US BLOODY FUCKING SICK!!" I screamed in his face, peppering it with spittle. I smacked him hard across the face with the back of my hand, and I snatched the 50 pound barbell from his hands, grabbed an olympic bar with a 45 on each side, and roughly handed it to him, behind the neck. "I...I..this is too much..." he whimpered. "You WILL complete 10 reps. NOW!" I thundered. The old man, terrified, feebly did 3 reps, then faltered. Nobby gave him some encouragement in the form of a lashing across the thighs with his bike chain, and the old man screamed, then completed 3 more reps, weeping with effort. "Easy...concentrate on the negatives....SQUUEEEEEZE!" I snarled. Once again, at the 7th rep, the man failed, and got a lashing across the crotch from Nobby. At that moment, a 150 pound 'personal trainer' came rushing, ostensibly to help the old man. But alas- he didn't look out, and caught one of Nobby's devastating clotheslines and spun through the air before he hit the floor, every bone broken.
Screaming in agony, the old man, arms trembling violently, managed to make 3 more reps, and I snatched the bar out of his hands just as he collapsed face first on the the floor, and lay groaning, his body quivering.
"Fookin hardcore" Nobby commented. "Yes, Nobby, sometimes we must be cruel in order to be kind" I mused.
Then our attention was drawn by a teenage girl simply NOT trying hard enough on the machine bench press, and Nobby and I were on the scene in an instant to offer our moral support. As the old man was being taken out by medics to the ambulance someone had called, I screamed after him "You could at least THANK US!!"
"FOOKIN BAHSTAAHHHD!" Nobby roared, so loud it was heard across Europe.
I try to help others at every turn. And this is the thanks I get.
