oh, what to do...

**spound** · 02-13-2005, 11:13 PM

There is a girl in my life who I have honestly been in love with since I was in 8th or 9th grade. We dated a little in 8th grade and then in 9th, and then we dated for 3 years straight from 10th grade until we graduated, but we broke up before college b/c we were having some problems and were going to be going to school 7 hrs apart. We have been in college for two years now and we still keep well in touch and visit each other at least 2 times per semester. Well, she came and visited me this weekend and we always have a great time, but we seem to have always bickered a lot. Not fight, just bicker over stupid stuff.

Here is the deal, every time she visits, we are always very affectionate toward one another and it is almost like we are back together and we have an unreal time together, but we are both the type of people who dont handle not being able to see our significant other very well, and well, it would be hard living 7 hrs away from each other and in college. But everytime, we always get so confused b/c we just don't know what to do or how to act with each other and what we "should" do. I mean she always has one moment when she visits where she will be in tears b/c she gets so confused at all the feelings that are still there and hates being so far away and having to say goodbye. She does that, but then she is so gung hoe on us experiencing other things, or at least trying to, yet she never tries to date anybody else really, b/c she is still in love with me. If she didn't have this strong way of thinking about this, I would definately be more than happy to work out a long distance relationship with her. Does anybody have any input that could help me out? Part of me wants to be with this girl like no ther, but we always talk about how we need to experience other things and life without each other, and if it is meant to be we will get back together when the time is right, but I have dated one or 2 other people (kind forced it upon myself to date others) and all I can ever think about, even when I am with them, is her. And she says she can't even develope feelings for anybody b/c nobody compares to me. What the hell do I do?? I mean I could possibly marry this girl one day, but who knows. I really need some solid advice

Also, just curious, for those who are married and in love, how do you know when it is true love or that they are "the one"? The reason I ask is b/c she made a good point to me that we think we are just so in love , but we have never experienced anything similar to compare it to. And she wants to have something to compare it to to find out if it is real or not, which is completely understandable I guess.

**AnabolicRick** · 02-13-2005, 11:22 PM

well, it seems the feelings are hard to let go of. Now it must be a great feeling that she tells you that its hard to fall in love with someone else because of her feelings for you. Now, depending on your age and the amount of time you both have been seperated from eachother, I think the little bickering is simply just two seperate lives develping into their own. This does not neccesarily mean that you both cannot be together. Is she willing to settle down? (keep your age in mind) . Has she ever cheated on you? but then still says she always comes back to you? seen in this case I personally would call things off. Now, too mentally you both might be thinking of what your parents would think if such a tradgic thing would happen??? Is she secure with herself? does she know what she wants out of life? do you? is she the type of girl that is always NEEDING a boyfriend? these might be some questions to take into consideration if you havent already...

just my .02

**tycin** · 02-13-2005, 11:26 PM

its a hard situation bro, long distance realationships r hard to do and almost never work. but if u really love this girl and u think u could end up marrying her dont let her go, u will regret it for the rest of ur life. do anything u can to keep her, it'll b hard to live in seperate places but if u try u can make it work.

ive been with my girl for 8 yrs (im 23), and we broke up last yr for a bit cause i was an idiot and fukd around on her. worst mistake of my life, i thought it was done for good and stand the thought of it. but we're together now and happier than ever, we worked thru that so now we know we can work thru anything. same in ur situation if u can work thru this than u can work thru anything.

as for knowing if she is the "one" u only know that, u will know trust me. i know all this stuff sounds corny but i'm telling u bro nothing is worse than losing the one u love. i think u should tell her u dont wanna b with anyone else and u wanna work thru the long dist thing. if it doestn work then it wasnt ment to b, if it does then thats awesome.

good luck bro.

**spound** · 02-13-2005, 11:43 PM

Originally Posted by AnabolicRick

well, it seems the feelings are hard to let go of. Now it must be a great feeling that she tells you that its hard to fall in love with someone else because of her feelings for you. Now, depending on your age and the amount of time you both have been seperated from eachother, I think the little bickering is simply just two seperate lives develping into their own. This does not neccesarily mean that you both cannot be together. Is she willing to settle down? (keep your age in mind) . Has she ever cheated on you? but then still says she always comes back to you? seen in this case I personally would call things off. Now, too mentally you both might be thinking of what your parents would think if such a tradgic thing would happen??? Is she secure with herself? does she know what she wants out of life? do you? is she the type of girl that is always NEEDING a boyfriend? these might be some questions to take into consideration if you havent already...

just my .02

We have been seperated for almost two years, we just always seem to make our way back to each other and can't get away from it if we tried.
Yea, I think the bickering is just caused by our own confusions and not really expressing those confusions to each other so that the other one knows what is going on.

She is probably one of the most secure females I know, very independent and so am I, that is one of the things I like about her. She knows what she wants out of life and she always says she can only hope to marry a man as great as me. I KNOW i am in love with her and she expresses it tons as well. It just seems the whole timing part is a little off right now. That is the confusing part. But it sometimes feels like we are in a relationship, just wihtout the title, and it always feel that way when we are in each others company, we act like we havent skipped a beat and act like a couple completely and tell each other we love each other and kiss etc..

She is definately not the type who is always needing a boyfriend, she hasnt had one since we broke up 2 years ago. The only thing is I don't really think she is ready to settle down and maybe sacrifice some of her college freedom to have a boyfriend 7 hrs away. See she is a really social type, definately not trashy or a slut (I cant stand those girls), but knows how to have fun, and brings it out in me. But I am the layed back type and very focused on my physical goals so I obviously don't go out too much and socialize all the time, I am more worried about my next meal, ya know, so I probably feel more of the need to have a G/F b/c my lifestyle would support it well.

She has never cheated on me as far as I know and I sincerely believe that, she is not the type to hold things back in fear of the consequences, she has told me about guys she has kissed and what not when we have been broken up, we are always real open about that stuff and able to talk about it, I even talked to her about my feeleings I had for the girl I dated for a short time, which hurt her, but we were mature enough to discuss it in a civil manner. Another thing is, we lost our virginity to each other and she has not had sex with anyone else. Just some things thaat mmay help you guys get a better idea of things.

**AnabolicRick** · 02-14-2005, 12:03 AM

Originally Posted by spound

That is the confusing part.

tell you what, think out of the dating shell for a sec. there is seriously nothing "confusing about it" at all. the circumstances may unfortunatly be in a cluster fk, but you shouldnt feel that your mind/her mind is confused about what you both want. Since it sounds like you each have a good head on your shoulders, I would sit down, and civily talk to her about her goals, she needs to realize your seriousness in dating her. Parting/getting back together works for some but not all easily. She needs to tell you what she wants right now in this time of her life. you can also explain your thoughts and what not regarding your advancing the relationship status, to perhaps getting married???