Favorite Family Guy Quotes...

[PiecinItUp]

Saw the sienfeld one, thought id start this

A few of my favs...

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.


Peter: HOLY CRAP! I'm communticating with nature! Uh, tree, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear you, do you make a noise?
Tree: Oh yeah, Scott fell over last week and hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott the Tree: Oh yeah, go ahead and bitch, but you don't see anyone trying to HELP ME!

Can't wait for its return next year!!!

[decadbal]

stewie.. victory is mine

[cb25]

Stewie - "**** the broccoli, **** you! and **** the Wright Brothers!!"

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/stewie-familyguy.html

[Rob]

family who?

Seinfeld is uncomparable

[houseofpain]

when stewie states his name....sh!t is soo funny "Stewart Gilligan Griffin"

~HOP

[Blown_SC]

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.
*********


Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!
***********

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
**********
Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.

[PiecinItUp]

Big Rob....I high recommend you catch one episode....just one and tell me if you like it or not....Seinfeld is great, and yes uncomparable but its a different type of humor

[sniper320]

Does this look like a q......
How bout now.. allright

[90redlx]

....

[houseofpain]

Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me last night?
Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois Griffin: And what did you do?
Peter Griffin: Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.

[houseofpain]

Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you.

--you gotta see that episode to understand it.

[houseofpain]

Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple.

[houseofpain]

Stewie Griffin: [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin: Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.
--stewie is freakin hilarious

*************************************
Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis, " "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
[wiggles his tongue like a snake]
--thats the episode when he was at day care and fell in love with this lil girl who he thought liked him but all she wanted was his cookies.

[wolfyEVH]

Stewie lighting up a cigarette: "She has gotten FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT"

[houseofpain]

[the Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on]
Stewie Griffin: You. Cut my eggs.
[waiter cuts his eggs]
Waiter: Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie Griffin: Now cut my milk.
Waiter: Uh, I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie Griffin: [slaps him] IDIOT. Freeze it, then CUT it. And if you ever question me again, I shall put you on diaper detail. And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.

[wolfyEVH]

[the Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on]
Stewie Griffin: You. Cut my eggs.
[waiter cuts his eggs]
Waiter: Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie Griffin: Now cut my milk.
Waiter: Uh, I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie Griffin: [slaps him] IDIOT. Freeze it, then CUT it. And if you ever question me again, I shall put you on diaper detail. And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.

lol HOP....i was going to put that one up like 5 minutes ago, but i couldnt remember the whole thing.

[houseofpain]

Jim: What did you just call me?
Huck Griffin: I thought that was your name.
Jim: That is our word. You have no right to use it.
Huck Griffin: Geez, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
[pause]
Huck Griffin: So, could you pass me the oar, 'n-word Jim'?
Jim: Yes. Thank you.
--Huck is Peter's ancestor and he and a black guy were going down the river on a wooden raft. it was pretty funny.

[Red Ketchup]

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Glen Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.


Young Peter Griffin: Why did all the dinosaurs die?
Museum Curator: Because you touch yourself at night.
[Peter looks down in shame]


Chris Griffin: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Peter Griffin: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.


[observing Brian at a dog race]
Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh my god. He's violating Sea Breeze.
Peter Griffin: No, he's just awkwardly positioning himself... OK, NOW he's violating Sea Breeze.


Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.


Quagmire: Hello there, cutie. How old are you?
Girl: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen? You're first.
Girl: MOM.
Quagmire: I like where this is going.


Red

[Neo]

Chris: I'm going to turn you into Poo....

[jimmyivory]

Cleveland: Oh Peter, that touches me in a way that if Loretta touched me I'd say "Oh yeah, that's niiice."

*****************

Peter: <stops running because of shin pain, holding shin> Aaahhh....ssssss.....Aaahhh....ssssss.....Aaahhh.. ..ssssss.....Aaahhh....ssssss.....Aaahhh....ssssss .....

******************

Peter: <prancing and pointing to legs> Hey, look at me, I'm special, I'm WALIKING

******************

Black Knight: What's YOUR fat ass doing here?
Guy on donkey: He's my only means of conveyance, but I guess I do spoil him...

******************

Stewie: ...and NO SPRINKLES! For every sprinkle I find, I'll KILL you

******************

Meg: Are you and dad gonna get a divorce?
Lois: Aww honey <hugs Meg>.......maybe

[Monkeytown]

Girl in Quagmires bed: I have a question....what do you do for a living?
Quagmire: I have a question...what r u still doing here?

Brian to Quagmire: You had sex with 3 Philipino women and a philipino man
Quagmire: you mean 4 philipino women
Brian: No

Quagmire: (pumping neck) so...you girls ever been penetrated?

Peter Griffin: You mean the deep south where all the white people are angry because the black people are lazy but the white people are just as lazy?

Peter Griffin (after outhouse falls over): Oh, it's all over!! It's in my raccoon wounds!!

Black guy (forget his name): The only british I know is that a fag is a cigarette.
Peter: Well someone tell this cigarette to shut the hell up!!