Geezer Olympics!

[singern]

On Your Marks, Get Set...Shuffle!
SENIORS COMPETE IN GEEZER OLYMPICS!
Events include: The Toothless Chew...Handicapped Parking...Hot Tub Challenge...Speed Drooling, Race For The Early Bird Special and MUCH, MUCH MORE!

While millions of viewers stretched out on their couches and watched the Summer Olympics in Athens on TV, thousands of shuffling, drooling, hump-backed, hard-ofhearing, half-blind and crotchety old blue-hairs were training hard as they geared up for their own competition -- the 1st Annual Geezer Games in Miami Beach, Fla.

And when the spry but wrinkled and annoyingly forgetful athletes converge on the city just weeks from now, they'll compete for the coveted gold, silver and bronze medals in a variety of age-appropriate events, including:
HANDICAPPED PARKING.
A timed competition that requires fairly good reflexes and passable eyesight to negotiate a lumbering 1973 Cadillac Fleetwood through a parking lot peppered with Cub Scouts and other seniors.

SPEED DROOLING.
Athletes who've lost their dentures or just naturally sit around with their mouths open tend to excel in this event, which clocks saliva as it spills over the lips and rolls down the chin, eventually dropping in a gummy mess to the contestant's shirt, pants or dress.

LOST-DENTURE DISCOVERY CHALLENGE.
Where ARE those things? Have you seen 'em? The senior who finds his choppers first wins a pack of "no-stick" chewing gum AND the gold medal.

DASH DOWN MEMORY LANE.
Whoever can remember the most about what happened to him in 1932 takes home the gold in this event.

DIAPER-CHANGING.
Not their grandkids' nappies -- their own. Contestants are judged on speed and technique, and for a watertight seal that's also strong enough to contain other, more substantial waste, such as an ill-timed doody after a fiber binge.

RACE FOR THE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL.
Crippled, shuffling and otherwise unsteady athletes race to line up for an early bird special featuring allyou- can-eat chicken wings, fried calamari, and "sea legs," the artificial crab meat that has become a coveted staple of retirees who save a few bucks eating small-portion, half-cooked dinners at 4 in the afternoon. GEEZER OLYMPICS!

MOUSETRAP AND EYEGLASSES HURDLING.
Getting over dropped objects can be tough on brittle, inflexible seniors. The mousetrap adds interest to this event, especially since it's cocked and competitors are barefoot.
Eyeglasses can break and shatter, of course, causing nasty and painful cuts, not to mention making it tougher than ever to read the directions on those pill bottles.

HOT TUB CHALLENGE.
Codgers compete to see who can sit the longest in a relaxing hot tub without falling asleep and going under or becoming physically ill at the sight of their competitors in swimsuits.

BABY FOOD GUMMING.
This is a race to see who can keep the most mush in his mouth while dining on strained peas and carrots without teeth. Not, say competitors, as easy as it looks.

"The Geezer Games won't be televised this year but we're already talking to NBC about 2005," says Margaret Kinderhouse, who organized the event through her Washington-based advocacy group, Seniors Need Recognition, Too, and expects over 1,500 athletes to compete October 23-29. "With 100 million Baby Boomers now shuffling into the sunset of their lives, the Geezer Games truly are an idea whose time has come."

[decadbal]

hahaha, the droolin thing is nasty