The ex is freaking out about the sardines

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10-09-2004, 01:50 PM
The Baron

The ex is freaking out about the sardines

One of my exes picked me up after work a couple nights ago for a quick booty call and somebody to take up the empty space in her bed. The next morning I got the jones real bad for some sardines and ritz crackers. I recently started training seriously again after over a year layoff due to laziness and excuses like jail, poverty, lack of time, depression, drunkenness, etc and since starting again, I can't leave the sardines alone. I like them in chile sauce, tomato sauce, mustard sauce, or good old fashioned soybean oil. Anyway I woke up before she did and borrowed her truck and zoomed over to the Winn Dixie and picked up a few cans, along with a couple boxes of ritz crackers. When she woke up and went into the kitchen to make coffee, she saw me in the dining room with 5 or 6 empty sardine tins in front of me and I was drinking the oil from the last can. (I know, sounds gross but it tastes really good!) She insists something serious is wrong with me, but I think it is just a natural craving and my body is simply demanding what it needs, so I listen to it and comply. Anyway sardines are cheap protein with a lot of omega whatsis in there. I crumbled up a couple of ritz crackers in the tin to soak up the last of the oil and ate it all up, and watching her tits bounce around got me feeling pretty frisky. I grabbed her, took her back in the bedroom, and rang her bell a couple more times, finishing orally on the last one. She complained that it tastes like sardines now. She says I am warped, or have brain cancer or a serious vitamin deficiency or something and won't talk to me. Hey, no biggie, I don't like talking to her anyway... I just like getting a little trim from a chick who is relatively safe, so expert at pleasing me and still looks reasonably hot. But now she is also calling people and they call me all puzzled asking what this crap is about the sardines and stuff. Seems she says they are turning me into a deranged monster or some sort of uncontrollable sex thug. What do I do? Should I try switching to smoked oysters or kippers or something? The **** sardines make me feel like I am on 750mg/wk of sust or something. I feel like Jesse Ventura when he claimed to be a "sexual tyrannosaurus". Maybe it is just the aroma? Kinda smells like a big sloppy beaver, you know?

Signed
Something Fishy in the Big Easy

PS I know this sounds over the top, but I really am on the level here.
10-09-2004, 02:00 PM
Rhino58

I don't touch canned fish, besides chicken of the sea of coarse.
10-09-2004, 02:07 PM
Hometown Hero

LoL I can't see to much difference between eating her puss and eating sardines.... maybe you should bring that to her attention.
10-09-2004, 07:17 PM
The Baron

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hometown Hero

LoL I can't see to much difference between eating her puss and eating sardines.... maybe you should bring that to her attention.

I did, but actually her taco has very little fishy aroma or taste. Funny thing is, she says my jizz tastes like sardines. I don't know why that should bother her so much.
10-09-2004, 07:29 PM
dive_kid

this is ****ing funny!!!! I would just keep eating em.
LMAO
10-10-2004, 08:54 AM
w_rballs

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Baron

One of my exes picked me up after work a couple nights ago for a quick booty call and somebody to take up the empty space in her bed. The next morning I got the jones real bad for some sardines and ritz crackers. I recently started training seriously again after over a year layoff due to laziness and excuses like jail, poverty, lack of time, depression, drunkenness, etc and since starting again, I can't leave the sardines alone. I like them in chile sauce, tomato sauce, mustard sauce, or good old fashioned soybean oil. Anyway I woke up before she did and borrowed her truck and zoomed over to the Winn Dixie and picked up a few cans, along with a couple boxes of ritz crackers. When she woke up and went into the kitchen to make coffee, she saw me in the dining room with 5 or 6 empty sardine tins in front of me and I was drinking the oil from the last can. (I know, sounds gross but it tastes really good!) She insists something serious is wrong with me, but I think it is just a natural craving and my body is simply demanding what it needs, so I listen to it and comply. Anyway sardines are cheap protein with a lot of omega whatsis in there. I crumbled up a couple of ritz crackers in the tin to soak up the last of the oil and ate it all up, and watching her tits bounce around got me feeling pretty frisky. I grabbed her, took her back in the bedroom, and rang her bell a couple more times, finishing orally on the last one. She complained that it tastes like sardines now. She says I am warped, or have brain cancer or a serious vitamin deficiency or something and won't talk to me. Hey, no biggie, I don't like talking to her anyway... I just like getting a little trim from a chick who is relatively safe, so expert at pleasing me and still looks reasonably hot. But now she is also calling people and they call me all puzzled asking what this crap is about the sardines and stuff. Seems she says they are turning me into a deranged monster or some sort of uncontrollable sex thug. What do I do? Should I try switching to smoked oysters or kippers or something? The **** sardines make me feel like I am on 750mg/wk of sust or something. I feel like Jesse Ventura when he claimed to be a "sexual tyrannosaurus". Maybe it is just the aroma? Kinda smells like a big sloppy beaver, you know?

Signed
Something Fishy in the Big Easy

PS I know this sounds over the top, but I really am on the level here.

BWAHAHAHA. funny **** bro. give your body what it wants.
10-10-2004, 09:43 AM
symatech

Quote:

she woke up and went into the kitchen to make coffee, she saw me in the dining room with 5 or 6 empty sardine tins in front of me and I was drinking the oil from the last can.

Quote:

I crumbled up a couple of ritz crackers in the tin to soak up the last of the oil and ate it all up, and watching her tits bounce around got me feeling pretty frisky

Quote:

She says I am warped, or have brain cancer or a serious vitamin deficiency or something and won't talk to me. Hey, no biggie, I don't like talking to her anyway

Quote:

she says they are turning me into a deranged monster or some sort of uncontrollable sex thug

Thank you for making my Sunday morning :lol: I say keep at it if it makes you happy
10-10-2004, 10:15 AM
itsallmental

lol, bro thats the funniest thing ive read all day.