Need help.. GF of 2 years decides in one week that she doesn't want children. Ever.

**Dude-Man** · 07-02-2004, 11:47 PM

I don't really know what to do. It's always been in my plans. I love her more than anything.. but I know that if I don't have children, there will be a void in my life that I don't think anyone or anything else could fill. This came on so quickly.. A week with her family.. and now she doesn't want children...

what do i do????

ttuPrincess · 07-02-2004, 11:51 PM

were their children around? after i spend time with children I always scream "Im never having kids.. EVER"

its my birthcontrol for atleast 6 months.. lol

but give her some time to chill out and maybe after a couple of weeks you can sit down and have a serious discussion.. if its something you want, then dont give it up .. but i dont think shes serious..

**Dude-Man** · 07-02-2004, 11:56 PM

there were lots of kids around.. and i'm telling her she's just over reacting.. but she keeps insisting that she doesn't have a maternal instinct.. that she's always been doubting.. but before tonight, we always talked about how many we wnated... what order we wanted them in.. their names.. what they were going to be like.... i don't get it.. i don't think i've ever been this upset.

**BigGreen** · 07-03-2004, 12:04 AM

While I suspect her thoughts on this would and will change, it can still create quite the rift. Hopeless romantic that I am, it's still a fact that there are certain pragmatic issues that infringe on that thing called love, and something like this is one of them. After two years with one person, it's only natural to give very serious consideration, whether both admit it or not, to the very real prospect of truly sharing a life, and that's somewhat impossible to do with such a dramatic difference in wants as we've got here.

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:05 AM

She's a ****ing coward. She's worried she'll be a bad mom, and she's such a ****ing pessimistic coward that she's not willing to take the risk. **** this.

**Governor** · 07-03-2004, 12:09 AM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

She's a ****ing coward. She's worried she'll be a bad mom, and she's such a ****ing pessimistic coward that she's not willing to take the risk. **** this.

not to sound like a dick, but if she acts like this I dont think shes the one for you.

(just replace her birth control with sugar pills

)

ttuPrincess · 07-03-2004, 12:09 AM

if shes said that she wants them before, then she will want kids.. just being around kids that arnt being controlled well enough can make anyone no want them..

funny you talk about this today.. last night at the restaurant where I work, these parents let their children throw a plate worth of food on the ground.. cheese, eggs, pasta noodles.. everything.. and then left it..

I came home saying I was never having kids.. EVER.. but i dont mean it..

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:11 AM

She says that she's always doubted it in her mind.. that she could be a capable, loving nurturing mom.. and that she's just hidden her doubt from me because she knew i wanted children so much.. she was hoping that eventually my desire for a family would outweigh her doubt... but it hasn't.. and she doesn't think it ever will....

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:14 AM

Why is it that every time i date someone long term they hide the person that they really are??

**whiteyk** · 07-03-2004, 12:14 AM

yea i know this girl....who will never have kids.....she has been telling me there is no way in hell for her to have any kids, or be a mother. i think its pretty lame, but she doesnt want to lose her body

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by whiteyk

yea i know this girl....who will never have kids.....she has been telling me there is no way in hell for her to have any kids, or be a mother. i think its pretty lame, but she doesnt want to lose her body

That's not it. She doesn't want to adopt either. She doesn't want to be a mother, because she's afraid that she'll fail. She's such a ****ing coward. I'm so angry.. and so upset.. and this ****ing type is such a poor excuse for the pain i'm feeling right now that i want to destroy this computer.

**mass junkie** · 07-03-2004, 12:24 AM

Well it ceartainly is better that you found out now then after the fact. Dont ya think? Find yourself a nice Latin woman.... They are geneticaly designed just for spiting out children

**whiteyk** · 07-03-2004, 12:25 AM

sorry

**Money Boss Hustla** · 07-03-2004, 12:26 AM

Originally Posted by mass junkie

Find yourself a nice Latin woman.... They are geneticaly designed just for spiting out children

MJ is AR's version of Bill Cosby.

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:29 AM

Originally Posted by Money Boss Hustla

MJ is AR's version of Bill Cosby.

and you got mad at me for ****ting on your orange order thread.

**Money Boss Hustla** · 07-03-2004, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

and you got mad at me for ****ting on your orange order thread.

I didn't get mad at you at all...someone else started it on that thread.

BTW don't narrow me out on this thread b/c you're in a bad mood.

I have no probs with you bro.

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by mass junkie

Well it ceartainly is better that you found out now then after the fact. Dont ya think? Find yourself a nice Latin woman.... They are geneticaly designed just for spiting out children

You're right mass, definitely better now than later when post partum depression kicks in.. but.. i love this girl. I know that sounds stupid and sappy.. I wouldn've have dated her this long if i didn't.. and if i couldn't picture us spending the rest of our lives together.

***Cycleon*** · 07-03-2004, 12:46 AM

chris - havent you figured out the secret to women? they always know what they want - but only RIGHT NOW - and if you wait a few days (or even a few minutes) you will get something different - so it really doesnt matter what they want today, that will change like the weather depending upon her emotional state - you have to get a feel for the trend and in your case sounds like she wants kids

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 12:48 AM

I realize that i'm definitely over reacting.. but it's probably the most important thing to me. If what she's saying is the truth, then things can never work out between us. I guess only time will tell... but i don't know how long i'm willing to wait and how many opportunities i'm willing to pass up to eventually find out that it's still not going to happen.

**Soldier of Misfortune** · 07-03-2004, 01:29 AM

At least shes still with you. My girl from college who lives 2hrs away basically dumped me for the summer so she can "try to find something better and ill call you when im ready" Ive stated this before on here, but skerresly, WHAT THE FVCK!! Your chick prolly just hated the way those kids were acting over the weekend. Think of when a dude is gettin married, hes in the back of the church waitin to go out and hes havin second thoughts and wantin to leave but hell go out there cuz thats what he wants to do. She might be havin the same ideas like reel close to wanting to have a lil bodybuilder running around but is so sure of it shes havin second thoughts. A stroke of genius at 2:30 am, hell yeah.

***SV-1*** · 07-03-2004, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

She's a ****ing coward. She's worried she'll be a bad mom, and she's such a ****ing pessimistic coward that she's not willing to take the risk. **** this.

Those are very harsh words bro. I know that I don't want children and that I probably wouldn't be a good dad. Sure enough that I went to the doctor and got fixed. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent/wants kids. That doesn't make them a bad person or a coward. The fact that she was honest and told you this knowing it could cause the relationship to end tells me she's quite brave. The cowardly thing would have been to not tell you, have kids to keep you, and potentially screw up your/her and the kids lives.

**Benches505** · 07-03-2004, 06:24 AM

I know exactly how you feel Bro....I want 5 or 6 more kids myself...Just make sure she is right for you first or you could end up as the weekend dad or even worse with a woman that uses the kid/kids as a tool against you.

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by SV-1

Those are very harsh words bro. I know that I don't want children and that I probably wouldn't be a good dad. Sure enough that I went to the doctor and got fixed. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent/wants kids. That doesn't make them a bad person or a coward. The fact that she was honest and told you this knowing it could cause the relationship to end tells me she's quite brave. The cowardly thing would have been to not tell you, have kids to keep you, and potentially screw up your/her and the kids lives.

I understand and respect your personal views, and i'm not calling you a coward. At the time i was very upset because i felt like i had been strung along for 2 years by someone who was too afraid to tell me how they really felt. Plus, if you knew her, you'd understand where those words are coming from. She lets her doubts dominate her life. She'll never ever take any type of risk because she's too afraid to fail. Everything in life carries risk.. and it's no way to live.

***SV-1*** · 07-03-2004, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

I understand and respect your personal views, and i'm not calling you a coward. At the time i was very upset because i felt like i had been strung along for 2 years by someone who was too afraid to tell me how they really felt. Plus, if you knew her, you'd understand where those words are coming from. She lets her doubts dominate her life. She'll never ever take any type of risk because she's too afraid to fail. Everything in life carries risk.. and it's no way to live.

Cool doggie.

**Romulus** · 07-03-2004, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

I understand and respect your personal views, and i'm not calling you a coward. At the time i was very upset because i felt like i had been strung along for 2 years by someone who was too afraid to tell me how they really felt. Plus, if you knew her, you'd understand where those words are coming from. She lets her doubts dominate her life. She'll never ever take any type of risk because she's too afraid to fail. Everything in life carries risk.. and it's no way to live.

I do not often post on the board, but visit a lot, felt compelled to write back about this one, as it is an issue very close to home.

My situation was a little different though, with both of us getting married with the view that we did not want kids. 14 years down the line, 8 of them married, it suddenly became real important for me to have a child to care for (got tired of partying and other selfish pursuits I suppose, and probably began to feel just a little mortal)

To cut a long story short, it eventually resulted in divorce, as it was an issue we just could not settle. Now back to you............... it is all fine and well for people to say that you should just wait and maybe she will change her mind... but quite frankly what's in it for you?? Very difficult with a person that you really love, but no person is worth ten years or more of your life !! (at the moment you have only two years invested.

Besides........kids are the coolest thing on the planet, especially when you hit the stage where you want to get your kicks in more meaningful ways than a good social life eg Father's day, fishing and camping, swimming at the seaside etc.

Before I get too soggy round the edges, I think I'll go now, all the best and good luck with a VERRy difficult situation...........

**TheMudMan** · 07-03-2004, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by CYCLEON

chris - havent you figured out the secret to women? they always know what they want - but only RIGHT NOW - and if you wait a few days (or even a few minutes) you will get something different - so it really doesnt matter what they want today, that will change like the weather depending upon her emotional state - you have to get a feel for the trend and in your case sounds like she wants kids

LOL........... this is very true.......... CA don't let this question your relationship with her........ give her time and don't mention it for now....... she will see that she will want to be a mother and have children for the two of you.

**chicamahomico** · 07-03-2004, 11:52 AM

At 22 she is a child, wait till she hits 30 then she will be in wanting babies mode.

**Dally** · 07-03-2004, 12:04 PM

I had 2 years invested in a person like you described, I unfortunately just wanted to make her happy. I did whatever it would take, she walked all over me and beat the life outta me. We got pregnant and she had an abortion, which is something I could personally never do. It killed me.... and in turn her ...then us... we broke up sometime ago and I have since been trying the friend thing. It didnt work, I figured it wouldnt either. I dont ever want to waste another minute or second of time on her. She is not worth it, and it took me 2 years to figure that out.

Women who dont harbour maternal instincts if you ask me are odd, something, somewhere happened and its not something that can be deemed as normal usually.

I dunno man, but if I were you, I would be looking for the next chickboo, cause I did .. and found the best one yet! but love is a hard thing to cut off.

good luck bro. really.

(hi honey... I like you) ... I DO!!

**rambo** · 07-03-2004, 06:48 PM

Well Chris you have two options with her right now. You can voice your dissent over her actions and let her ride out her little wave of defiance, eventually letting her realize how emotionally driven her ideas are...

Or you can pack your bags. If she is indeed driven by her doubts and fears then maybe she won't make a good mother after all. And in fact, might not make a good wife. We're young, and there's so much more for us out there to have to settle for something less than what we need. We all have our flaws, and I'm sure she sees some in you too, but some flaws can't be overlooked.

It's gonna be a tough choice and I wish you the best.

**Dude-Man** · 07-03-2004, 06:52 PM

Thanks everyone.. I'm not really sure how long i'm going to ride this out, but that is the plan in the meantime. If it takes her more than a few months to realize that she does want children.. i'm going to have to move on.

**Dally** · 07-03-2004, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

Thanks everyone.. I'm not really sure how long i'm going to ride this out, but that is the plan in the meantime. If it takes her more than a few months to realize that she does want children.. i'm going to have to move on.

gots to do what cha gots to do bro!

**medic23** · 07-03-2004, 07:27 PM

I wish I could find a girl who doesnt want kids, when I say this they think im evil. Fuc kids, I got a full life to live. Maybe when im 50 il reconsider.

**Commando_Barbi** · 07-03-2004, 08:19 PM

I have a very close friend that married his girlfriend after two years of dating. She told him she didn't want kids and he thought sure that he could change her mind over time. They've been married nearly 12 yrs now....still no kids. There was a time when he thought about leaving her. He finally came to a point where he decided he loved her so much that he would rather be with her without children than without her.

Point to this is....whatever her decision, you probably won't change her mind. If you try, if she gets pregnant.....and she finds herself unhappy in her situation, you will hear about it and she will resent you.

So ... you have to look deep down. Decide.....if you can stay with her and be happy without children......then stay with her. Just don't think that you can change her mind... if I doesn't happen....then what?

Think hard.

The others may be right....she may be over reacting to the scene....but you can't count on that.

Good luck....C.B.

Originally Posted by chrisAdams

there were lots of kids around.. and i'm telling her she's just over reacting.. but she keeps insisting that she doesn't have a maternal instinct.. that she's always been doubting.. but before tonight, we always talked about how many we wnated... what order we wanted them in.. their names.. what they were going to be like.... i don't get it.. i don't think i've ever been this upset.

**Commando_Barbi** · 07-03-2004, 08:23 PM

Find yourself a mature woman that has already had one or two, they are pretty well grown and she doesn't want any more.

hmmm say like...

Me lol

Originally Posted by medic23

I wish I could find a girl who doesnt want kids, when I say this they think im evil. Fuc kids, I got a full life to live. Maybe when im 50 il reconsider.

**Dally** · 07-03-2004, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi

Find yourself a mature woman that has already had one or two, they are pretty well grown and she doesn't want any more.

hmmm say like...

Me lol

is someone hitting on someone ??

ehehehe omg, I've seen it all..... well maybe not, but still ehhehehe

**goodtobeapimp** · 07-03-2004, 09:05 PM

Like a few said...she's so young. What is right today is wrong tommorrow. You sound like you care so much for her... It will come in time for sure. My girlfriend used to say the same thing. Now things are a lot different.

**palequail** · 07-03-2004, 11:31 PM

Give it some time.....She will get over it I"m sure....

**medic23** · 07-03-2004, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi

Find yourself a mature woman that has already had one or two, they are pretty well grown and she doesn't want any more.

hmmm say like...

Me lol

tadpoling is the new thing now days

**dawn3rj** · 07-04-2004, 12:12 AM

yes i know i am kind of late to this one...but i thought i would add in my opinion...my sister just recently had her first child and it wasnt till a year and a half ago that she decided that one day she will have kids...i am being honest here...she would tell every guy she dated that she wasnt having kids because it wasnt in her life plan or whatever she said...but she one day was like...my life isnt complete till i start a family...she is a single mother and i have seen a new side to her that i thought i would never see...ur girl may be like this or she really isnt interested in children...u have to find that out...u have to think...pregnancy is a scary thought for most girls and the thought of another life being dependent on u, so she may just be thinking of the complete life change she will be going through and it scares her to death...but yes i believe some women just dont care to be the mother in life...like i said that is something she will have to decide and pushing her isnt gonna make it any easier...