DWARF TOSSING
What is dwarf-tossing?
Dwarf-tossing is a rapidly spreading sport that can be played in bars and pubs or anywhere that drunken people gather. Although there are no official rules, there is one main point: to compete with other players to see who can throw a dwarf the furthest.
History of the game:
No one knows when the sport of dwarf-tossing started. It was imported into Europe during the 1980s from the United States and Australia. Most likely, this was in an attempt to import American culture to Europe while avoiding hair bands.
Necessary equipment:
There is a small amount of necessary equipment before you can start a game of dwarf-tossing. At the least, you must have the following:
One mattress, in good working order without springs sticking out.
Protective clothing and equipment. For the safety of the dwarf, a helmet and padded jacket should be supplied. The jacket should be of sufficient quality to withstand the weight of the dwarf when he is picked up by it. Further, the jacket should have handles sewn into the back of it, to allow the dwarf-thrower to have a proper grip. This enhances the safety of both dwarf and thrower.
A first-aid kit. Just in case a drunken thrower lands a dwarf into the crowds.
One dwarf. Typically he should be willing to participate, although this is left up to the individual rules.
How to play:
There is currently no standard for the rules used in dwarf-throwing. The only accepted principals are that the person who throws the dwarf the furthest wins and that all other rules are to be decided before play commences. Rules may also be made to ensure the safety of all involved if non-standard equipment is to be used. Typical rules are similar to:
If a dwarf utters any sound in flight or upon impact, the throw is disqualified. Note that you can use a strike system here, similar to tennis, where 2 consecutive disqualified throws will result in forfeiture of the round.
It is strictly forbidden in dwarf-throwing literature and publicity, to refer to dwarfs as 'persons of restricted growth' or 'small people'.
If a dwarf is to be thrown into a lake or pond, he must be provided a wetsuit and may not have his hands or legs bound.
Making dwarf-tossing a spectator sport:
Dwarf-tossing is naturally an enjoyable sport to watch. There are a number of ways to enhance the sport, however.
Alcohol. Dwarf-tossing is enhanced by an intoxicated crowd. This not only boosts their enjoyment of the sport, but increases the volume level of the cheering. This, in turn, boosts the intensity of the dwarf-throwers.
Chanting. Start a chant. This works in the same way as alcohol, although it benefits from alcoholic consumption as well. A sample chant has been included below.
Offer cash or alcoholic prizes. 'Nuff said.
A chant for dwarf-tossing:
This dwarf is made for tossing,
and thats just what he'll do,
One of these days this dwarf,
is gonna toss all over you...
